234's Lifelines

66. Guilt

I think a lot of you have forgotten. Lexis laughs while others cry so smiling, chuckling etc in sad situations might be weird for you but it's his normal. It doesn't mean he doesn't feel bad.

Song: Holding on and letting go - Ross Copperman

"William Blake once wrote; "There are things that are known and thing that are unknown, and in between, there are doors. - Lucas Scott One Tree Hill

***

Lexis loses his balance, his knees going weak as they step into the waiting room. Maeve hurriedly holds onto him.

"Alexander," She calls out holding him up. Eyes filled with pain and worry.

He lets out a heavy breath.

"I'm okay," Lexis says smiling without the smile reaching his eyes.

"You're not," Maeve replies.

He sneers.

"But she's okay," He replies.

Maeve lets out a heavy sigh exchanging looks with Zane as she remembers their conversation the previous night.

The eve of the court case.

"Alexander, are you really going to do this? Are you really bringing up your son?" Maeve asks Lexis who leans forward eyes shut and interlocks his fingers against his knees.

"I've been with you the past few days, apart from the day you learnt the news and cried you have yet to really grieve, you've been pushing away the emotions by not giving yourself space to think.," She says voice and face filled with worry.

Lexis stays quiet.

"Can you really blame her for his death?" Maeve asks.

"Grieving and thinking are two different things," Lexis says releasing his hands and leaning back as he opens his eyes.

"Yes, but it seems to me your lack of grieving is messing up your thought process and thinking," Maeve says. 

"Alexander, if you go ahead with this, you'll never forgive yourself," Maeve pleads.

"What if it pushes her further from you?"She asks frustrated by his silence. It was obvious what he planned to do and was doing was killing him and eating him up slowly so why keep doing it?

"It's a risk I have to take," He finally says.

"Why? I don't get why, if you want to slap her back to reality you can't tell her that in a setting that's private and not in court while trying to take away her daughter," Maeve says.

"Because Hera will never come to the realization that it's not her fault," He says getting up.

"I'm not following," She says following his movements with her eyes.

He lets out a heavy breath. Shutting his eyes as he runs his hands through his hair opening his eyes.

"If I just blamed her for his death without the other extremities of having her at the edge of losing Shakespeare, Hera will accept it,"

"She'll accept that it's her fault?" She asks with furrowed brows.

Lexis nods letting out another heavy breath as he leans against the chair.

"She'll forever be stuck in the grip of self blame. She needs to be at the brink of losing our daughter to realize losing our son was not her fault. She needs to be in that extremely strenuous situation to snap, get mad at me for blaming her and realize that it wasn't her fault, that the circumstances were beyond her control, to declare it and finally pass the stage she is stuck in," He explains as he'd explained to Jess when he asked for her help in winning the case.