Endlessly (Harry Styles)

Chapter 62

  *Harry Styles*

Do you know how awful it is to wake up with the most beautiful girl in the world sleeping your arms feeling unfamiliar? Waking up next to Hazel before all this shit went down was the most blissful thing ever, but now, as if it has been too long, or as if the feelings between changed, her warmth wasn't the same, her body didn't feel the same, she wasn't the same, or maybe was it us that weren't the same?

I don't know and I hated it.

I gazed at her peaceful face, her long dark hair sprawled over the white cushion. She was wearing a big baggy shirt and I couldn't help but think she would look better in mine. Her skin looked smooth and soft under the pale morning light and I gently caressed it with the tip of my fingers, careful not to wake her. Her cheekbone was perfect, the curve of her plump lips relaxed. The freckles on her nose and her cheeks were more apparent on her makeup-free face.

I couldn't help the small smirk that took over my face when she scrunched her nose a bit, making a whiny sound before burying her head more into the pillow― my arm. She looked so adorable I couldn't help my heart swelling with my love for her. God did I love her, but I was so scared. So fucking terrified.

I looked at her stomach, thoughtful. There was a little baby growing in her stomach. Would it look like me, or her, or a mix of both? Would it be a boy, a girl? Would it be a little girl with blonde hair and green eyes, with dimples in her smile and small freckles covering her nose, with a laugh just like her mum? Or a little boy with brown hair and hazel eyes, with a tiny button nose crunching every times he's disgusted, with a large smile like me? What's his or her name going to be?

How would I be as a father? I liked kids, and I knew I wanted some, but not now... This was a terrible moment for both me and her, and I don't want her to drop everything to take care of the baby when I can't. I knew that to be able to take care of both her and the child, I would need to drop One Direction, and that wouldn't be fair for the lads. No matter what others tell us, that we could Tour with a baby, I knew it wouldn't be possible, and the other possibility was one I never even want to think about, which is continue to Tour, but that would mean leaving Hazel and him behind.

I don't want to watch my son or my daughter grow up without being there to seen them, and I don't want Hazel to raise them alone. It's just not right. But I don't want to let go of my childhood, my youth. Let's face it, I would need to be an adult from there on, but I didn't feel ready to do so.

However, Hazel was right on many points. I couldn't make her abort the baby, not just because she didn't want to but because I didn't want her to. And I knew that giving the baby away wasn't an option. I sighed heavily and looked at Hazel's sleeping expression.

I was going to have to suck it up and I was going to have to accept it because I'm not giving Hazel away at any price, not even my fame and my career. She passed before. And I was going to pass the rest of my life proving it to her.

I pressed my lips to her hair in a tender kiss, inhaling her beautiful scent. Hazel moved a bit, curling a bit further in my embrace as she sighed contentedly. I rested my chin on the top of her head and held her close.

"We're going to get through this, Angel. Me, you, and that tiny little thing growing up in your belly. We've had some rough patches, but in the end I'm sure we'll get out of this even closer and stronger. Just know that I'm not giving up on us, and I'm not giving up on you. This is just a small bump on a very long road together. One day, you'll be Hazel Styles, I promise. It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? You know what else will have a nice ring to it? You."

I heard a small chuckle coming from her mouth and I knew she was awake. I let my smile grow even wider as she whispered. Even though I was sort of embarrassed that she heard my rant, every single word was true.

"You're too cheesy, it's cute."
"You're cute." I replied, my grin growing even wider. "I'm sorry for everything that went down, and you're right. Asking you to abort him is out of the question. We're going to get through this like we always do, Angel."
"And how is that?"
"Together. I love you, and even though it took me some time, I'm sure I'll love him too."
"Her."
"Her?"
"The baby. I'm pretty sure it's a she."
"Then I'm sure I'll love her just as much as I love you."
"Promise?"
"I promise. I'll be a King, you'll be my Queen and she'll be our princess."
Hazel looked at me, her eyes shining with happiness. "I'd love that. That sounds pretty fucking great."
"What about that? We get a kitty or a puppy to play with her. They'll be like best friends!" I said, starting to feel excited for this. "I would probably prefer a cat, cause I'm a cat person, but I know you like dogs better, but I guess we could have both?" I started rambling before Hazel put her small hands on my mouth, shutting it close.

I smiled and licked her hands, making her squeal.

