So wrong, yet so right

Chapter 33 - Speechless

Had he really just left me like this? After giving me a ring, promising me a future with him. And then suddenly, he was just gone? Was it all just a game to him? I could have never seen him being this heartless. As if I meant nothing to him, when he meant the world to me. The hardest part was to pretend that everything was fine. Because it was far from the truth.

It had already been a month since it happened. Counting days, hoping he would once reach out to me again. Endless messages only standing as "Delievered" - trying to call him for days until I finally realised he didn't want to be found. He did not want to have anything to do with me. Cause if he did, he wouldn't disappear like this.

"I know you're terribly heartbroken - And we both hate seeing you like this. But we hope you're at least considering coming to shop prom dresses with us. Maybe it will get your mind off of it" Rory says. I sense an insecurity in her voice as if she was afraid of asking me anything at all. I hadn't been the bestest of friends to either of them. Locking my self in my room, barely eating for days left my body in the weakest state I had ever been in. 

Never in my life had I felt so low.

"I'm sorry. I will go shopping with you. I have to try to do something fun for a change" I say, forcing a smile. I was happy to have such good friends. They had been there for me ever since it happened, putting up with my sadness every day in school.

During all the heartbreak we all had to prepare for senior prom. We were finally going to be finished with school. I had honestly waited for this day ever since I had started. But school did have a lot of good memories, including my friends.

I pick out a lavender silky dress. My curly hair falls elegantly on my back as I make a twirl, mirroring myself in the mirror. I felt the need to look good - or at least feel good for the day - because I had not for weeks. I had cried too much, making my eyes so soar and puffy. Today I had not cried yet, and the makeup was doing it's purpose.

"Do we have something to drink?" I ask.

"Do we have. Of course we do." 

And I took a sip. Then another one - And again.

                                                                                                ****

The lights were beaming, and the music loud. My body felt much calmer than before due to the alcohol in my body. A sense of relaxation had never felt better. 

We were on the dancefloor, dancing to the likes of Rihanna, Ariana and top hits of the year. I found myself having a bette time than expected. Being with my best friends, not worrying about anything but not embarrassing myself on the dancefloor felt good for a change.

After a little while, someone tapped me on my shoulder. I turn around to see Jordan, looking suddenly more handsome than I recalled. Not that I had not seen him in a while - But I certainly had not thought much about him lately. I smile a little.

"Do you want to dance?" He asks, reaching out for my hand. I am hesistant at first, but someone - Rory or Hannah nudges me towards him and I slightly bump into him. 

"I would like to." 

We dance, and talk. We talk, and dance. I laugh - He laughs. It felt good for a change, but the guilt of dancing with another guy - this also being my ex - came slowly to the surface. Suddenly it felt as if someone had punched me in the stomach. I needed a minute to breathe.

"I think I need some air." I say.

He looks slightly worried. "Do you want me to join you?"

"No..I..." - "I will be right back."  And with that I go towards the table we were seated at to grab my purse.

The moment I stepped out of the school, I am met with a sight I never thought I would. There he was, looking as handsome as always. My heart was beating so fast I felt as if I was going to have a heartattack. I could not comprehend this. Was he really standing in front of me? I walk down towards him. I wanted to jump in his arms, kiss him and yell at him at the same time.

"Michael?" - Yet, that was the only word coming from my mouth, uncertain if what I was seeing was true.

"You look beautiful." He starts.

I truly adored hearing those words from him, but what I once adored, felt suddenly so distant. A mix of love, anger, hurt and betrayl. I love him in so many ways I never knew was possible. Yet, I hated him.

"Can we talk?" He continutes, taking another step towards me.

I stand still, for what feels like an eternity - But really just seconds before I find the words.

"NO! You left me. You actually just left me."

"I had to."

"You had to?"

I take a deep breath, trying to collect myself as I feel tears filling my eyes.

"You could have texted me, called me... just talked to me." I say, a lump forming in my throat, making words harder to speak.
"I would have ruined your relationship with your parents"

I just look at him, for a mere second before I speak. "Well - You ruined us."

What I really wanted to say was that I forgive him for breaking me. But why should I? He made me question myself to the point where I did not think I was deserving of love. And as much as he did this for me and the relationship with my parents - he also knew I was old enough to make my own decisions. And this should have been a decision we were supposed to take together.

"I have to go." I finally say and by the looks of him - he seemed speechless.

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A/N!!

I know the drinking age in USA is 21, but in Europe where I live, it is 18. So when I write this, it is legal for them to drink - But not legal at school ofc. xo