Shades Of Mafia

Confrontation.

Lorenzo Gabriel Jose
I'm in the gym working my ass out. I feel so frustrated. I'm getting weak. I'm showing emotion.

Last night, Sophia got on my nerves, she's been doing that a lot lately but my father always taught me that as much as I'm not supposed to show emotion, I should always be a gentleman to the ladies.

Yes, he loved the ladies.

I don't like the fact that I yell at her. Not because I feel sorry for her but because when you yell, you let anger take the best of you and nothing goes right. My enemies might use that against me. No I can't allow that. Just the thought of that makes me want to kill somebody.

Last night, showing anger wasn't the only thing I did wrong, I also showed pleasure.

A lot of it.

When I fucked Stacy, it was the same old boring, but when I fucked Sophia, it was different, on another level.

She cried the whole entire time like she was in pain, but that was the best sex I've ever had. She cried out in pain but I didn't feel bad or sorry for her then, I was too stuck in the moment to realize what I was doing was wrong. I feel so horrible that I did that to her.

That's the point, I shouldn't feel bad or guilty for anything. I'm a mafia king. I inflict pain and end peoples lives as a sport. I get whatever the fuck I want.

But father said I should be a gentleman, always. I wasn't one yesterday, I was a beast. I raped her. I've never done that. And to make matters worse, showing pleasure.

That's very unlike me.

I don't even touch ladies during our sessions but I went out of control. She was tight and warm and I liked it.

Loved it.

She's everything I've been craving.

I don't like this feeling so I keep working out to stop feeling this way. I don't remember the last time I felt guilty. I kill different kinds of people everyday, I'm mean to my whores everyday but this feels very different.

Fuck this. Fuck guilt. I can't be feeling this miserable. They'll get me. I can't let them get me.

I may have not known why I had her here before, but now I do.
**********

Two hours later.

I get ready for breakfast. I can't get last night off my mind. I feel pretty bad even though I'm trying to forget.

Last night, I nearly fell asleep right after. I woke up and panicked when I saw the door open and she wasn't next to me. She was right outside the room door. She fainted. Her grey tights covered in blood. I think I was too rough. I had to carry her bridal style to her room.

I look at myself in the mirror. Still can't get it off my mind. Fuck this. I walk out of my room to the dining. On my way to the dining, I stop on her door thinking if I should check on her but go straight ahead. I don't know what to say to her. I hate how nervous she's made me.

I get to the table and notice she isn't here. Maybe she wants to play games with me again. I walk upstairs to her room and open it very gently which is very unusual.