Man - y.kh

forty-nine.

It was only a couple days until my birthday and I wasn't even excited. 18 is a milestone, it's the age I waited to be able to start getting rid of my femininity. I wanted none of it. All I wanted was Hyungwon to get better. He was admittedly gaining his weight back and sitting at about 87. They wanted him to at least 140. He lost that much weight in a matter of a month and a half. He wasn't gonna gain that back in a few days. Not without the help of the feeding tube they'd given him.

I sighed, waking up from a nap. Hyungwon had been crying and tried to keep it quiet. "Hey," I whispered, reaching up to wipe his tears. "Hey, hey. What's wrong, baby?" I asked.

He had gotten better at talking to me again at least. "G-Get me out of here." He slipped the pulse reader off his finger, the nasal cannula and soon, going for his IV. "I wanna go. Get me out of here." He tried to take his IV out before I stopped him.

"Shh," I whispered. "Calm down baby, come here." I took his hands, holding them together.

Hyungwon shook his head furiously, snatching his hands away. "Please, I have to go!" He started to hit at me, actually causing pain. Since the monitor wasn't catching a pulse, a nurse had come in to check on us.

I hissed out in pain as he kept hitting me. "Hyungwon!" I yelled out, holding his hands together again, this time tighter. "Stop hitting me. Okay?" The nurse tried to take one of his arms from me and he swung on her. "Oh my God!" I pulled him closer to me, trying to keep him from hurting any of us.

His eyes stayed glued to the door. "Don't let him come in here," he begged me. "Kihyun, don't let him come in here. Please don't let him come in here." I nodded softly, rubbing circles in his back. The nurse left and I knew what was about to happen. They were gonna restrain him for being hostile. He must've had a really bad nightmare.

I just wanted to take him home. If I could take him home, I'd be able to watch him and do what he needed. When Minhyuk came to the door today, Hyungwon screamed before breaking down into tears. He held onto me for dear life. "Hyungwon, it's Minhyuk. It's not him." Saying Wonho's name was even too much for Hyungwon.

Despite how much he said he wanted to kill him, one of the main things he often woke up from was a nightmare of Wonho killing himself. "How's he been today?" Minhyuk set down his bag, coming over to him. "Hey buddy. Ma and Jooheon will be here later okay?" I looked at him, confused slightly. "Some kids have been harassing Jooheon and teachers aren't reporting it to anyone like they should. It's only getting to Ma through me, because Jooheon tells me every day."

I nodded softly, rubbing my hands through Hyungwon's hair. Even though Minhyuk has come in and sat down, Hyungwon kept staring at the door. "Oh fuck," I mumbled, leaning down to look at his eyes. Dilated. And for once, he smiled at me. But I knew it wasn't anything nice. His brain shut him off again, another seizure. "Hyungwon? Can you look at me?" I asked.

Hyungwon smiled widely. "I am, silly." I think I'd prefer him silent during these seizures. Hearing him speak broke me even more. "I'm looking at you, silly. See? There's your nose." He put his arm up, not pointing at anything. Then he stopped talking for a little bit, starting to shake. For the first time, he started hyperventilating, making guttural groaning sounds.

"Hyungwon?" I asked, laying his bed back a bit. "Baby, are you okay?" He kept groaning, basically screaming while holding his breath. "You gotta breathe. Hyungwon, you have to breathe. Come on, breathe with me." It was almost like he was a panicked primitive man. He couldn't focus on anything else, turning his head away from me. "Shh, Hyungwon, breathe for me." I hit the emergency button as Minhyuk stood up to help me.

Minhyuk held his hand, his arms starting to shake because of Hyungwon. "Hey kiddo, you're okay. You want Kihyun?" He asked. Hyungwon still wasn't calming down. "He's right there, look at him. Can you look at him for me?" There was nothing. Minhyuk gasped slightly, looking down toward the middle of the bed. "He's gonna need a change. Has he has accidents like this before?" Minhyuk seemed to be at a loss.