Kristin: Wish you were here

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Derek and Laura had left town yesterday. I still couldn’t believe that his family were gone or that he was gone. Peter was in long term care at the hospital, they said that he was in a comatose state and my grams wasn’t doing well either.
My grams refused to eat and spent all day and night in bed, half the time just staring at the ceiling and I didn’t know what to do or what to say to make her feel any better. There was nothing I could say to make the situation better.
“Grams please I’m sorry okay. I accept your apology please just say something!” I begged as I sat on the edge of her bed. She was staring up at the cream coloured ceiling again barely even blinking.
“You didn’t die in that fire grams. I know it’s horrible but do you really think they want you to stop living?”
My grams continued to ignore me as she focussed on the ceiling like it held all the answers. I wanted to shake her and scream and beg her to come back to me. I had already lost too much. I couldn’t lose my grams too.
“Please I’m begging you grams snap out of it.”
There was still no response. It was like she had packed up her bags and left her body which was nothing but an empty shell. The only time she left her bed was to use the bathroom. Mom just said that grams needed time to deal and then she would come back to us.
I hoped so.
Instead of sticking around I packed my overnight bag and headed to Dee’s. Dee and Cassie had a plan to cheer me up not that I was expecting it to work. First up was some Singstar on the PS2 followed by junk food followed by horror movies and makeovers.

“I’m so glad you decided to say.” I smiled at Derek. We were standing on the broken down bridge and staring down at the water. The sun was beaming down on us and we could see the small creatures frolicking in the water as well as the rocks which varied in size that sat at the bottom.
“Me too,” Derek put his arms around me and I buried my face into his chest. I wanted to stay like that forever. I could smell his cologne which smelt like the woods mixed with oranges and a hint of musk, and when it tangled with his personal body scent it was enough to drive a girl crazy.
It was very intoxicating.
“Promise me you won’t leave?” I asked as I looked up at him and he smiled down at me, keeping his arms wrapped around me. I always felt safe in his arms, and it wasn’t just because he was a werewolf and had sharp teeth and deadly claws.
“I promise.” He kissed my forehead but then he let go of me. I watched as his hands fell by his sides and his perfect green eyes became full of panic. I searched around us but nothing seemed out of place or wrong.
“What is it Derek?” I asked as the frown surfaced on his face although he didn’t answer me but just continued staring at me. “Derek?” I went to grab his hand but he jerked it away from me, “Derek what’s going on?” I was becoming desperate. I didn’t know what was happening.
“I’m gone.” He replied as he took a couple of steps backwards.
“What do you mean? You’re right here you’re not gone!” I stepped towards him which was when he turned his back on me and started to walk away. I still didn’t understand, none of it was making sense.
“Derek stop walking away from me!” I yelled after him although he disappeared right before my eyes, before I could even take a step he had vanished.
“I’m gone.” I heard his voice but I couldn’t see him anywhere.
“No you’re not!”
“He’s with me now.” I heard Tina and saw her leaning up against a tree and that’s when I chased after her although just like Derek, Tina and her stupid blonde hair and blue eyes disappeared.
“Derek?” I called desperately as I started walking through the woods in hopes that I would find him. I had to find him.
“I’m gone and it’s your fault.” I heard Derek’s voice. It was all around me, surrounding me.
“I’m sorry okay just come back, you promised you wouldn’t leave!” I stopped walking. There was nobody there but me, and I slumped to the ground as my eyes began to water and blurred my vision.
“It’s too late I’m gone.” I swear I could feel his lips against my ear as he whispered and the tears started to fall down my face as I hugged my knees to my chest. I couldn’t help but think that if I hadn’t broken up with him that he might have stayed with me,  instead of leaving me and Beacon Hills behind.
I felt someone shoving against my shoulders and I reluctantly opened my eyes to see two sets of brown eyes staring down at me. Cassie and Dee were leaning over my body with worried looks on their faces.
“Are you okay?” Dee asked. Her usually perfect blonde hair was messy and I couldn’t help but smile.
“Yeah did I wake you guys up?” I asked as I sat up and Dee and Cassie backed up a little to give me some breathing room.
“It’s no problem we’re more worried about you.” Dee replied and Cassie nodded in agreement.
“Did I say anything?”
“You kept yelling ‘you’re not gone’ over and over again. Was it about . . . Derek?” Dee hesitated before she said his name.
“Yeah it was, how lame am I?” I tried making a joke out of it although they didn’t buy it for a second.
“It’s okay to cry we’re not going to judge you.” Cassie grabbed my hand and squeezed it which is when I noticed her dark hair still looked flawless, there wasn’t a single hair out of place.
“Did you even sleep?” I asked Cassie and she looked at me confused.
“What do you mean?”
“You don’t have a single hair out of place.” I replied astonished. I didn’t have to look in a mirror to know my dark curly hair looked wild.
Both Dee and Cassie laughed before they sighed in relief, “I thought you were losing the plot for a second.” Cassie grinned.
“But enough of changing the subject, you’re allowed to cry so let it all out.” Dee demanded.
“I’m fine.” I lied and I knew it mustn’t have been very convincing because they looked at me like I was full of crap, but I didn’t want to cry because than it would make it real, and I was fine pretending he didn’t leave.
“Well you left me no choice.” Dee replied before she stood to her feet and grabbed a disk before putting it into her CD player. I didn’t see what it was but I knew it was going to be bad at least for me.
“What are you doing?” I asked as she pressed play and jumped on the end of double size mattress.
I instantly recognised the song. It was I miss you by Blink 182 and I went to jump out of the bed to stop the music but both Dee and Cassie blocked my escape attempt.
“I don’t need to cry okay can you just shut off the music?” I tried not to beg but I was becoming desperate as I tried to block out the music although it wasn’t working.

“I miss you miss you.”
“Hello there the angel from my nightmare,
The shadow in the background of the morgue,
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley,
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want.”

“Guys this is just silly okay.” I tried to break through their bodies but they wouldn’t budge, not even an inch. They were like an impenetrable wall of bodies and it wasn’t fair! They were torturing me.
“It’s not healthy to bottle it up okay or live in denial.” Dee spoke matter-of-factly.
“And what’s crying going to do to help?” I asked. It didn’t help when my parents separated, and it didn’t help when my grams betrayed me and then became catatonic. Derek was gone and I had the feeling that I was never going to see him again.
“Kristin stop holding them back!” Cassie demanded.
There was silence as they waited for me to stop holding back my tears which meant that I was forced to listen to the song.

“I miss you I miss you,
 I miss you I miss you.
Where are you and I'm so sorry,
I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight,
I need somebody and always.”

It wasn’t fair, I really loved Derek. I thought I had been in love before but it was nothing compared to what I had with him. I loved him and I lost him. I had let him walk away without a fight. I wanted to be selfish and tell him to stay, but how could I force him to stay in a place where he lost his family.
I felt the tears start to swell in my eyes and then I felt Dee and Cassie’s arms as they wrapped around me. “I hate you guys.” I spoke before the tears started to fall down my face, and then I felt my body start to shake as the sobs followed.
“No you don’t you love us.” I heard Dee reply as my sobs grew heavier. I hated crying it made me feel pathetic and weak but I couldn’t stop all I could think about was how Derek was the one that got away.
 
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