If I Could

{49} - Don't Try Suicide

"I didn't find the poker set but I found something more interesting," Jessica said as she held the photo album. "You.. You knew Belle Bulsara?".

Roger gulped, his gaze falling straight to the floor. He wasn't annoyed about Jessica opening the photo album, but he was confused. What would he do now? What would he say about Belle? He had two options: He could downgrade her and just refer to her as a close friend or as a simple crush or he could be honest and tell Jessica he had once thought of Belle as the love of his life. Part of him wanted to go with the latter just in case Roger and Belle would someday somehow end up together, so his words would match his sentiments. But he knew it wasn't possible, he knew Belle was long gone. He understood that no matter what he did, what he said, what he thought, Belle wasn't his anymore. Maybe she never was. His mind demanded him to learn that he had no right to feel the way he did, because he was the one who had left Belle. All his brain told him was: "You left, you left, you left." Some days he felt like he had done an heroic thing and the next day he'd feel like he had committed emotional suicide. He even wondered if Jessica was a distraction from Belle. Was she? Probably. But it wasn't meant to be taken personally —  everything was only a distraction from Belle Bulsara to this point.

"Oh, well", Roger chuckled. "What would you do if I told you that Belle Bulsara indeed does drink?".

Jessica scratched the back or her neck. "Did you ever date her? When were this pictures taken?".

"No, I never dated her," Roger replied, trying to sound as serene as possible. "She was my friend. Met her seven years ago. Every inch the lovely woman you'd imagine her to be".

"Oh God.. My boyfriend was friends with Belle Bulsara! How amazing is that?", she cheerfully exclaimed, bringing her hands over to her face. "Do you still talk to her? You guys seemed to be pretty close."

"Yeah, we were close. But we grew apart. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I imagined you'd be overwhelmed and well, Belle was just a friend".

Jessica sighed, giving Roger a soothing smile. "I understand. But why do you look so..? I don't know. You have this look on your face that makes you look happy and sad at the same time".

"I— I don't what you're talking about", Roger stuttered, faking a smile. He was fine, really.

"You look strange".

"I'm fine".

----------------------------------------------------

Rami Malek was frustrated.

He had just entered Catherine Scarborough's apartment and the first thing he noticed was that it was reeking of bleach. It made sense, Kate's hair was spiked in a botched soft yellow hue from root to tip. It didn't look good, and Rami skipped the greeting only to directly comment on his friend's new hair colour:

"Look at your hair. Why'd you do that to yourself?".

Kate gave him a dirty look over a milk carton in her hand and pointed over her shoulder to the small living room, and Rami supposed she was beckoning him to sit, an act which he did. "My sister told me I'd look good in this shade," Catherine said, closing the apartment's door and sitting on a stool.

"Well, she clearly lied to you."

"What brings you here today, Rami Said? Last thing I heard from you was that one of your side girls refused to continue seeing you after finding out Belle was pregnant."

Rami chuckled, stealing a cigarette from the open pack on a table. "I mean, that simply was a big load of rubbish. The press basically lives off our lives. There's no way she wouldn't have known. She simply wanted to test me, see if I'd come running after her."

"Well, the way you're talking right now intrigues me. You sound more mature, like a man who has finally settled down. But you're Rami Malek and monogamy doesn't happen to you. I know that after the whole new-father-bliss dies down you'll go back to your old habits, which leaves me with a lot of questions, but the most resonant one is: If Belle ever cheated on you, would you be mad at her for doing the same thing you did to her?".

Rami raised an eyebrow, letting out a cocky laugh. "I didn't drive all the way to the slummiest part of town just to talk about love ethics", Rami said, blowing smoke in the direction of the TV screen. "I'm actually the one who should be asking the questions. Why are you here? Where are you children? Why do you look homeless?".

"The last few months have been as bad as they could be. Just look at Roger now, he's travelling all around the country with a random woman he's only known for a month. Seems like I did him a favour by divorcing him. That piece of crap, he's been having too much confidence lately. I wish I could wipe that stupid smile off his face", Catherine hissed, glaring at a newspaper that showed a picture of him with Jessica.

"Last month Belle and I went to have dinner with some friends. Roger was there. He was giving some romantic glances to Belle and it made me so angry that I punched him. I think I knocked him out, but I'm not sure. You're right, he's been having too much confidence lately. He needed to be put back in his place and stop chasing Belle".

"I'm glad you hit him but the fact that you didn't put him in a coma offends me", Catherine stated. "Maybe you should do it again some time. Nothing would make me happier than seeing Roger being brought down".

Rami rolled his eyes, smashing the cigarette butt down into the ashtray. "What the hell, Kate? I mean, I know you may feel resentful but he's the father of your children. Belle has obviously done things I'm not a fan of but I would never say something bad about her, she's Alice's mother. At least I'd try really hard not to bad-mouth her. You always said the only thing that was bothering you was that Roger was with Belle. Roger isn't with Belle. Why do you complain so much? It's time to move on and find another rich man to spend your weekends with".  

"Rami, listen to me", Kate snapped her fingers as a way to catch his attention. "I freaking lost everything. I lost my husband, I lost my status, I lost my dignity, I lost my children, I lost my piece of mind, but I know that's too bloody hard for you to understand. Because what did you get, imbecile? You got a wife, you got a daughter, you got millions of new money. Yes, we shared the same objective, which was keeping Roger and Belle apart, and even though we got what we wanted, only one person won, and that person's you".

"What does this even mean, Catherine? God, my advice would be to quit Taylor Enterprises and start auditioning for soap operas", Rami mocked, standing up and walking towards the door. "You need help, Kate".

"And you need to understand. Rami! Screw you if you go".

Rami let out a deep sigh and left Catherine's apartment feeling somewhat annoyed, but he still could understand what Kate was trying to say and what she felt. 

But Rami didn't have any more time to lose. He wanted to laugh, because he began to suspect that the reason why he had decided to leave Catherine's apartment wasn't necessarily his annoyance — but the fact that he and Belle were supposed to have dinner at the Mazzello's.

He drove as fast as he could and when he got home, he took a shower and got changed, having a small talk with Belle in the meantime.

"Are you ready to go?", Belle asked Rami as she hung her purse over her shoulder.

"Yeah, just give me a second", Rami replied, rushing to Alice's nursery. He had forgotten to bring Alice's pram.

His phone suddenly rang, and he hastily answered the call, not even bothering to check the number.

"Good evening. Is this Mr. Rami Malek?".

"Yes. Who is this?".

"We're calling because you're the last person Catherine Scarborough talked to".

"And?".

"She's being taken to the hospital right now".

"Why?".

"She attempted suicide".