Man - y.kh

seventeen.

I went upstairs to check on Jooheon after dinner. Hyungwon and I hadn't talked since he'd come back. Poor baby was curled up in the comforter. I decided to push his laptop to the other side of bed, keeping his body free from the charger cord. As I began to leave, I heard him whimper. I turned around to look at him. He wasn't shaking yet, but his whimpering was getting louder and incessant.

I began to go lay next to him and calm him down but Hyungwon came in, pushing past me in the pissiest way. "I got him. Go to bed." I glared at him as he checked Jooheon before grabbing his bag. "I'm gonna test you," he mumbled softly, preparing a test strip. I sighed and left the room, going to my room... Our room? My room for now.

I looked around, scared to sit down on the bed. All that was going through my mind was Abraham. The fact that my mother took my money from this room and got him out of jail... And the fact that he still held this control over me. Suddenly, he was there in the room with me, preying on me. "What are you mutilating yourself for?" He'd ask as he hovered over me. "This doesn't feel good?" His hands would rub my hips, his fingers lingering over the scars.

Tears began to flow as I looking through my drawers. I knew I had one, there was a lighter around somewhere. When I finally found it, I closed the door, knowing Hyungwon would take a while. I quickly pulled down my pants, sparking the lighter. His touch was all over me and I felt so dirty. I let the flame hover over my skin before laying it down quickly. Obviously, the area turned red real quick. I continued to burn myself on each hips until it was unbearable. When I was done, my skin was most definitely blackening and almost ready to peel. The memories were coming at me left and right and my chest began to tighten. "No!" I screamed. "I don't want it! I hate it! Please... I-I'm just a little girl."

The menacing smile he wore on his face. "I knew it. You knew it. Your mom knew it. Everyone knows it. You're pretending, the most you are is a butch. You aren't a boy, you can't be and you finally got it through your fucking head." I just wanted him to leave me alone. I didn't care what I was saying, but I knew I wasn't a girl. But he refused to leave me alone, continuing on with his torture.

I was startled by Hyungwon shaking me. When I came around, I was breathing heavily, tears streaming down my face, my hips in extreme pain. "What are you doing with this?" Hyungwon asked, holding my lighter up. "You don't fucking smoke and I don't use white lighters." He grabbed me by my waist.

I screamed, immediately afraid of him. "No, don't grab me like that!"

Hyungwon shushed me, "You're gonna wake Jooheon again and I can't deal with another one of his seizures tonight. I'm not gonna hurt you." He pulled up my shirt, checking my body. "What'd you do to your hips, Kihyun?" He asked. I whimpered, pushing him away from me slightly. I gingerly let my jeans fall a bit just so he could see the damages. "Holy fuck!" He yelled, pulling one side down a bit more. "Ki, that's second degree, maybe even third degree burns!" He was yelling, I couldn't take it. "Did you do this because I'm pissed off? Not talking to you? I'll leave if that's the case." Now, he was scaring me.

"No! I feel his touch on me, Hyungwon... All the fucking time!" I screamed. "He won't leave me alone... And tonight... I'm scared. Not for me, for that one across the hall. I-I can't sleep tonight. If Abe tries something again and I'm asleep? I can't let anything happen to Jooheon. And I don't want to give myself up, but if that's fucking case, then so be it." I was rambling on at this point. "But I can at least cleanse myself before it happens. And that's what this was." Hyungwon nodded, getting up. He was getting something to cover the burns.

When he came back, he closed the door. "You gotta let your pants down further than that, I'm sorry." I nodded, closing my eyes, holding my pants around my thighs. "And you're gonna go to sleep tonight, even if you have to take a melatonin or a diphenhydramine. You're going to sleep. I'll drink some coffee, if you have any. If he tries something... You'll know."