Viciously in Love

Thirty eight.

Liz gives me a cup of hot chocolate and I thank her. After we all had lunch together and Jake left, Liz asked me to talk for a while. I would lie if I said I didn't think of every stupid thing I've done recently, but I'm not exactly worried. It can't be that bad.

"So..." she sighs taking a seat on the couch, next to me. "We haven't talked in a while..." she laughs. "How have you been?" we both laugh.

   "I'm good. Somehow." I smile.

   "How do you feel? Physically, I mean."

   "Good. Everything's good. I take my medicine everyday, I avoid effort... Everything's good. Just like you said." I say with a smile and she nods like she understands.

   "And emotionally? Is there any boy at school...?" she asks and I shake my head. "What about Jake? You guys seemed pretty close recently." she asks raising an eyebrow and I take a sip from my drink.

   "Jake..." I sigh with a little smile. "Jake is complicated."

   "Complicated how?" she frowns.

   "He's hard to read. And understand." I say and she laughs. 

   "Jake has some kind of defense mechanism against feelings. He thinks of himself as week in front of feelings, which is stupid." she sighs.

   "Why does he do that? It's not like he didn't have an amazing example growing up." I say and she smiles.

   "Have I ever told you about what happened with his dad?"

"Just that he hasn't been around in a while."

"A while... More like sixteen years." she says and I feel like I'm shaking. "He left when Jake was 3 years old. It's a long story, but... Mainly, he said he wasn't ready for a family... and we haven't heard of him ever since." she sighs. "I think that's the reason Jake is so scared of letting people in... last time he did that he got abandoned." she looks at me and smiles. "You have to be patient with him and you have to trust him. It's a lot of work but if you succeed... it's worth it."

   "What if I can't trust him?"

   "Then, maybe you don't feel about him the way you think you do."