Internet Friends | Dan Howell x Reader

End the Pain

AGH.

I don't feel so good. I took a nap bc I was feeling blah and I still do, so hopefully food and a shower will help. I can't be sick again. I'm so tired of it. Pray for me children.

*WARNING* This story contains sensitive topics such as suicide, so please proceed with caution

Enjoy~

(y/n)'s POV

I took a warm breath of air, laying back in my bed. There was an ache in my chest, painful and prominent. It won't seem to go away. A sharp pain coursed through my lungs as I breathed, so i kept them small.

I want it to stop.

I want everything to stop.

Today was the day they were coming back. Time was running out to end it. It's only getting worse. Goosebumps rippled up over my skin and I checked the clock. 

I have to leave now.

I have to, but I don't want to.

It's too much pain.

I want it to stop.

I numbly pressed my feet on the floor, goosebumps still prickling my skin. I pulled on acceptable clothes, fabric setting itself on my burning skin. Burning, but heavy with lead veins.

I've tried to relieve the pain.

I've tried and failed and I'm still suffering.

I wanted so very desperately to claw at the strips of newly forming scar on my arm. I had never resorted to this before. Never.

I never even considered it until now.

I just want the pain to stop.

I hid myself under my jacket from the pelting rain, not wanting to breath it was so painful. This was a long time coming. It wasn't just him. It wasn't just the cheating. I've always felt this way, it's just uncontrollable now. I wish that goddamn car killed me. It should've and yet I lived.

I'm still here.

I'm still suffering. 

The airport wasn't very crowded, making me easier to spot. I can't run away now. I stood, empty-handed and awkward, resisting the urge to wince. Security eyed me suspiciously, but passed by me after deeming me harmless. My hands were clenched to relieve the pressure in the rest of my body.

2 stalky boys exited, glancing around for me. Phil spotted me first, waving to me. My hands unclenched and pain coursed through me as I dragged my hand up for a wave. Even my fake smile was laced with suffering.

"Oh my God, it's Dan and Phil!" I mocked, swallowing hard. Phil ran up to me, dropping his suitcase and picking me up in a tight hug. I let out a whimper and he set me down quickly.

"Woah, what's wrong?" he asked. I had gained Dan's attention as well, his eyes tearing me down second by second.

"Nothing, I just fell out of bed this morning. Little sore." I said, gripping the edge of my shirt. Dan noticed, but said nothing.

"Oh, sorry." he said, chuckling.

"You didn't know. It's fine." I said. I turned to Dan and he stood back awkwardly. "Hey." I struggled.

"Hey." he replied. His voice tore me apart too. I came near for a hug and he took me in gingerly. "How are you?" he asked, his body over heating mine. I was suffocating.

"Okay." I choked and he let go, my body tight to keep itself from shaking. "Let's go shall we?" I asked. They both nodded and I cursed myself for not keeping my cool. I walked in front of them, leading them to the car I had waiting.