Internet Friends | Dan Howell x Reader

He'll Never Know

Hi!

Follow me on Instagram (calymari) if you'd like to hear about my life and hear about updates with these stories. I'm trash so...

It'll be fun.

Enjoy!

(y/n)'s POV

"No! Peej!" I called after him, running into the living room. Dan and Phil looked up at me and PJ smirked from across the room.

"Couldn't get enough of me huh?" PJ said. Wow. I had no idea PJ could even do this. He's so nice. Dan looked over at PJ and they made eye contact.

"PJ, just don't." I said, sitting down next to Phil.

"Don't what? Be adorable? I can't stop hun." he said. I rolled my eyes and flashed him warning eyes. "Don't you want to sit next to good ol' papa Peej?" PJ asked and I choked on air. I forgot he called himself that.

"What?! No" I replied. I glanced over at Dan who was staring rather intensely at PJ. Was he jealous? No. That can't be. He's just overprotective. "PJ, help me with the popcorn." I demanded and he obliged.

"Don't Peej. Seriously. Not cool." I said. He nodded and we got popcorn.

"Sorry (y/n). I just get a little into these sort of things. I feel bad." PJ said.

"That's quite alright Peej. Just let me handle it in my own dumb ass ways." I said. He laughed and nodded. We took the popcorn into the room and I saw that Dan had shifted spots next to Phil. They were deep in conversation. Dan glanced over at me.

"Oh sorry. I took your spot." He said.

"That's alright." I replied. I took a seat next to him and PJ pressed play on the movie. I felt Dan fidget slightly and when he settled, his leg pressed against mine, from the hips to the knee. His body shifted and pushed against mine, causing my heart to speed up. I leaned forward, grabbing a handful of popcorn, even though we just ate breakfast. It was always popcorn. When I leaned back I noticed a presence behind me. I glanced over at Dan's arm resting on the back of the couch. I resisted the urge to snuggle into him and I felt my face heat up at the thought.

WHY DOES HE DO THIS TO ME?!

I looked over at PJ who was smirking at me. He made a kissy face at me and I suddenly felt really sick. I pictured Dan's arm around Cat and felt a wave of sickness rush over me. I almost felt like I was carsick. I frowned in pain and PJ looked over at me, his face changing to concern. I pictured them at Zoe's party, heading outside. To go home together. I felt another wave come over me and I felt the urge to throw up. The movie paused and everyone looked over at PJ.

"(y/n)? You alright?" PJ asked. Dan's arm retreated and he shifted to look at me.

"I-I-I think I'm going to take a nap. I feel sick." I said. I got up and rushed out of the room and heading up to my room. I passed my desk, where we had been standing last night. I felt sicker. It was better that we didn't kiss. I can't handle the thought of that right now, let alone kiss him. I shut myself in my room and gingerly laid back on my bed. I put my hands to my forehead and took a breath. It honestly felt like there was a thick fog in my lungs. I heard a soft knock and Phil peeked his head in my doorway.

"(y/n)? Can I come in?" he asked. I nodded and he came in cautiously. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"I-I don't know. It's just his arm...and she was there...and I just can't be there..." I stuttered. I silenced myself and looked up at Phil, hoping he could decipher some of it.

"So...I'm guessing his arm is Dan's arm, correct?" he asked. I nodded. "And I assume she is Cat." I nodded again. "You pictured her there and you felt yourself in her place." Phil said.

"Y-Yes. I just can't get the image of her on him out of my head." I said, another wave of sickness crashing over me.

"I know...she's really ruined things for you. I...I wish I could fix it." Phil said. I could see that he was holding something back from me, but I didn't know what. I decided not to press him for it.

"That's alright. I just have to get over it the best I can." I said. He nodded and offered me a hug. Phil was the best at those. I took it and I felt myself calm down already.

"You're a really tolerant person. Dan's a bit problematic." he said, laughing. I pulled away.

"I know. So am I." I said, a few tears dropping down my cheeks.

"You 2 are really fit for each other. I wouldn't be surprised if you did ever date." Phil said. I felt a few more tears fall.

"I would...but I can't. And it's all my fault. I just can't seem to get over her and even then I can't...I can't do anything about it." I said. I looked back at Phil and I saw his lip pinched in between his teeth.

"Phil? What do you know?" I asked.

"I-I can't say. I have your best interest in my mind. As much I want to say something, now I can't. I would just go badly and I don't want to see you hurt." he said. I nodded.

"That's okay. If it'll cause problems, I'd rather not know." I said. He nodded.

"So, are you okay to come back to the movie?" Phil asked. I nodded and cringed at the thought of facing the boys in my current state. I followed Phil down the stairs and we headed into the living room. Dan was sat there and he stood up when I came in.

"Are you oka--"

"Yes." I cut him off. I didn't want to hear that question anymore. I looked around. "Where's Peej?" I asked. I turned around to see him in the doorway. He caught my eyes and I immediately knew he heard. Before I could say anything, PJ tackled me in a bone crushing hug. The air in my lungs deflated and I gasped.

"Peej..." I choked.

"You poor soul..." he said. He let go and looked down at me.

"Poor soul?" I asked. "Okay poet Peej, I know I'm a sad case." I said, patting his arm.

"What's happening?" I glanced over at Dan and PJ just sighed.

"Oh nothing. Just got a little claustrophobic." I said. I seated myself on the floor, away from everyone to prove my point.

"You're claustrophobic?" Dan asked. This was true, but that wasn't the actual issue.

"Yeah, sometimes when I get to hot I start to freak out cause I feel like I'm trapped." I explained, actually relishing in the cool air, away from people.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Was I crowding you?" he asked. I looked up at him, his eyes large and naive. He'll never know, will he? I sighed.

"No, you weren't. I just got a little overheated." I said. His face dropped and he nodded.

Nope. 

He'll never know.

So why am I dreading the time that he actually will, when he won't? 

Hello.

WELP.

THAT WAS FRIGGIN DRAMATIC

Stay awesome!

~Calymari