No Regrets (A Larry Stylinson Student/Teacher Fic)

Chapter 43

Harry's POV

I sat in my room, banging the back of my head on the door repeatedly. I hated my life, everything always went wrong for me ever since I was little. When I was younger I was best friends with my cousin, we'd play army games in our back gardens and have our own picnics in the parks. We'd talk about growing up together and joining the army, sticking by each other's sides through thick and thin. We had everything in our future planned out, yet it all went wrong when his babysitter screwed up. She let him out on the front, he slipped the gate and was hit by a car. I didn't believe he was gone at first, I sat by his hospital bed, holding his hand and begging for him to wake up. I sat beside him for hours, reminding him of what our future was going to be like and how we were going to be army buddies, but the time came for me to say goodbye. I dressed up nice and smart in my black tuxedo, I wore a pale blue tie as it was his favourite colour. I wrote him a letter too and left it with a rose, it took me a while to get over his death.

Life soon picked up after that, I started my primary school and made a bunch of new friends. Gem was doing great in school and she was already planning what to do for the rest of her life, my idea of going in the army had changed because I couldn't face it alone. Without Joe by my side I'd feel lost in the army, we'd promised to be together throughout but I couldn't do it. In primary school I'd made new best friends called Jack and Craig, we were as tight as we could be. Everything in school was fine and I thought things at home were too, when I heard shouting in the house I'd clamber down the stairs and listen. I couldn't understand some of the things they were shouting about but when they spotted me they told me there was a spider and they had to get rid of it, so when Gem was home and she scurried into my room because they were shouting I just told her there was a spider. I was pretty stupid and believed anything back then, but I soon realised they were arguing about life and money, and that's when my family broke. My dad left without saying goodbye and mum reassured us he would come home, me and Gem would sit by the door every day after school waiting for him, but after a few months we knew he wasn't coming back. Me and Gem became too much for mum to handle on her own so Gem spent her secondary school years at grandmas, mum tried her best to take care of me just as well but she was still struggling. 

Now that I was in secondary school Gem had gone away to Amsterdam to study in university, I was extremely proud of her, my mum was too. Apparently nothing good can come to me in secondary school either, my first proper love was ruined by my headteacher, Mr Holland. I honestly hated him with a passion, Zayn made my life a misery from year 8-11 and Mr Holland has wrecked my final few months here at this school. I can't wait to leave and go to a college, away from all these judge mental people and hopefully surround myself with nicer people. I don't even see the point in trying with this drama performance anymore, the one person I was really doing it for had been chucked out of the school. I should have dropped the lead role when I had the chance, then I would have had less people to disappoint. Right now I've got the whole class depending on me, they're expecting me to put on a flawless performance but the whole time I'll be thinking of Louis and how proud he would have been. I hated life, for me it sucked. 

I hated feeling jealous too, there's two people that I'm the most jealous of. Niall and Zayn. Crazy to admit but I actually am jealous of them, Zayn seems to have it all. He's got this flawless, bad boy look and all the girls falling at his feet. He's not bullied for whatever sexuality he is and he's amazing at acting, he can get away with anything because the teachers are either scared of him or in love with him. He's got a big group of friends, fake or not they stand by his side. His reputation scares others, including me and I look so pathetic next to him. He's somebody who I want to be.

Niall on the other hand, even though he's bullied occasionally I still wish I could be him. He's recently gotten into one of the best relationships with somebody just like Louis, he's the student and Liam is an actual teacher. If I outed their relationship Niall would feel the real pain of losing somebody. We've spoke about how I lost my cousin, my sister and my dad and he says he understands, but he doesn't. He thinks the pain of losing a pet rabbit is the same as losing a family member, but it isn't. I'm jealous because he hasns't felt real pain, that's something I crave so bad. Before he came out in year 8, girls throughout year 7 and 8 adored him. It was like the movies, if he broke something they all swarmed him and took care of him, secluding me. He managed to find somebody to make real love to and I'm still waiting to even get a touch from the person I love. He's gave himself up to somebody who truly means the world to him because he can, I can't though. My lover has been sent away, found a new friend called Mikey and is going to be travelling around to meet so many other people he could fall in love with.

That's all I could think about, how much my life sucks and how everybody else is living their dreams. I just want something to make me happy, something that will make me smile and keep me going through the hard times. But I wasn't good enough for something like that, I deserved the pain and the suffering, just like always.

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this is just kind of an insight on how harry feels

ik it's a filler i apologise but yeah

larry or niam?

should larry fight for each other?

thank you so much for 60,000 reads! that's crazy!

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