Through The Dark

19 - Emmalyn

19 - Emmalyn

I was hopping on my bike to leave the school premises now that the day was over when I saw Olivia approaching me. She had a hopeful look on her face and I wanted to punch myself –or her, she still owed me a punch- right away because I knew what she wanted.

How could she even suggest it? Well, that was easy, she did not know about what went down between William and me. I was not sure if I would want to enlighten her on that matter either. The event showed just how stupid I was back then. I had worked so hard to get as far away as possible from that naïve, innocent little girl that believed in people so easily, without doubting them or their intentions.

I had fought really hard to become an outstandingly bright girl that would never be fooled again. The mere fact of talking or as much as thinking about what happened back then was a step back for me, and that was why I could not share that information with Olivia -also because I felt just plain stupid. What would be left of me if people found out that I was not always like this? What if people knew who I was before?

No. I had cracked my neck and racked my brain to be this girl. It had taken hours and hours of study, of intense research and being the teacher's pet for too long to back down now, to let people see who I was before. It took me a whole lot deal of effort and endless nights of study that ended with a headache for me to lose it all now. I would not back down, not now, especially not because of the fucking same guy. I refused to fall down because of him. He got to me once and that was enough. I would never let him do the same thing ever again.

Just to think about him made my blood boil and I wanted to trash an entire place and not have to think about the consequences for doing so. But I knew this was not a good, old movie where I would come out victorious on the other end after a rebellious act. I would be caught, and he would see to it, just to see me suffering some more. He was evil, and did it all just for pure entertainment. I had known him for the past three years and knew better than to mess with him. I would just stay out of his way and bicker with him when he got into mine. There was nothing else for me to do. Other than hate him, that is.

'Emmalyn!' Olivia cheered as a welcome.

I studied her with apprehension. I was not sure if I could even trust her anymore. What assured me she was not like the rest? What assured me she would not hurt me? Again, I must add. She had already hurt me once when she accused me of taking that picture of her on the bridge and of sharing it with everyone.

The things that happened before that between us did not count, we were enemies back then. We used to tear each other down. It was even funny now that I looked back at it. But that seemed like an era away. Now, we were supposed to be allies through this hell that school was becoming to us –our entire lives were hell now actually. But she was chickening out already, accepting invitations to parties from guys like William for fear of being alone or an outcast.

I should have known she would be weak and that she would not be able to handle the pressure and everything else that was involved in what meant to be out there on your own. She was far too accustomed to a life in which she was the center. Even if she was unhappy she was where the lights and the big, red spot where. She always had everyone's eyes on her, for all the good reasons and she was automatically invited to everything there was an invitation to. She was at the top of every list.

Now that she was at the bottom, she could not take it. She probably wanted to go back to the fake life she had. It was all a lie, she did not believe in any of it, but at least she had it and now that it was gone. She wanted it back. How pathetic.

'No,' I deadpanned before she even had a chance to speak again. I took a small bottle containing orange juice from my backpack (I was not hungry anymore during lunch after my encounter with William and now I was starving). I took the cap off ceremoniously, trying to block Olivia out. Maybe if I focused on my juice and on how delicious it tasted, Olivia would vanish off of the face of the earth, or at least of my sight line. I would really appreciate that at the moment.