Viciously in Love

Forty six.

I look around the room and I smile when I see him.

   "Look who's alive." I hug him.

   "Same for you. I thought you would've gone insane and killed yourself by know." he laughs.

   Eric.

   A few moths ago, Liz found out about this program at the hospital. People around my age gather around and talk about their feelings. I hated it at first. Until I met Eric. He's 18 and he has lung cancer. We got really close a few weeks ago when Jane - the psychiatrist - paired us up for some stupid game. We've been friends ever since. I mock him because of his story, telling him it's not real and that he just watched The Fault In Our Stars too many times but he swears they stole his story and turned it into a movie.

   "How are you?" I ask him giving him a cookie.

   "Great. I have surgery in a few days. Hopefully I'll get rid of this." he points at his tube.

   "That's amazing! Congratulations!" I hug him.

   "Thanks. How about you? How are things with you and Jack?" he mistakens his name on purpose.

   "Jake." I correct him and he pretends to be sorry. "Still not talking."

   "What a bummer." he continues his act.

   "Fuck off. At least I have a love life." I mock him.

   "Hey! Who am I talking to? A girl. I picked you up." he says arrogantly.

   "It doesn't count. You were dying. I felt sorry for you." I laugh.

   "Oh, my God!" he sighs dramatically. "Cancer didn't kill me but you might." he says and we both laugh.

   *

   "Nicole." Jane calls out my name. "How about you? How have you been feeling?"

   "I don't know." I answer honestly raising my shoulders. "I had some moments I was happy... some others I wasn't..."

   "And the panic attacks?" she looks at me concerned I might lie to her.

   "I haven't had one in weeks." I lie.

   I had one last night. I talked to Lucca and I finally told him what happened with Jake. I didn't realize how fresh the memories are... the pain... I was texting him "I am fine!" while I was crying.

   "That's great news." she smiles. "Eric? How about you?"

   "I'm great." he answers honestly. "No meltdowns, or panic attacks... I've been taking my meds... Things are going really well. I will even have that surgery in a few days... The one the doctors were scared I wouldn't survive... They said I actually have a chance now." he smiles.

   I saw Eric progress a lot... all while I'm doing the exact opposite.