Internet Friends | Dan Howell x Reader

Another Kitchen Utensil?

UGH! I hate my friend right now! Story time!

So, he has dated 2, yes 2, of my friends breaking up with them in not so great ways. Kind of douchy. He is too chicken to actually for real ask anyone out so with the first one she asked him out and the second one, people just saw them hanging out and asked them if they were dating. When he said yes even when they weren't, she just went with it and now I swear he is trying to do the same thing with ME. I am not going to take his shiz. Today we are walking to the bus like we always do and he asks me, "Can you hold something for me?" I thought he meant his math book or something so he had his hands free for a second so I held out my hands and he took one. He held my hand in the middle of my crowded school. Now groups of friends holding hand, but him?! NO! He is trying to make it seem like we are dating and hoping I go along with it. 

Hell no biotch!

There is no way that is happening.

Help me. I'm dying.

Sorry if this chapter is little edgy. I can't obviously fix it. I mean. Come on.

Enjoy.

(y/n)'s POV

"What? Dan got to watch you dance?! That's not fair!" Phil whined. We were sat on their couch for a "slumber party" and by that I mean we were all in cozy pajamas. I had coca-cola bear print, dan had plaid (how boring), and Phil had his terrifying emoji print pajama bottoms.

The were scary.

"Don't worry, the girls want to meet you too for some odd reason." I joked. Phil threw a pillow at my face, hitting me between the eyes.

"How dare you hit me in my glabella!" I gasped. Phil snorted and I threw a pillow back at him, hitting Dan by accident. I put my hand to my mouth to attempt to hide a snicker and Dan looked at me, offended.

"Oh it's on." Dan said. He launched himself at me, pillow in the air. I tried dodging to the side, the pillow smacking me in the butt.

"Ow! Hey that's my butt you ho!" I screamed. I grabbed a pillow and smacked him back. All three of us fought until Phil accepted defeat and I pinned Dan down, his pillow gone and mine above my head: ready to strike.

"No please, I'm unarmed! I call defeat!" Dan cried.

"That's all I needed to hear, peasant." I mocked and placed my pillow to the side. Suddenly, I was thrown off balance and Dan was on top, with the pillow.

"Just kidding."

"You wouldn't dare." I threatened. 

He inched closer, hands on either side of my face.

"Oh, I would." I stared at him for a second, our faces centimeters apart.

"Do-n't." I chocked out, trying to breathe. He backed off, slightly and I relaxed slightly.

"Well played. I accept defeat. For real." I said, chuckling. He stared at me for a moment and I could feel my stomach churn. Phil cleared his throat and I looked over at him, smirking at us. I looked and Dan had a leg on either side of my waist, nearly sitting on me. He was still hovering over me relatively close and he scrambled off of me rather quickly, a huge blush on his rounded cheeks.

"So...who wants to play a game?" I asked. I cleared my throat and stood up, sitting back down in my spot in the couch quickly.

"Yeah, that sound PERFECT" Phil said, looking at me. We made awkward eye contact and I shuddered. Phil could really stare into your soul sometimes. I feel like he's picking around my brain.

Yuck.

"What?" Dan asked. He sat down casually, as if it didn't happen. How does he do that?

"Spoopy sleepover games." I said, smirking.

"Cards against humanity?"

"Exactly."

"Film it?"

"Sure."

We had set up and after a few rounds of awkward and funny pairings, we were on the last round. It was my turn as judge. Dan and Phil put in their cards and a random one that we refered to as Rando.

He was fun to play with.

:)

"Having trouble with Mufasa's death scene? Try Hakuna Matata motherf*cker" I read. I laughed, slipping off the couch on to the floor. 

After I calmed down I read an odd one which was clearly Rando's then I read the next pair.

"Having trouble with your partner? Try--" I paused and read the card again.

"A Sex Week workshop on using spatulas in the bedroom?!" I read. Dan looked at me in horror and Phil snorted.

"Great, yet another kitchen utensil used for sex." Dan groaned.

"WHAT?! ANOTHER?!" I screamed, looking at him incredulously.

"WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?!" I continued. Phil laughed loudly and Dan buried his head in his hands. I looked between the boy and looked at the camera.

"What the heck is going on?" I asked.

"Th-he wh-hisk." Phil breathed.

"A whisk?!" I cringed and Dan cry-sighed.

"Can someone please explain this?" I asked, getting frustrated.

"Yeah, in a video with Tyler, Dan and him watched weird porn for a game or something. Search up and object and if there's a video then they get a point, but have to watch it." Phil said, scrunching his face in disgust.

"and a Whisk was on there?!" I asked. I cringed and shook off the heebie jeebies that were crawling up my back now. Dan had left leaving Phil and I to finish.

We managed to sign off and Phil went to work, editing. Dan made his way back over to the couch, embarrassed. He sat down awkwardly and looked at me. I didn't look up and continued to search through my phone.

There it was.

I hesitantly clicked on it and a breathy moan sounded throughout the flat. I covered my phone speaker quickly, silencing it. Dan just stared at me and I looked at him, cheeks red.

"What?! I had to watch it!" I defended myself.

I clicked play, this time on silent and looked at my screen. I screamed and winced.

"Oh that poor girl! No! Don't do that!" I clicked off to see Dan smirking at me.

"That is your own fault."

"It may be, but now I can taunt you with whisks." I said. Phil grimaced as did I and Dan laughed.

"You are an ass." Dan commented.

"I know. Right back at you."

Oh dear god this chapter was so frickin' cringy! It's terrible. I apologize thoroughly.

If you did enjoy, Thanks!

Stay awesome!

~Calymari