In Touch - L.T 1D

Chapter Forty Seven

Chapter Forty Seven

"Good morning," Liam announces cheerfully as he joins Niall, Harry and myself in the kitchen.

A collection of 'morning's and 'hi's circulate the room as we all sit in silence, eating our breakfast. Well, Harry and Niall are eating breakfast, I'm just staring into the now cold liquid that is my tea. Honestly, I'm not that hungry, ever since last night, I've been a bit off I guess.

The moment Liam told me that Louis has gone to a club to meet girls, I felt my heart shatter into millions of tiny pieces on the ground. Just imagine, you're standing on top of a three story building with a glass in your hand. Suddenly, you get told something that you don't want to hear and you drop the glass over the edge and it goes zooming down, down, down until it smashes onto the floor into millions of tiny sharp crystals.

That is exactly how my heart felt at that moment. And the worst thing was, when I tried to act as if I was okay with it, it felt like I was walking on those tiny, sharp pieces of glass. They stuck in my feet and I couldn't get them out. The more I walked, the more it hurt. The more I tried to remove them, the deeper they got.

And it was only a matter of time before they cut deep enough to do damage.

"How you feeling today Mimi?"

I look up and see Liam standing on the other side of the counter, a cup of tea in his hands. I send him a small, weak smile before looking back down at my tea, just wanting to slip away from this hell that I call my reality.

I know, that seems a bit harsh but that is what I'm feeling right now. All because I got a certain memory back last night that makes my hunch my shoulder in fear. Whenever I relieve or think about that memory, I feel like someone has wound their hand up my spine and is slowly tightening clamps around my lungs.

All I remember is a dark room but the worst thing is, I would be happier if I could see. I couldn't see a single things but I sure as hell could feel every thing that was going on around me. And that's what terrified me the most. The sensation of pain and fear while not being able to see my surroundings.

I could feel the cold, tight metal around my ankles and wrists. I could feel the cold air as it rushed over my bare skin. I could feel the sharp, crumbling concrete as it digs into my knees. I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks in waves. But most of all, I could feel the pain that was being inflicted upon my body.

I could feel every punch against my head. Every kick into my stomach. Every slap on my face. I could feel the wet towel as it slapped against my bare back, a huge crack sounding at the action. I could hear the voice as it yelled and called me accusing words, telling me that I wasn't good enough for this world and that I should die.

"Mimi? Love, why are you crying?"

I snap my head up to see all three boys staring at me, tears rolling down my cheeks. God, why did I have to start crying? Out of all the things, I had to start crying in front of the boys. I shouldn't be crying in front of people. It's a sign of weakness. That's what my mum taught me.

Out of everything my mum taught me, after all the abusing and the verbal abuse, the only thing I learnt that is truly valuable is that it is weak to cry in front of people. It shows people that you're breaking inside and you can't let that happen. That only allows people to find your weaknesses and use them to break you even more. 

But then again, I hate not being able to cry in front of people. My favourite quote that I found one day, a long time ago, has always been what I consider my motto.

You hate when people see you cry because you want to be that strong girl. At the same time, though, you hate how nobody notices how torn apart and broken you are.

That's how I've always felt. I hate crying in front of people because I want to be strong but I hate how nobody ever notices how much I'm drowning. How much I'm being ripped apart. That makes it worse, to be honest, it just makes it ten times worse.

"It's...it's nothing," I whisper before slowly getting off the stool and grabbing my crutches.

"Love, come on. Don't go, please."

"I just want to be alone," I say before walking out of the room.

But being on my own is worse then being in a room where they all ask questions. When I'm alone, the demons in my brain always find a way to make themselves known. They creep out of the darkness and the cracks, soaking up all sunlight until I'm left with nothing but sad, depressing, scary thoughts that make me wonder why I'm still here. Why I'm still alive.

I know that I shouldn't be thinking that but I do and I hate it because I can't stop it. I can't be with someone all the time. I need to have alone time, even though alone time is what causes the most pain. It's terrible actually, that being alone is what makes you wish you could end it all.

As I reach the top of the stairs, I stop in my tracks when I see Louis' door slightly open. Quietly, I walk down the hall, my eyes instantly going to the open door when I walk past. What I see makes the tears rolling down my cheeks come ten times faster.

It makes my whole body go numb. It causes the crystals in my feet to dig so far in that the damage is done and can't be reversed. It causes me to let out a muffled sob at the sight in front of me.

Louis, kissing another girl.

........................

LOUIS YOU FREAKING DOUCH BAG IDIOT JERK PERSON! HOW CAN YOU BE SO STUPID AND SO BLIND? I DON'T COMPREHEND!

Well this chapter is up quite early, considering that I am a very busy person.

Okay, quick meaningless authors note because I'm off to have dinner now.

QOTC: How are you feeling right now with Louis acting like that?

ILYSM!

SWAG ON!

~ TJ xoxoxoxo