Internet Friends | Dan Howell x Reader

Why Had I Gone And Done That?

HEY. I'M ACTUALLY DEAD. PINOF 9.

AAAAAAHHHHH.

PHIL'S ASS BOTTLE FLIP.

DAN IN THE CHEESE COSTUME.

DAN CALLING PHIL DAD.

PHIL'S LEG DAB.

HAVE MERCY ON US ALL.

Okay I'm done, but I'm just gripping my table at the thought of bloopers. Like, actually.

I hope you enjoy!

(y/n)'s POV

Dan had passed out with his cheek pressed to my side, hugging me, like a child would when begging for a toy or such. I looked down at him and ruffled his hair. I pried his arms off and placed a pillow under his head. It was nice that he was concerned about Cat, but I can't help but feel like it was all quite over exaggerated. I mean, he cares, sure, but he did go with Cat in the beginning. That was the beginning though. I draped a blanket over him and looked at him peacefully. I caught my bottom lip in between my teeth and bit down softly. I pushed his hair away from his face and sighed. The purple bruise was prominent on his soft cheek. I brushed against it gently before standing. I headed up the stairs, the soft creak of wood underneath the carpet. It was cool and peaceful, but completely dark. I rustled around slightly, shifting through my halls to find the bathroom.

I brushed my teeth and took off my make up which I had neglected to take off earlier. It was slightly smudged and I scrubbed it away. I shut off the light and shuffled over to my desk. I shuffled papers around in search of my phone which I had placed here earlier. I grasped it in my hand when I felt something grab me. I squeaked as the figure placed a sleepy head against the crook of my neck.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Dan said, squeezing me from behind. He was practically sleeping on my shoulder now.

"That's quite alright, I'm fine, head back to bed." I said, turning around in his arms. I expected him to let go, but he didn't, taking me in a hug. I rose to my tiptoes to compensate and hesitantly wrapped my arms around his shoulders. We stood there, hugging, for a good few minutes before he spoke.

"When she showed up, the only thing I could think about was where you were. If she had found you first." he whispered into my hair. He stood straight and my head slid down to his chest. I re-positioned my arms around his torso. One of his hands went to my back and the other to my head, pressing me closer. 

"She didn't." I said, my voice muffled by the thin material of his shirt. I felt so safe, but it felt wrong at the same time. Like I shouldn't be the one who he hugs. Like I shouldn't be the one who receives his attention. Like I shouldn't even be his friend. I don't deserve this.

He cares too damn much.

"But she could've and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if she did. I barely can now." he said. I felt sick. Nauseous. Dizzy. I don't deserve this. I felt a tear run down my face and soak into his shirt. He must have noticed the spot and his breath hitched.

"Love, what's wrong?" he asked. I stayed silent, not wanting him to view my shame. I've been vulnerable in front of him, but not like this. "Please." The words drifted out from his mouth and my heart stopped.

"I-I don't d-deserve this." I choked, squeezing him to keep him from looking at me. His hand pressed my head closer as comfort.

"Deserve what?" he asked. His voice was calm and smooth, but I could tell he was wavering.

"You." I whispered, a few more tears falling down my face. Here I was, making a fool of myself in front of him. And over what? Nothing.

"What?" he asked. I stayed silent. "What in the world makes you think that?" 

"You care too much. You could have been thinking of a million other things when she came here. So why did it have to be me? I don't matter that much." I said. Dan didn't say anything and I felt my heart ache.

"You're right." Dan said, pulling me away from him. It was pitch black, but I could see him perfectly fine. "You matter more." he said. His eyes gleamed against the slight light, surrounded my darkness. My eyes were glossy with tears and I wanted to peel my eyes away, break the eye contact.

"You're too good of a friend. I don't deserve that." I said.

"But you do. You deserve even more than I can ever give, you know that? You're the sole reason I am a better person. You give more than I ever will." Dan said. I looked away for a moment before shifting my eyes back to look at him.

"Thank you. You really don't give yourself enough credit. You're perfect." I said. I felt my face heat up, masked by the darkness, but prominent to me. I took his face in my hands and smiled up at him. "You deserve the world too." I said. I pulled up and pressed my lips to his cheek gently. I kept my head hovering next to his head, suddenly unable to pull away. I felt my stomach burn and I pulled away slowly only to place my forehead against his. I could hear his breaths against the silence, shaky. I smiled softly and brushed my thumb on his bruise. I felt myself lean forwards, involuntarily. Dan's hand flew up to my hands, removing them from his face, and I broke out of my trance, pulling away. His large hands swallowed my small ones and he held them to his chest. His face was twisted uncomfortably and I knew I had made a mistake.

"Goodnight Dan." I murmured, my voice cracking slightly. I slid my hands out of his and headed into my room. I shut the door and let another tear fall. Why had I gone and done that? I feel like such a fucking idiot for even considering it. It's impossible. I curled into a ball on my bed and hugged my pillow to my head. I heard my door open and soft footsteps on my floor. I didn't move.

"Goodnight (y/n)." he said. He pressed a kiss to my temple and I could feel my body burn. He turned and left, leaving me in silence. Why had I gone and done it? I felt my body let out a shudder. 

Why?

Wow that was an insanely edgy chapter.

Sorry, not sorry.

Love you!

Stay awesome!

~Calymari