So wrong, yet so right

Chapter 5 - A mistake

30.11.16

It's been a week since I paid a visit to Michael .. and met Alice instead. He hasn't said anything to me. And those few times he had been with my dad, he acted like nothing had happened. Which was probably how he should act. Still, I'm feeling utterly confused... What should I do? 

Hanging at home on a thursday night was quite boring. While my parents were out having fun, I sat inside bored to death. Not knowing what to do. I could call some friends, but I somewhat liked being alone. I don't know why.. I just do.

I make my way over to the dvd's and find a serie to watch. Recently I had started watching Beverly Hills 90210, the old series. And I quite liked it. 

I noticed the darkness was set over the city, but as I looked over at the clock, it was only 6 pm. I realised that it was almost December, and it wasn't unlikely that it was dark this early. Yet, you felt really tired.

I woke up by someone ringing the doorbell several times. My head hurts but I still get up from the couch. Tiredly, I make my way over to the door and open. The view is slightly blury, but I blink a few times, and suddenly wake up when I see who it is.

"Michael" I say, surprisingly.

"Hey. Is your dad home?"

"No. Him and my mom are out for dinner"

"Ah, that's right. He told me. I forgot.." 

"It's fine..."

Then, there was an awkward silence. I looked down at my feet. What am I going to say? I kind of want to speak about that little incidence, but I don't want to seem to desperate either.

"Can I come in?"

"Sure!... Come in" I stepped aside and let him in, closing the door behind him. Could this be even more embarrassing? I'm pretty sure he isn't here because he wanted to ask if my dad is home. It has to be about the kiss.

"We need to talk" He suddenly said, turning to me.

I sighed. "I know. I'm sorry I kissed you.. I shouldn't have"

"Right! You shouldn't have" He said, sounding slightly angry and I looked away, terribly embarrassed. "Cause now, I can't stop thinking about you"  His voice changed, suddenly sounding so sincere. I looked up again, straight at him. There was a moment of silence. I couldn't find any words to say, as they had disappeared.

I was in shock, honestly because I never saw it coming even though the thought had crossed my mind. "W-What" I managed to stutter.

"I can't stop thinkin about you" He said one more time making the words stick to the back of my mind. He stepped closer, until he was only inches away from me. He moved his hand up to my face, tucking away some hair behind my ear. His eyes were so sparkly, and I could just swim in them. I was in a trance, just gazing into his eyes.

His mouth slightly parted, as his eyes went from my eyes to my lips. I wanted to close the small gap between us. My heart was beating violently in my chest. Because of me being too short I had to stand on my toes to reach his lips. And once I did, he bend down so I could stand normally again. 

Is this what heaven feels like? His hands holding my face, our lips syncronically moving together. I had my arms encircled around his waist. We were both panting in between kissing, of the intensity that rapidly came over us. 

He lifted me up, I wrapped my legs around his waist - and he carried me into the living room, lying me down on the couch. Him on top. The kiss didn't break, but a small frightening feeling kept popping up in my head. I was a virgin.

"Michael" I breathed, pushing him off. He sat up, looking at me confused. 

"What?"

I fixed my hair, looking down at my hands nervously. I could tell him. But I didn't want to. Somehow it felt embarrassing even though everyone is untouched to begin with. "Nothing" I smiled, looking over at him again.

"I just think that we have to be careful. My parents can never find out"

"Maybe this was a mistake"

"No.. I mean, I'm 18 so it's legal" I sat closer to him again. 

"Yeah, but how could we actually do this?" He sounded worried.

"Well first you can break up with your girlfriend"

"I can't break up with her"

"Why not?"

"For what good would it be?"

"Well, you are basically cheating on her"

"But it's not like I can be together with you"

"Then why are we doing this?"

 Every small heavenly thought I had had the entire day was now shadowed by the serious conversation. The truth about everything. We couldn't be together. Not that it wouldn't be legal, but I don't think it would be met with applause and happy faces. My parents would kill me, never mind.. They would kill him. Who was I to think that this actually could have a happy ending?