Through The Dark

4 - Olivia

4 - Olivia

After another dinner alone, I carried myself like dead weight to my room upstairs. My mother always left my balanced and nutritious dinner that would benefit my skin and keep my daily calorie count on point on the counter. She did not even bother on welcoming me when I got home, as long as I was there by the time I had to go to sleep because those hours were sacred. To keep it simple, she barely even acknowledged me.

I wondered if she knew how cold the food was. I never complained about it though. I just heat it up and then sat down in the small table inside the kitchen, to feel less alone. I did not eat much of it, most of it went down the trash can, and since my mother did not give a crap about me, she did not even notice. I had lost weight, but that was the way everyone around me wanted me to be, anyway –skinny and beautiful.

I let out a tired sigh, getting ready to go to bed for yet another day in school. Mondays were always dull, but I still had to put on makeup and cover the traces of unhappiness. A very effective way to do that was by getting my eight hours of sleep, though I could barely sleep at all lately. I stayed up all night, my mind racing with thoughts of unhappiness and different fictitious lives were I was truly happy.

I sighed once again as I got my hair up into a messy bun. This was the only place where I could put on a messy bun and relax. I placed the usual natural cream and other products on my face as silence filled in the air around me. It was something I was used to. It bothered me a lot now, though.

I walked lazily towards my bed and opened my laptop, checking my emails for any notice on my dad, like I did every single day. It had been almost three months since his last communication with us, and it worried me. When your father is in Pakistan, a day without communication can drive you crazy.

I rested my head against the top of the bed as the warmth of the laptop's bottom heated up my legs. My eyes wandered around the room for a second before my mail opened up. My eyes immediately landed on the new messages. I felt my heart drop to the bottom of my ribcage when I saw I had a message from dad. I bit my bottom lip to keep the happy tears at bay as I clicked it open.

Hi honey!

It's been a while. I apologize. I am very sad that I did not get to see you today, but I hope to see you next time I skype with you and your mom. Such a shame because I told your mom since before so that both of you could be there. It doesn't matter anymore. How are you doing? How is school and how is Henry? Tell me all about it! I love you and I miss you,

Dad.

I stared perplex at the message for a few minutes, just reading and re-reading it. He had called? He had told my mother that he was going to call with enough time for her to inform me so that we both could be there and she had not even bothered on doing so?! It had been three months and she thought I did not want to talk with him or what?! No, that was the thing, she did not even think. Whenever it was about me she did not even bother.

"Mom!" I angrily called throughout the silent house. The word mom felt foreign in my mouth and it made me want to gag, but that was how she liked to be called and she would made a fit if I called her otherwise.

It was like that all day long, so silent, every single day. There was never any noise, any life coming from our two story house.

I stormed my way out of my room and headed towards her bedroom, fuming and not slowing down until I was there. I knocked harshly on the door two times before opening it widely without any more considerations. I had had enough and it had cost me a conversation with my dad.

"Yes?" she inquired after a while, as she looked up to me from her phone. She only glanced at me briefly, though, before returning to tap away on her phone. That was all the sound you could hear for a short moment, the click clack of her fake fingernails against the phone.

I stared at her, wondering who this woman in front of me was, what had happened to my mom. It was as if she had vanished into thin air and this complete stranger had taken over her place. "Don't make such a fuss, you know the neighbors can hear anything in the houses of this neighborhood," she scolded after a moment.

I groaned frustrated. "I don't give a fuck!" I growled, shutting the door behind me with a strong blow so that I could make my point clear. "What is this?!" I questioned in a strained voice, with tears already spilling down my cheeks. I stomped my way to her with my laptop hanging from my trembling from rage hands.

She was now staring bewildered at me. She gaped at me, not taking the laptop that I had practically shoved on her face. "Olivia!"

"What is this?" I asked once again, cutting her off and emphasizing every single word with distaste. I shook the laptop in front of her and she snatched it off my hands after she rolled her eyes at me. She scanned through the message for half a second and then looked up at me.

She gave me a lazy look. "You don't even care about either your father or me, what is the big deal of missing a call from him?"

"Are you fucking kidding me? You are the one that does not care about anyone but yourself!" I snarled angrily as I raised my arms up in the air with frustration.

"Look, this is enough. You have to go to sleep or your face will deal with the consequences. You don't want wrinkles at a young age, do you? I know Henry would not," the stranger in front of me ranted, not even bothering on looking at me anymore. She calmingly handed me back the laptop and returned to tap on her phone.

I only glared at her and angrily spat, "I hate you," before walking out of her room. I locked myself in my room, throwing the laptop on the desk and then rested my back against the cold, white door. I slowly let go, my back sliding down the lean surface of the door until my bottom found support on the floor. I brought my knees to my chest and hugged myself tightly, feeling the rage fade away and resignation take over. I rested my chin on my knees and started quietly sobbing.

The question I had been asking myself gathered force as it grew stronger and stronger and it became more powerful. Did I want to be gone? Yes, at the moment, absolutely yes.