"Harold!"
"Hazel!"
"You're an idiot."
"I love you."
"I love you too, Harry."

She laid her head back on my chest, and somehow, everything was right again. Everything felt right, as if all of the pieces were back together. I knew that we still had a long way before mending completely our relationship, but this was a big step and I was relieved that we took it. We were on the path to get better and everything didn't seem as hopeless as they were last night when we went to bed and I felt the relief coming crashing in my bones and my soul, relaxing me slightly.

"What should we call her?" Hazel whispered.
"I like Darcy." I giggled lightly. "Or Marie, or Hannah."
"That's cute." I heard the smile in her voice. "What about Sophie and Catherine?"
"That sounds nice..." I trailed a bit. "What do you think of Chanel?"

I felt Hazel tense up a bit in my arms and I frowned. Was it something that I said?

"Angel?"
"Chanel..." She whispered. "That's a perfect name, I think."
"Then it'll be our Chanel." I pecked her hair, massaging lightly her shoulders to reduce the tension that suddenly got in her body, I didn't like it one bit. She finally relaxed again and I sighed in relief. "Harry, Hazel and Chanel Styles, the most beautiful family in the entire world."

I heard her giggle a bit before the silence took over our bedroom. My thumb was slowly tracing drawing on her skin, her breath was
fanning against the bare skin of my chest. I missed all of this. I placed another small kiss on her forehead and then on her nose, making her giggle softly.

She stopped and looked at me, her eyes wide and hopeful. "Are you really happy about this, or are you just acting this up to make me happy?"
"I... I'm not going to lie, Hazel, I'm fucking terrified about what's waiting for us. But I know we can make it through. I love you, you love me, we love that baby, and we'll make it through as a family. So no, I'm not acting, but I really do want to make you happy. Okay?"
"Okay." She smiled. "God, I missed you."
"I missed you too, Angel."

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"Harry!"
"Hazel!"
"I said no!"
"And I said yes! Please, Angel, for me?"
"Ugh, Harry, I love you, I really do, but this is too much. Don't you trust us?"
"I do trust you guys, but I don't trust the paps, and honestly I don't really trust the fans either. Why can't I come?"
"Cause it's an afternoon between me and your sister."
"And why aren't I invited to it?"
"Cause it's a girl thing."
"Then at least bring a bodyguard, I don't want you roaming alone."
"I'm not going to bring a bodyguard, and I'm not alone, I'm going to be with Gemma."
"Hazel, please. For my peace of mind."
"No."
"Angel."
"No."
"Please? With a cherry on top."
"Nope!"
I groaned and pouted. "Fine, but text me to keep me updated."
"Ha! Love you, see you later." She kissed my cheek and left the house, getting in the waiting car outside with Gemma.

I shook my head and sighed.

"Women."

Even though I said that with humor, I couldn't shake the weird and bad feeling seizing my stomach. Last week with Hazel has just been so perfect. We didn't fight on anything except our normal playful banter, we were in our house, safe, sheltered. Now I saw her leave our house, and I couldn't help but think that something would go wrong.

I busied myself by scrolling through twitter, answering a couple of fans, posting a picture that I took of Hazel this morning, and couldn't help but laugh at the trend #HAZYISSAFE that started a few minutes after that. I even invited Niall over to play Fifa with me, even though things were a bit tensed between us. He came half an hour later with some beers and junk food.
"Seriously Ni?" I chuckled. "You going to eat that by yourself?"
"Of course not. You'll help me."

It was nice to just chill with him after everything that went down. At first I was a bit pissed that Niall always took Hazel's side, but now I'm just glad she always has someone to protect her even when I'm an ass.

"So how are you and Hazel?" Niall asked.
"We're good, better." I smiled. "I still have a terrible feeling about all of this, and I'm on my toes, as if I'm waiting for the next catastrophe to just hit us right in the head and destroy both of us."
"Relax, mate. Hazel isn't going anywhere soon, don't worry about that."

We played a couple of rounds, him always beating me.

Niall laughed at me. "Seriously though, you got bad at this."
I threw the controller. "Yeah, well I had other preoccupations than practicing my Fifa skills, in all honesty."
"I know, sorry, mate."

My phone rang at that moment and I answered with a smile, seeing Hazel's caller ID.

"Hey Angel, how is everything going?"
"Harry, oh my God! You need to come now!"
"Gemma? What are you doing with Hazel's phone?"
"Just come!"
"Where are you?"