No More Goody Two Shoes [Emo Love Story]

No More Goody Two Shoes [Emo Love Story] 29

Chapter Twenty-Nine

"What snapped?" Chase whispered as he pushed me into my room. 

"My thoughts," I whispered and pulled him closer to me. "I didn't know I was so desprate for attention. But that's what happens when you're fed attention your whole life and all of the sudden it's gone," I kissed his soft neck, he didn't twitch or giggle which was my goal.

"You always get my full attention," he whispered back and let me kiss his neck more. "Are you happy again? Please, please be happy. That's all I need, that's all I want."

"It's my birthday," I murmured against his collarbone. "And it's late at night," I added.

"What?" He pushed me away. "You just were being fucking depressed for the past month, and now you snapped out of it just like that, and you want sex?!" he hissed at me. 

"Well... Yes." I mumbled. 

"I don't even know what to think right now," he said. I reached out to him for a hug, but he pushed my arms down. 

"What did you want to happen? Did you want me to be depressed forever?" I put my fingers into air quotes as I said depressed. 

"Did you fake depression?" He asked with narrow, disgusted eyes.

"No, I didn't. I merely found out why I was feeling that way." I crossed my arms loosely around my chest. He closed his eyes and rubbed his face.

"Let's just sleep, tomorrow everything will be better." He pulled back my blankets and motioned me to lay down. I pulled off my pants and shirt, Chase looked away from me. I laid down on my bed, looking up at him. He pushed the blankets over me without looking. 

"Am I really that bad to look at?" I still hadn't seen myself, but I found feel each rib pushing through my skin. I could feel my clothes being more baggy. I was fading away, but was I ugly?

He didn't answer, simply kissed my forehead and left the room. I laid still as I started to cry. Hours passed before the tears finally ran out. I laid there, eyes still open, looking at my room. I stood up carefully, looking at my legs. Toothpicks. I went into my bathroom, shutting the door and looking at the full length mirror behind it.

I was skin and bones. Not quite as skinny as I had thought, not as bad as I had thought. Why wouldn't he look at me then? 

I put on an old pair of pajamas, and quietly made my way across the short hall to Chase's room. I didn't hear any breathing, I didn't hear anything. I felt his bed, it was cold. He wasn't in here. I flicked on the lights, and everything was exactly the same. 

A hand tugged on my arm, "what're you doing, baby?" Chase whispered from behind me. 

And the tears came again. I buried my face into his chest and he rubbed my back. "I'm sorry," I whispered. 

"Come lay with me," he whispered in my ear, pulling me towards his bed. I had thought he might have gone out with Levi, but he didn't smell like drugs, or cigarettes. He had a cup of water in the hand that wasn't touching me. He set it down on the nightstand beside his bed, letting me lay next to the wall where he normally is. It felt warm here. 

He kissed my forehead, then my nose, and then finally my lips. "Please stop crying," he kissed under my eyes. 

"I don't understand," I whispered. "I don't know why you didn't look at me."

"Is this why you're upset?" He ran his fingers through my hair. 

"Yes," I grumbled.

"It's hard to see you this way. Your body is struggling to live, your killing yourself." He whispered. 

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. 

"Shh," he kissed my lips softly, "Sammy," he murmured against my skin, "I love you so much, and I care about you more than I care about myself. I want you to be happy, I want you to live, I want you to be healthy. What you are now, you're none of those things. It's tearing me apart." 

I took his hand and ran his fingers over my ribs, down to my hips which were pointing out, looking like they'd break my skin. "Please," I whispered when he tried to pull his hand away. 

"I don't want to feel you like this, Samantha. This isn't you," he pulled his hand away and this time I let him. I took his hand back and put it on my face. 

"Is this me?" I whispered. He nodded slightly. I leaned forward and kissed his lips. 

"Go to sleep, Sammy."

"Chase," I whispered after about five minutes of silence to see if he was still awake.

"Yes?" 

"I love you, too."