#9 - These Are The Lies

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'You know I love you... I really do. But I can't bare with this anymore. It's hard Kendall, I'm sorry but we should leave what we have. It's for our own good.'

Ordinary words hurt the most, and those words tortured Kendall like hell. They were his nightmare, they'd make every living second burn in his heart, he was not okay. A dream. A dream of living the life, putting up shows and singing his heart out; that dream, crashed and burned the hopes of being with his true love for the rest of his life. The scene wasn't exactly pretty.

Clearing his throat, Kendall looked down at his hands, brushing his knuckles against each other. His lips were shaking, his heart was about to jump out of his chest.

He picked up his guitar, trying his best to smile. An original smile. "Hey guys!" Nope. Fail. His voice had cracked, he had to clear his throat and start again. "Sorry about that." He let out a sad chuckle.

The pain in his eyes were so clear, clear to his fans. To one and every person who were in the arena supporting their hero. Little did they know, his life was no longer the same. He felt... Empty.

"Here's a background story for all of you. YN.. I know she didn't come and she is not present around uh.. Here. Um, hah.. Okay so I-" not being able to cope with his words, he looked down and rubbed his temples, it felt as though his soul was being ripped out. "YN. You all know what happened and you all know I am bummed out." Laughing sadly, he held onto his guitar as tight as possible. "It's not her fault, we never really get what we want in life and in order to keep some things we need to lose some others. I'm going to be honest... I'm not very happy with my choices but this is all I have for now, and a girl in my mind, who took my heart away with her. Enjoy."

The whole area went quiet. Some even shed some tears, some were surprised, some just felt sorry but all. ALL of them supported him.

Fixing up his microphone and bringing it closer to his lips, he began.

"I don't love you,

I don't need you.

I don't ever wanna see you again.

'Cause girl I moved on and things are perfect.

I'm okay with us just being friends.

'Cause I don't think about you every single night,

I'll be fine without you.

Can sleep tight when I'm not beside you, I'm moving on.

No, I don't cry about you, never seen tears in my eyes about you.

Gonna be fine if I die without you.

Baby, I'm gone.

These are the lies that I tell myself at night, these are the lies that are keeping me alive."

Losing the words of the song the young boy stood there, looking at the crowd. His head was spinning, he felt sick. He felt lonely, she was better off without a love which never supported her. He felt dead.

"I-I-I've got a new girl,

And she's my whole world.

And I don't care if you're not sleeping alone.

'Cause life is so good,

I'm doing so good.

Don't spend hours sitting here by the phone.

And these are the lies that I tell myself at night, these are the lies that are keeping me alive."

These words, they stayed guarded in the area, the melody left them, reaching the ears of the believers. He knew nothing, the love of his life was standing outside crying a river, holding her heart in her hands. Waiting for him to take it back and cherish it with his life. She was scared, she wasn't good enough and now he felt the same. Same emotions, different thoughts, different faces, broken hearts and unspoken words.

"Cause the truth is, I'm about to lose it.

Don't think I can do this if I'm not with you."

Pushing the microphone away with his hand, his fingers bleeding from pressing hard onto the new, edgy guitar strings. With every unseen drop of blood, his head felt a little lighter, his heart lost a second beat. Offering a little smile to the crowd, Kendall made his way towards backstage, Putting his responsibilities away. No last words were spoken. YN is all he needed, she was there but not close enough.

You know what happens when you lose your love? You blame yourself. You feel lost, you did it. You didn't put much effort and you lost it. He lost her.

YN saw the pain. She felt the pain. Oh no... The problem was not that he wasn't ever there. Kendall never knew what he had until he lost it. The ride of fame had given him many opportunities to meet many girls and some... He fell for. YN was his number one and he kept her around. He played her. He loved her; he didn't know it. She was so sick of forgiving him.

Amongst all these thoughts. He lost another thing that was precious and he'll never get it back. Those lies were not keeping him alive anymore. It was time to let go.

He lost himself.

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Because I am in love with this song. Also, did you cry? 😜

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