It's Not My Fault.

31

As we got on the jet I realised one thing. We never had our talk. You know the whole reason we had lunch. Dad sat down and put his belt on. I thought it's now or never. So I cleared my throat. "So have you really changed?" I could tell the question shocked him. He sighed. "Look I feel the best way for me to explain to you my change is to start from the beginning." He started. "It would help a lot." I said half joking-half seriously. So he did. He explained what happened when mom had been pronounced dead. The urges he had when he collapsed round Steves. That he found the DNA letter. He told me he went to the doctors and had his DNA tested against mine. Which came back negative. Meaning he's not my biological father. He even showed me three copy's of three different hospitals which had the tests done. He explained everything. Every time him hitting me was mentioned he cringed and the biggest look of regret was on his face. He apologies at least four times before carrying on. He then carried on and told me he had hired three different guys to 'do the job' but cancelled because he couldn't bare the thought of loosing me too. And I do believe him. Call me naive -I know I can get naive I just hated been told- or what ever. The finale guy who done it was him. He was drunk. He told me that he woke up in his bedroom with a bloody knife. Which he threw in the trash with a bundle of clothes and sheets. After cleaning it of course. He said if he could turn back time. To the time where I was 6 again. Then he would. The reason he didn't turn up at the hospital was because he had gone to try get help. He was in the middle of withdrawal when he saw me again. The moments where a drunk is weakest. Then when he saw Jenielle. That's when he knew he was dwelling too much on her death. He thought he wouldn't be able to get over her but he has now. And when I ran from him which is the finale time he got so scared. He told me he went round Caitlin's and saw her in tears. Her mom and dad weren't home and she actually collapsed into his arms. He had to carry her to her room and waited till her mom and dad came home.

He told me everything. From that sad moment in the hospital till right now. By the time he had finished we had landed back in Nevada. I sat in the seat and processed every single individual word. How he said. What faces were pulled as he said. All I heard was hurt and regret in his voice when it involved me hurt. He explained how proud he was when he found the letter from OSU. His face showed every emotion possible. Happy. Sad. Angry. Regret. Sorrow. Then just before we got up to get off the jet he asked me one last question.

"Will you forgive me?" Did I? Would I? Is it possible for me to forgive someone who treated me like the bottom of his shoe? Someone who tried to kill me? Someone who never let a child grieve for her dead mother? But that someone was my daddy. The one who bought me up. The one who gave me clothes on my back. Food in my stomach. A roof over my head. A home. What he did. Yes it was disgusting. No one should ever have to go through it. How I'm sane I really don't know. But he never gave up on me. Unless you call him up on him almost killing me. That's different. But I don't like to hold grudges. I would never forgive him if I didn't see the truth in his eyes or didn't hear it in his voice. He would have had to take a lot to admit his faults. But he did. And isn't that all that matters? Right?
I must have been in my world of thought for a while because dad sighed. A sad empty sigh. "I see..." He trailed off. He unlocked the car and got in. I got in and pulled him into a hug. Surprising both him and me. "I forgive you daddy." I whispered. He gave me a thankful smile and gave me a kiss on my forehead. "Let's get home. I will send someone to collect your things from Caitlin's house." I nodded and put my belt on.

-- The next morning. --

I woke up to the sound of dads voice. "Chyna! Breakfast." Everything from the previous day flooded back to me. Me and Dylan made up. Everything's mended between us. Well I can forgive but I will never forget. But I can sure as hell push it to the back of my mind. I checked my phone and saw I had a text from an unknown number, two fromCaitlin and another from Xavier.