Finding Grace: The Guardian Chronicles Book One

Chapter 20. Innocence*

Chapter 20. Iridescent by Linkin Park

"A what?" I asked impatiently. After the torture of suffering through the scent of Evan's freshly spilled blood that greeted my arrival, I had been struggling with my hunger. Not only that, this human woman who so intrigued me had found some breadcrumbs that had been inadvertently left as to my true nature. As much as I wanted Evan to know what I really was, the trepidation I felt at her ultimate discovery had my nerves on end.

"A Vampire," she said, giving voice to the truth of my being.

Finally, she had said it, the buildup of the last few days' tension flowed from me and I was suddenly deflated. I did not know what I expected to happen when she said it, but the anticipation was far worse than the reality. My reaction to her calm statement of fact was anger. I released her and flopped back onto the opposite end of the couch.

"Are you going to say anything?" Evan asked anxiously.

"Is that your answer?" I asked flatly.

"Yes."

"Aren't you going to run? To scream? To try to stab me with a wooden stake?" I did not expect her calmness now; it threw my equilibrium. Surely this brilliant woman sitting across from me had enough sense to realize what danger she was in from me. Not that I ever intended to act on my urges.

"Why? You haven't hurt me yet. As a matter of fact, you've done the opposite."

"Why?! Because I am a monster. A human-killing fiend. Don't you have any sense?" I was angry that she did not react the way she was supposed to--in horror.

"Don't yell at me! You're the one who told me to say what I thought," she said angrily, leaning forward from where she sat.

I could not stand the angry acceptance in her eyes. I launched myself from the couch and went to the fireplace, staring into the flames. Why did I come here? Wasn't this what I wanted? Someone to know me for what I was and accept me.

"Emil?"

"What?" I snapped.

"I trust you. If you were going to...to kill me, you would have done it already."

"How do you know? Maybe this is just part of the seduction," I said sarcastically, disgusted by the easy way many of my kind seduced their quarry into submissiveness.

"Are you seducing me? Because it's not working that well. It seems more like a confessional. You are way too upset for this to be going the way you want," Evan said, oozing sarcasm.

Is she joking? Dear God in Heaven, is this my Hell? Can I not even do that which I was made for? I can't even frighten her. I was ruined. I had all but confessed my nature, and the woman who had deduced the truth was concerned about my 'feelings'. I put my arms on the mantle, and laid my head on them. I sagged with the pent up relief, anger and loneliness that had been plaguing me for so long.

Then Evan was beside me, and only for a moment did she just stand there. I felt her arm reach around my shoulders and then she laid a hand on my arm. My body tensed when the lure of her sweet hot blood swirled under my nose. I had not been touched gently since I was a human. I only let the thirst for her flare momentarily, then I allowed the tenderness I felt in her touch to soothe me. My fiancée had gone insane when I had tried to see her after my transformation and I had tried to hold her hand. Ana had only screamed and cowered away from me. My life had been devoid of kindness after my brother died, and he would not even shake my hand once he found out about my change. He had barely tolerated me. When Evan spoke, her words washed like a balm over my broken spirit.

"Emil, it's okay. I'm not angry with you. I am totally freaked out, because you aren't supposed to exist, but I am not angry." Evan was trying to comfort me, an Immortal abomination.

"You're not angry with me? Why not? Instead of having a hint of self-preservation, you are trying to comfort me! I am a monster! Don't you realize that? What you've said? Does it seem like a good idea to be this close to a killer? I almost killed you upstairs when you reached for me with your bloody hand!" I felt angry, surely she had an iota of fear, some idea of what I was capable of. I was shaking with the effort of remaining in control.

I soon realized she was not as in control as she acted. Her heart rate and breathing were still erratic. When she pulled on me, I did not want to move and let her see my face. She tried again, and I could not resist the warmth of her arms or her body any longer. I turned into her arms and stepped closer to her. I sensed her initial fear as her heart raced even faster and her breath caught, but then she relaxed a bit and put her arms around me. Evan acted as if she cared how I felt. Damn human emotions!

"It's okay. It's okay. Don't worry." She said, her heart beating even faster, if possible, as I put my arms around her. I could crush her if I wanted, but I moved with the utmost gentleness, careful of each contact point. I held tight to her, as her light hands moved up and down my spine, sending fluttering zings of electricity through me.

After a moment, she stepped away from me. Her hand grazed a trail of fire down my arm and then seared my hand as she grasped it. I followed her to the couch and sat down heavily. I did not know what to say anymore. After all these years of hiding, keeping my true identity from those around me, avoiding the reality of what I was, I felt exposed, and unsure of how to proceed. I looked at her again, to gauge her response to me. She was sitting silently next to me, still holding my left hand in both of hers, her gaze intent but not judgmental.

I wanted her to speak, to tell me what she was thinking. "Do you want to ask me anything? Don't you want to know more about how I came to be?" I asked her, willing to be an open book for her. "You can ask me anything. I will tell you whatever you want to know."