Elise Riley-Tate moves through life in search of her happily ever after. After suffering a devastating loss, Elise questions her womanhood and place in her life and marriage. An unfortunate sequence of events leaves Elise in a conflicted situation...
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The last week had been rough. I found it hard to do simple things like eat and get out of the bed. I even resulted to using the guest bedroom because my master bath held too many similarities to the hospital room. Some would say that it was silly because it was a bathroom, but the all white was overbearing. Zach went to back to work Wednesday. I guess the dark cloud hovering over me was too much for him. I rolled over to grab my vibrating phone from the nightstand.
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I threw my phone down in frustration. Why is that I have to tell my husband I need him? Sometimes I feel like I was the only one that lost something. He has somehow managed to keep going as if everything is alright; meanwhile, I find it hard to even get out of the bed at times. I roll onto my back staring at nothing in particular. I rolled my eyes frustrated with myself and threw my covers back with a huff.
I climbed out of bed and went to the closet to find something to put on. I settled for a pair of ripped light wash jeans and a purple cropped tank. I laid them across the bed along with my undergarments and a pair of gold gladiator sandals. I wasn't going anywhere, I just wanted to feel normal for once. I stalked my way over to our master bath. I froze in the doorway.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as I pushed myself into the bathroom. I turned my body away from the mirror and began to get undressed. I adjusted the knob to a comfortable temperature before getting in. The jets from the overhead spray began to relax my body. I moved my head into the water and allowed myself to be fully submerged underneath the water. Images of what could have been begun to flood my mind as I reached for my shampoo.
I started to think about the plans I made in my head and how happy Zach would be to have a mini- him. I rinsed the shampoo out and reached for the conditioner. My mind then drifted to how distant he had been this past week. We got home on Monday, and that day Tuesday, he mourned with me and loved on me, and on Wednesday I woke up to a note that he was going in for a few hours and he would be back soon. A few hours turned into a full shift.
I often wondered if he blamed me. If he was upset with me because I miscarried, that I couldn't give him the family that he wanted. I rinsed those thought away with the conditioner. As I lathered my loofah with my Dove body wash, I felt myself spending too much time in my stomach region. I was rubbing it in a circular motion, hoping for what, I don't know. I immediately stopped all movement and began to quickly wash and rinse my body.
