Through The Dark

12 - Olivia

12 - Olivia

While coming to my senses after probably the toughest night of my life –or at least the one after the first night I spent without Anna, after she had passed away, when I felt like I was on my own (a feeling I never got to shake off afterwards)-, I shuddered involuntarily under the thick duvet cover as the light penetrating through the window hurt my eyes.

The thick duvet was a must around here. My mother loved to turn the air conditioning to its maximum at all times. It was freezing inside this house. It was quite a dramatic change when you stepped outside, so hot and sticky and humid. Sometimes I preferred it. I would go through anything as long as I could stay away from her.

As I recovered consciousness, I turned around and let out a muffled cry of pain. It seared through me, making me gasp in shock. Almost as if someone was ripping my soul out of my chest with me fully and completely conscious. It felt like a constricting weight that is being shoved against my chest and I cannot breathe properly. Great, just the way I like waking up.

Flashbacks from yesterday come in full force, reminding me how I had completely lost it and tried to take my life. How pathetic.

Along with those memories came on Emmalyn Twain, the girl I hated and who was probably the cherry on top of my breakdown. I could just see it in her eyes: she thought I had a perfect life and that I thought I was the best. If only she knew. The mere thought of it makes me want to laugh bitterly.

I had actually thought I could make it through yesterday, you know. It was not the first day I thought it was all lost and that I was better off dead. But I had not counted on Tobias Claxton showing up to my Physics class and the flashbacks of Anna, all of it thrusting a knife into my heart as deeply as it did.

I certainly did not expect Emmalyn to hurt me in the way she did, reminding me of plastic surgeons exactly the day I was mourning terribly for my passed away aunt. Not that she would mind hurting me.

But I do not think she did it on purpose. She does not even know about my aunt's passing away. I was dead set on not letting anyone know about that. They would distort her death and pinpoint her mistakes or call her names when they knew no shit about her. They would ruin her immaculate personality when they did not have the right, since they did not know a thing about her. I would never let that happen.

I would forever hate surgeons for their stupid mistakes. No one was supposed to die from a plastic surgery. That was just stupid. They were supposed to ask patients beforehand if they were allergic to any medication.

It had happened, though, and now I had lost my aunt, the greatest person I had ever met in my life. She had always believed in me, made me feel special. Nonetheless, now she was gone and I was alone. And what was the point of a lawsuit? That did not bring my beloved aunt back. If it were up to my mother we would have gone through with it, of course. But my father shared my way of thinking and forced my mother to let his sister rest in peace.

It took a lot of effort and not wanting my father to leave her –for social reasons, obviously - for her to agree to it. He had not said out loud that he would leave her if she insisted on the lawsuit, but even a no-brianer like her could get it. She is a master in those kinds of intuitive situations anyway. I could only wish she were that intuitive in other sorts of affairs, like her daughter.

All of that was part of the past, nevertheless. Now, a new day was gone, the day after my attempt to suicide. It felt like forever ago, but at the same time the images were so alive and fresh in my memory that I could still hear the waves rummaging inside my ears, mocking me, calling me to meet them at the bottom of the river.