DRIFTED |Harry Styles|

CHAPTER 32

What? He what? I must have heard him wrong. He couldn't love me. He had no reason to. He didn't even know what love is, he said so himself, so how could he say that if he wasn't even sure what he was feeling was, indeed, love?

He couldn't have chosen a worst time to profess his love for me, during that short spam of few months, I became the most messed up and damaged person I've never thought I'd become. I didn't understand why what happened, happened to me, or what I was doing with my life, how could I even be sure if what I felt for him was love?

Of course it is, you idiot.

My subconscious meddled, reminding me that if it wasn't love, I'd never feel the way I did when I was with him. My heart would jump into my throat, I felt a lingering burn that had yet to be extinguished, even after all that I've been through. I felt comfortable, safe, I felt like he was home, like he was a fluffy bed after an exhausting day, like he was water in a drought, like he was air after I've been under water for too long.

He was my lifeline and for the first time, I felt... loved.

Despite not truly believing his words, I felt them. I could feel them through his every action and word, I could feel them in the way he looked at me, in the way he touched me, in the way he embraced me, in the way he changed himself for me.

I admit that I never thought he would change so much when he said it, I thought that once a player, always a player, but not him. He was different. He was unique. And he was mine. I just wished he had chosen some other time to tell me those three little words, not when I was on the verge of a breakdown, barely getting through the days.

The only thing I was sure of was that I was definitely not ready to say them back to him. Not after experiencing what I did with Jack. He used that phrase with me and took advantage of me when I said it back.

Deep down I knew Harry wouldn't do the same, but I wasn't in my right place of mind and I was too afraid of losing him to change what we had, simply by saying those three words, which would, indeed, change everything. I was not sure yet if it was for the better or for the worse, but it wouldn't be the same.

Maybe, once I had reassured him that I felt the same, he would go back to his old ways and start to treat me as Jack did. I wasn't ready to lose my Harry, the Harry who changed for me and the Harry who meant more to me than myself. I would do anything for him, but saying 'I love you' back, was not on that list, at least not until I was sure he wasn't going anywhere.

"You know... You don't have to say back, right?" Harry snapped me out of my thoughts and I just looked at him, mesmerized by the man in front of me. "I-I... I..." He chuckled and smiled, grabbing my hands and pressing them against his chest, where I could feel his steady heartbeat.

"This ol' heart here will not stop beating for you if you don't say it back... I just thought you should know." He shrugged as if what he just said wasn't the greatest thing someone had ever said to me.

"Who are you and what did you do to my Harry?" I finally managed to say something after staring at him for too long. He laughed again, his dimples making an appearance and I felt like was falling for him all over again. I couldn't help the urge of bringing my fingers to his dimples, slowly tracing them and staring at those two, big emeralds.

I was finally aware and sure of my feelings for him. I loved him too and nothing would have made me happier than being able to tell him that, but I was too afraid and too selfish, thinking that once I said them, he would leave me, just like everyone else did.

"'My Harry...'" He contemplated, tasting the words as they left his cherry lips. "I like the way that sounds." His smile was so contagious, that I couldn't help but grin too. "I've never been happier to know that I belong to someone. To be honest with you, it scared the shit out of me when I realised how wrapped around your finger I am and I probably shouldn't have said that." He chuckled again.