Man - y.kh

three.

I remember the first time I thought about trying. I always remember. My mom stopped me. She said to me, and I quote, "That's some American girl shit. You're a Korean girl. You're supposed to be stronger than that." I only cried myself to sleep that night.

That woman believed a man who did me so fucking wrong, instead of me. Her own child. She allowed him to pick me up from school and watch me until she came home from work. I was eight. I was fucking eight years old. I've hated riding in cars ever since, especially with another man. Hyungwon didn't know that, nor did he understand it. So, I can see why he thought driving alongside of me was the right thing to do. I was also high off my ass.

"Sohyun," he said, rolling down his window. I visibly shuddered at that name, but I suppose I brought it upon myself, just like everything else. "Please, just get back in the car. You can sit in the back or sleep. I don't want you hurt out here." I just shook my head, continuing to walk away from him. "Get in the car..." I continued to ignore him. "Get in the goddamn car, you stupid bitch!"

I turned around and just began screaming at him. "No! You're not gonna do it too. I'm tired of it! Leave me alone!" Hyungwon looked at me like I was fucking crazy. And I probably was. Hyungwon pulled over and got out of the car, walking over to me. "Don't fucking touch me, Hyungwon. I will scream." He held his hands where I could see them, staying at the back of the car while I shifted to the front.

Hyungwon shook his head. "I'm not trying to hurt you. It's broad daylight. Who in the hell is stupid and sick enough to even try?" I didn't find his words helpful at all. "Listen. You're high. I was just taking you home to watch over you. Something tells me that your parents would flip if you went home high." I kept my guard up, even though he seemed thoroughly sincere.

"Parent," I corrected. "And she wouldn't give two shits."

Hyungwon stared blankly at me. "At least you fucking have one," he said. "That bitch and the motherfucker left me on a damn doorstep." He got really angry immediately.

I scoffed, "You don't even know the half of it. She gave up on me a long time ago. I might as well not have one. She doesn't want anything to do with me." I sighed, looking down at the ground. As soon as I said it, I regretted it. He probably knows way more about it all than I do.

"Why not?" He asked. His demeanor change, filling with concern.

I shook my head. "Apparently, I ruined her relationship with a man who wanted nothing more than to hurt me. Apparently, me being 14 at the time and finally coming clean, ruined her relationship. She completely ignored the fact that her child was the ruined one." Tears began streaming down my face. What did I trust this guy for anyway? I almost got hot and heavy with him on the school roof. How did that lead to the me dishing out my deepest, darkest problems? Why'd I trust him?

Hyungwon put his hand out for me to grab. "I want to talk to you, learn about you. I don't know what it is about you, but I feel the need to protect you." Would you still protect me if you knew? Many people wouldn't.

I shook my head. "If it shuts you up, you can take me to your house," I exhaled, opening the car door. "But, best believe? I will fucking cut your throat if you pull something on me." It's not like I haven't ever tried fighting back.

"You don't have to worry about a thing..." Hyungwon smiled, closing my door behind me. When he got back in he turned my face toward him a little bit. "I may be a bad boy, but I'm not a dickhead. So I can promise you, I will never hurt you." Damn it, there he went again. Charming me with all the right words. I hadn't even realized I kissed him until he pushed me away slightly. "And... I respect you enough to know you're in a vulnerable place right now. I've known you for an hour and a half and I already know you're trying to cope with something. I respect you enough to not let you disrespect yourself." Hyungwon moved my hands from his face to my lap. "Trust and believe, using me to get over it is not the most successful way to do it. You'll fuck around and fall for me too. You don't want that."