Elise Riley-Tate moves through life in search of her happily ever after. After suffering a devastating loss, Elise questions her womanhood and place in her life and marriage. An unfortunate sequence of events leaves Elise in a conflicted situation...
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One Month Later
August 7, 2014
Today was the student's first day back although I returned last week. It was good to be back around my colleagues and students. It felt normal. Over the past month, I've been working really hard to pull it together. Zach and I were in a better place. He opened up to me about how he felt about the miscarriage and also let me know that as soon as we get the green light, he wanted to try again. That led to another blow out because I told him that I wasn't ready and that I needed time. I also let him know that I was not going to allow him to pressure me into doing something that I didn't feel mentally or physically ready for.
I love Zach, I do. However, I realized that somewhere along the road, I allowed his wants and needs to trump my own. I had lost my voice in our marriage, and as I began to heal from my loss, I was not only coming back to the woman I was before the baby but before Zach as well. Three taps on my office door drew me out of my thoughts. " It's open come on in," I said in a singsong voice. I was always extra chipper at work. The students told me I needed to lay off the caffeine, but the fact was, I genuinely was just happy to be here.
" I have a delivery for Mrs. Tate," a young boy stated walking in with a beautiful bouquet of flowers. I knew exactly who these were from. Every year, Zach sends me flowers on the first day of school as a salute to a great year. At first, I thought it was corny, but now four years later I look forward to it.
I thanked the young man and placed the flowers in the center of my desk. There were two dozen rainbow colored roses in a purple vase. They were beautiful. I had never seen anything quite like it. I reached in the midst of the arrangement for the small card nestled between the roses.
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Here's to year four! I pray that is a blessed, prosperous and fruitful year. Love Zachery
He just had to insert the fruitful part. That definitely brought me down a little. I undoubtedly wanted to start a family with Zach; I just didn't think that now was the time. Our miscarriage not only broke us as individuals, but it also broke us as a unit. There were cracks in our foundation that needed to be fixed before we added more weight onto it.
The ringing of my office brought me out of thoughts. " Good Morning, Discovery High, this is Mrs. Tate speaking, how may I assist you today," I answered in my professional voice as my mama called it.
"Morning baby, did you like your flowers," Zach's voice smoothly crooned me. His voice was so thick and husky it had a sort of vibration to it. I sat down in my office chair placing the card back inside the flowers.
" I did babe! They are beautiful, thank you," I cooed to him. Zach could be so thoughtful sometimes, and I think that's what I loved and hated the most about him.
" I thought you would like them. They're so different. When the lady showed them to me, I saw you. They were vibrant and color rich. They held so much life in them," he expressed emphatically.
I chuckled to myself, " Okay Zach, what do you want? You're laying it on thick this morning. First, you bring me breakfast in bed, the flowers are normal, but you're speech, eh...,"
Zach let out a hearty laugh on the other end of the phone, " Man listen, give me some bonus points or something, I'm trying man," he said while we both laughed at his attempt at romance. If you didn't know Zach you would think this was sweet but for those of that knew the blunt and stoic Zach, it was just awkward and hilarious.
"Ok... Ok... for real. I was going through my office at home, and I came across an envelope with my name on it, in your handwriting. I thought you wrote me one of those essays you used to write to me when you were mad at me."
" Shut up dude," I cut him off.
" Nah man, you used to give me a straight dissertation back in the day when you were mad with me. But anywho, as I was saying, this was the note you wrote your bet on. Remember, when you and I bet on the gender of the baby," he said hesitantly. I leaned back in my seat and bit down on my bottom lip. I looked over at the clock on the wall, 9:25 am. It was too early in the morning to be in my feelings. So I took a deep breath and sat up in my seat.
" Yeah, I remember, but you don't have to-" he cut me off.
" A deal is a deal, Elise. It says here you want a baecation. I thought maybe you could take off the Friday before Labor Day and we can go down to Orange Beach. We can celebrate our anniversary considering we canceled the cruise because..." he let the sentence linger not really knowing if it was okay to talk about it.
" That- That sounds good actually. I could use some vitamin D," I said breathlessly. I was a little on edge. We initially were going on a cruise but canceled when we found I was pregnant because we figure it would be a bad idea to be on the water and pregnant.
" El, you at working thinking about the D? What has gotten into you this morning?" he said suggestively. I could picture him leaned back in his seat with a smirk on his face.
" Boy, you crazy. I'm talking about from the sunlight clown, real-life Vitamin D. Just nasty," I said while laughing.
" Oh, my bad. It's just been so long, I-" I cut him off.
"And that's my cue, I'll see you later. Love you bye" I hung up not even waiting for a response. I leaned back in my seat and used my feet to sway my body from left to right while I stared up at the ceiling. It wasn't that I didn't want to have sex with my husband, God knows I did. I was just scared. Was it going to feel the same for me... for him? I wasn't worried about getting pregnant. I got on the shot right after the fourth of July. I knew Zach would be mad about it, but I had to make sure there were no slip-ups between now and my procedure. Pills weren't an option because I could be forgetful and I knew Zach wouldn't remind me of it the way he did with my prenatals.
I felt terrible going behind my husband's back, but it was like no matter what I said he just wasn't getting it. I would have had two procedures on my uterus by the end of this year, and my body needed a break. Hell, I needed a break. I placed both feet firmly on the floor and tilted my head back upright.
" One day at a time, one foot in front of the other Elise," I coached myself. Standing to my feet, I was destined to focus on the positives and not the negatives. The school year off to a great start and in less than a month's time I would on the beach celebrating my third anniversary with my prince charming. Those were the facts. Facts that I could live with and cling on to.
