My Big Bad Alpha

Chapter Forty-Seven

Abigail's P.O.V.
All I had done for the past week was sleep. At least that's what it felt like. Jaxon didn't want to try for a pup anymore, and I didn't know why. Well I pretended that I didn't know. We clearly weren't having any luck and I understood that he was disappointed but so was I that didn't mean we had to stop trying. We definitely weren't going to if we just stopped attempting to. Laying in bed all week was making me sick, I wanted to be normal again but I couldn't make myself. Sleep was all I wanted to do, I couldn't even eat without getting sick, my head pounded from the lack of food, and it felt as if my stomach was going to eat itself. Assuming it was the depressive state I'd put myself in I never thought twice about it, until Lyssa came to visit. She came with Charlie as their usual routine and asked Jaxon how I was and upon his telling her that I hadn't left our room she decided to visit me as well.

"You look terrible." Was the first thing what came out of her mouth, I wanted to roll my eyes at her. "Thanks." I hugged out leaning against the headboard as she came to sit at the end of our bed. "Jaxon said you were upset with him." She said vaguely and I knew that she was praying for more information as to what was going on with me. At first I wasn't going to tell her, besides it wasn't like it was any of her business to begin with but I felt as if I was slowly losing my mind. Maybe I was being crazy with it all, it was after party Jaxons choice if we had a child. "He's done trying, at least for now." I started off. Lyssa looked shocked, and really I was too when Jaxon had first told me. What man didn't want to have sex all the time? But the more he explained the worse I felt, he was right. I didn't care how either of us felt when we did or even when we didn't, I just wanted to try anything and everything possible to get pregnant. I began to tell her the things that Jaxon had told me, even going as far to tell her that he wasn't even sleeping in our room currently. "He's just leaving you alone?" She asked skeptical. "No. He checks on me quite a bit, even more so the last two days. I haven't felt well, I can't seem to keep anything down or even sleep good." I said. It was true I was completely exhausted, no matter how much I slept it felt as if it wasn't enough and I knew that the lack of food had something to do with it but I couldn't do anything about it. Jaxon would probably make me come out and see a doctor soon if I didn't get any better. I knew if he were to sleep in bed with me I would feel somewhat better but the stubborn parts of the both of us refused to let that happen. She starred at me wordlessly for a while before asking, "When's the last time you took a pregnancy test?" At even the mention of it my eyes seemed to water up, it had been a couple of weeks now, it was before Jaxon had told me he wanted us to stop trying. He had even gone as far as to throw out all the testing kits I had gotten because he said that it was beginning to control my life. "But we haven't had sex in a week or so now so it doesn't even matter." I had given up all hope for the time being, it wasn't meant to be right now. At least that's what I kept telling myself, trying to make the situation a little easier but it didn't seem to be working no matter how hard I tried. "Why don't you take another?" She said standing up from the bed. I didn't know what she was on about, I knew I wasn't pregnant so why did she want me to take a test for? Knowing her it was probably some sort of healing process. I wondered if it was something she had done when she had lost her first pup, pushing down the awful feeling I had I told her I would. "I'll go get one from the doctor really quickly okay? I'll be right back." She said getting ready to leave the room. "Lyssa don't tell Jaxon okay? I don't want him to be even more upset with me." "Of course."

It was only a few minutes later when Lyssa returned back to my room with the test. Even looking at it made me upset. Goddess knows how many I had gone through in the past 9 or so months and while I was upset that Jaxon had thrown them all out it had been nice not to see the negative reading anymore or the abundance of negative tests that I'd thrown in the trash can. "I brought you some water too." She said handing me a glass. I drank it slowly almost afraid that I would simply throw it back up if I drank it too quickly. And maybe even to avoid seeing another test without the result I wanted. Quickly opening the test she handed it to me, "Go take it. I'll be out here the whole time and if you need to see Jaxon just tell me and I'll go get him okay?" I took a few deep breaths gathering the strength to do this yet again, I tried to remind myself it was some sort of healing process. Taking the test from her i went into the bathroom managing to get it done without crying. Still yet hiding away in the bathroom to keep Lyssa from seeing me so emotional once I saw the result, I waited. My eyes watered with tears as I waited to see the same result as always, unable to help myself from calling in my mind for Jax. 'Jax please I need you.' I called. Less than two minutes he was nearly ripping the bathroom door from the hinges pulling my crying form into his arms. "Baby why would you do this to yourself?" He asked holding me tightly. I shook my head upset handing him the test. As he looked I pulled away from him, his hands coming to hold my face that held a smile underneath the tears. "I'm pregnant."