Finding Grace: The Guardian Chronicles Book One

Chapter 22. Inner Turmoil*

Chapter 22. Some Devil by Dave Matthews

When my angel looked into my eyes and I saw the trust there, the demon inside me reared its ugly head, trying to make me do that which was ingrained in my being from the time of my creation. I fought against the animal urge to feast on this vibrant, warm, living woman. I overcame the beast and pushed it far down inside me. As Evan continued to look up at me, her eyes glazed over and closed. She had fallen asleep, or fainted. I was not sure which. She had a right to do either.

As Evan grew limp on my lap, I reached around her and initially was going to just lean her back onto the couch and let her sleep there. But when I put my arm around her, she reached around my neck and drew close to me. I carried her up to her bed and laid her out gently under the covers. She was so peaceful, so beautiful; I did not want to miss one moment with her. I had told her I wouldn't leave, although a voice in my head told me that I should run away fast, that it would be best for her.

I went down to my car, and pulled a change of clothes out of the trunk. I changed in my old room, folding my other clothes and putting them on the bed there.

When I was done, I went back in to watch Evan, feeling guilty for stealing such a private moment from her. I reached into the bathroom and switched on the light so that she could see me if she awoke. She was thrashing about on her bed, her aura swirling in a rainbow of color I could barely interpret. It seemed like a mix of fear and yearning. I could see her furrowed brow from where I stood. I crossed to Evan and put my hand on her forehead, a gesture of soothing that had come naturally all those years before, as a young physician. I remembered how my presence in her room had calmed her the night before. Her faced turned and nuzzled into my hand, unlike any reaction I had gotten from an ill patient. She instantly relaxed when I was near. Against my better judgment and testing my willpower, I went to the other side of the bed and stretched out next to her. I wanted to be close to her, but I did not want to cross any boundaries. With her body so close to me, her energy was causing electric shocks to run up and down the length of mine, similar to that of an electric storm. As soon as I propped my head on my hand, she turned and put an arm across me.

I didn't move for hours, unwilling to let my impulsive decision to lie so near to her disturb her sleep. As I realized she was most peaceful this way, I put my arm under her head and drew closer to her. She went into an even deeper slumber then. I did not blink. I just watched every subtle change of her face.

When Evan stirred after several hours, I remained still as she began to move against me. Her eyelids squeezed more tightly shut. Then as she started to stretch, her hand pushed off my chest. My cold flesh is unyielding, and surely she felt the difference. I did not breathe as her hand moved over my arm and then onto my chest. The sensations that flooded through me at her touch were foreign. I would say that if I had a beating heart, it would have started to pound. After her brief exploration of my body, her eyes popped open and stared into mine.

"Did you sleep well?" I asked softly, not wanting to frighten her.

Her next movements were nearly my undoing. Tears welled in her eyes and she tried to sit up. The movement of the blanket and her tears sent a flood of her scent over my senses and stirred the caged beast once again. I sprang from her bed to get as far as I could from the temptation.

"I'm so sorry. I did not mean anything. I was just watching you sleep. You are so peaceful when you sleep," I did not want her to think I had taken advantage. But I had. Then tears began to trickle down Evan's face, making me feel awful.

"Don't be sorry. I thought it all was a dream, but then I woke up and you were right here. I'm not crying because I'm mad. You are just so beautiful. It's hard for me to believe you are real." When she called me back to her side, I did not want to look too eager to be in her arms. I also didn't want to push her luck with my small vestige of control.