The Cured

Chapter 79

But I just can't let her go...

~•~ Chapter 79 ~•~

The cool breeze outside hit my skin shamelessly, making me shiver as we walked down the few stairs and further to the back yard. Zayn looked stressed from head to toe, his body stiff. I took a long sip from my liquor as he pulled out his packet of cigarettes, swiftly lighting up one.

“Okay, spill it.” I demanded, holding my cup with both hands.

He took a long hint, blowing out smoke from his mouth in a very sexy way. Not the time to do that, Claire. He looked around, making sure no one was around before looking at me with guilt all over his features.

“I fucking love you so much.” he told me, shocking every inch of me to the core. I tried to keep my face neutral, but I'm certain I didn't do it right. “And what happened back then, kills me every single day. I should've done something faster, I should've helped you, I should've just killed fucking Eric the moment I had the—,“

“Zayn what are you talking about?” I blurt, my mind going in circles. “Are you talking about that day I got...” I trailed off and he nodded.

“It kills me every day, Claire. Every time I see you around guys, my protective side kicks in, because it has been fucking traumatizing for me to watch you... do that..” he sighed deeply before taking another long hint. “And because I couldn't stop that, every time somebody touches you, I go insane.”

I'm shocked. I didn't expect him to tell me that. I really did expect him to tell me that I said or did something wrong and he didn't want to be around me anymore.  But not this.

“Zayn that was none of your fault.” I said sternly, leaning slightly forward as I said those words. “You did everything you could, you're the reason we're here. You killed those cunts and we ran away, that's what matters.”

“No.” he shook his head and his eyes got glossy. Is he going to cry? I won't take it. “Claire I should've been faster, the images are haunting me every night. God knows how you are handling it every time you and Harry...” he shook his head as if to get rid of some bad thoughts. “You know.”

My heart tugged painfully, my body frozen. He cares so much, it makes me want to hug him till he can't breathe. I know he is a guy with a heart of gold, but all this time we were distant I actually thought he kind of hated me. How wrong I was. I wish we had that conversation way too earlier.

“It's not easy for me either.” I admitted before taking a sip so my throat isn't dry. “But I never blamed you for anything. Zayn, you were on the edge of dying. You got beaten up way too many times, I would've passed out if I were in your shoes.” I admitted and he huffed, smoke coming out of his plump lips.

“I wouldn't stop fighting for you.” his bright eyes met my own, sending chills all over me. “I thought you hated me for what happened. I didn't want to be the person that reminded you of that memory every time you saw him.”

“I never hated you.” I shook my head, meaning the words. “And I never blamed you. What's more important to me, is that you and I, are alive. We are alive. It doesn't matter what we had to go through, we are here, we are safe and alive.” I placed my free hand on his shoulder, seeing hope spark up his eyes.

“It's just awkward you know, seeing you do that and then come over to talk to you, it didn't feel right.” he explained half heartedly.