So wrong, yet so right

Chapter 18 - What not to do

A week had passed since Michael paid a visit to my house. Jordan came rather soon after, and I felt I was keeping a secret for him because I didn't tell him everything. Also, I've, kept thinking about whether or not I should be with Jordan. Even If I didn't get Michael by breaking up with Jordan, it was better than trying my hardest to fall in love with him. I care about him, but I can't compare it to what I still feel for Michael.

I sat down with Rory and Hannah at lunch. It was Friday, and usually I was happy it was soon to be a weekend. But I had too many thoughts in my head to focus on the good things.

"Something's up?" Rory asks.

I sigh. "The same as always"

"Things aren't going great with Jordan?"

"No, I mean... He is very good to me, but I can't stop thinking about Michael" I said, dragging my fingers through my hair in frustration.

"If you don't like Jordan in that way, it's better to be single. You can't force yourself to feel something. It's either there or not" Hannah

"I know. I've been thinking about that ever since I started dating him. It has only been seemingly 2 months"

"But you liked him right?"

"Of course. He is so amazing and all. I'm just...stupid. And I can't stop thinking about Michael"

"First thing you have to do is tell Jordan"

"I know... I know"

"You're going to the party later right?" Hannah then asks.

I look at here, weighing my choices. I wanted to go, but most likely Jordan would be there. And if I were to break it off with him, it would be strange going to the party straight after.

"I don't know yet" I sigh.

She places her hand on mine and gives me a smile. "Look, whatever you do, it's not the end of the world. And then you can come to the party and have a good time with your friends" she says.

"Trust me. After partying with us you won't think about anything that gets you down" Rory adds and I feel so grateful having such great friends.

After much thinking during the entire school-day, I text Jordan saying that I have to talk to him in after school. I feel scared, had a knot in my stomach the entire time, just waiting for the moment. I did not want to hurt him. But we had not been dating for a long time either. And even though it might be for a completely wrong reason, it felt more right than wrong, and that's all that matters.

"Jordan..." I start taking a seat on the stonewall surrounding the school. He looks at me, a little bit worried.

"Something's happened?"
I sigh. I would rather skip this part, and just go straight to the part where he knew, and I could go home and feel stupid. But something stopped me from saying what I really wanted.

"I ... Just wondered if you're going to the party later" I say instead, realizing quickly how stupid I was.

"Was going to ask you the same" He smiles. And I feel bad because I'm keeping something from him. I wanted to distance myself from Michael. I knew I wasn't patient enough, but I saw him too often for it to be easy.

"Did you talk to him?" she yells over the loud music as we're standing on the floor where everyone is dancing with drinks in our hands.

"No. I couldn't do it. But I'm still going to have a great time. Come, let's do some shots" I grin, taking them both with me to find drinks.

The entire night was filled with heavy dancing, drinking and laughter. It was the greatest night I'd had in a while. I was so drunk that all my thoughts from earlier had vanished. And it felt could to be without any worrying.

My intoxicated self, had made my way out from the party. I hadn't talked much to Jordan as he was preoccupied with his friends the entire night. Rory and Hannah had left, and I had suddenly an urge to go see someone I knew I shouldn't.

Every feeling I felt earlier had increased rapidly. I stood outside his house, after stumbling all the way to his house. I knocked, waiting for him to open. And seconds later, he did.

His sweet eyes looked straight at me. It was probably really late, and I could tell by him being in his Pjs. "Rebecca, what are you doing here?" He asks. My body had no balance whatsoever and I felt myself fall, waiting for my body to hit the hard ground. Instead, I felt two arms capture me. I looked up starring straight up at Michael. He lifts me up, and I have my arm around his neck as he helps me inside.

"Are you ok?"

"No... I'm drunk" I whine.

"Come. Let's sit down" He followed me over to his couch and helped me sit down. I kicked off my shoes and laid down. Seconds later he came to me with a glass of water. I took it and started drinking. I was too drunk to think straight, but I knew I would regret this in the morning.

He sits down beside me. I place the glass on the table near me and look at him. He can't help but smile, and I do to.

"Do you want to kiss me" I ask suddenly as I sit up on the coach again.

He chuckles. "I don't think I should answer that. Do you want me to follow you home?"

"No... My dad will be so mad, can I stay? I'll be quiet" I chuckle, having no control of any emotions or motions I'm doing. The alcohol does the speaking.

"Of course, can you stay, now come, you can borrow a shirt and you can take the bed" He says, getting up.

"Why? Don't you want to sleep with me?" I ask, getting up as well, crossing my arms.

"You know I'm seeing someone. Besides, I would never take advantage of you while you're drunk"

"I just said sleep. I'm seeing someone too you know"

"Is he good to you?" He hands me one of his shirts and as drunk as I am, I take my clothes off right in front of him. He turns around once he registers.

"You're one of a kind" He chuckles.

"It's not like you haven't seen this before" - "And yes, he is very to me" I exaggerate. I wanted him to get jealous.

"I'm glad. You deserve that"

"I deserve you" I blur out, turning around to meet his stare. Apparently, he had turned around again before I was even finished.

And then suddenly I was a little bit too close to him. He didn't seem to mind since he hadn't yet taken a step back. I wanted him so bad, my body was aching.

A/N

Now, i finally finished my bachelor!! And this summer I'm planning on writing a lot. So, I hope you are all ready for that haha <3 And I'm still so sorry for being away for so long, but school has really put a lot of stress on me.. as well as other things happening. But thank you all for still staying. Love you all so, so much xo