We can only learn to love by loving

Part 43

Mel's Pov

Having panic attacks were something that I was familiar with. I was 16 when I had my first panic attack, although there was nothing significant that triggered this, they came quite frequent when I found myself feeling overwhelmed or worried.

This time though, I couldn't pinpoint it to being caused by one specific thing. I was already feeling overwhelmed from the last time I was in a club setting, seeing someone openly hit on Leah in front of me, and the overall lack of fresh air in the club could have caused this one to occur. Usually, I had them under control and was able to calm myself down before blacking out. The shortness of breath this time however seemed to starve my oxygen of brain, causing me to pass out.

I was only unconscious for a couple of seconds, but by the fear on my friend's faces, it seemed to them that I was out much longer. What I was sure of though, was the strong pair of arms which were wrapped around my body, propping me up slightly, belonged to my Leah.

Tilting my head up slightly, I was met by Leah's electric blue eyes, which desperately searched my own.

"Le, I'm okay" I croaked out as I shifted in her arms.

"Drink some of this please" she gestured, handing me a bottle of water as she allowed me to sit up on my own.

The rest of the girls moved away from crowding round me; I think this was an attempt to not overwhelm me. Leah however did not move from my side; I could feel her eyes burning into my side profile as she searched for any signs of the panic attack reoccurring.

"Can we go home please Le" I questioned; my body still frail.

"Course we can" she whispered, placing a soft peck to the side of my head as she helped me back up to my feet.

The rest of the girls were understanding, offering smiles as we left the booth to head out to the uber awaiting our arrival. The car journey home was silent, Leah's fingers were tracing reassuring patterns up and down my arm as she held me tight against her body.

Exhaustion clung to every fiber of my being, my limbs heavy and movements sluggish. Arriving home, I fumbled with my keys, the metallic jingle sounding unusually loud in the silence of the night. The door creaked open, and I stepped into the comforting hush of my home. The subdued lighting revealed a space that felt worlds away from the lively chaos I had immersed myself in just hours before. My senses dulled, I shuffled through the familiar rooms, shedding the remnants of the night's revelry – the vibrant outfit, the clinking jewellery, and the mask of euphoria. The cool linoleum of the kitchen floor met the soles of my tired feet as I poured a glass of water, the sound a gentle melody in the stillness.

Leah followed behind silently, mirror my actions as she poured her own glass of water before we both made our way to bed.
In the dim glow of the bedroom, I stood before the mirror, catching a glimpse of my worn reflection. The vibrant makeup now smudged, the tousled hair falling in disarray – a testament to the night's adventures. I sighed, a mixture of contentment and weariness washing over me.

The softness of my bed beckoned like a siren's song, promising respite from the sensory overload. With a final, weary glance around the room, I surrendered to the embrace of the inviting sheets. The cool cotton cradled me as I sank into the mattress, my body releasing the tension it had carried throughout the night, my head immediately found it's place on Leah's chest as her hand cradled the side of my cheek, holding me close against her as I hummed in contentment. It didn't take me long to drift off into a deep sleep.

Leah's Pov

The realization settled like a heavy fog, thick and suffocating as I watched from a short distance as Mel's body collapsed to the floor. It was a profound sense of regret, an emotion that wrapped around the heart with a grip that tightened with each passing moment. The weight of not having noticed her silent plea for help bore down, casting a shadow over the once oblivious consciousness.

In retrospect, the signs seemed glaringly obvious, like scattered pieces of a puzzle that, when assembled, revealed a picture of distress. The distant gaze, the subtle tremor in their voice, or the way their shoulders slumped with the invisible burden. How could I have been so selfish, I knew tonight was going to be tough on her, I silently promised myself to remain by her side this evening, to ensure she was okay at all times. A promise I broken, not only to myself but to Mel.

The sense of relief that washed over me when she gained consciousness and reassured me that she was okay was overwhelming, but I have never felt so low. I should have been there.

I held her tighter than usual that night in bed, wanting to provide the sense of safety to her that I failed to do earlier. My mind casting back over the night to recognise anything significant which may have been a trigger. I knew Mel wouldn't blame me, but it didn't stop me from blaming myself. The guilt pained my heart, my mind was in overdrive as I desperately thought of how I could make it up to my girl.

Mel's Pov

Blinking away the remnants of dreams, I became aware of the gradual transformation occurring around me. The room, bathed in a soft, golden glow, revealed its details – the gentle sway of curtains, the forgotten items on the bedside table, and the familiar contours of the space that cradled my nightly repose.

With each passing moment, the sun climbed higher, casting aside the last remnants of darkness. The warmth embraced me like a gentle reassurance, a reminder that today is a new day. The emptiness of the mattress next to me was unusual. Leah always slept in later than me, more often than not I had to bribe her out of her slumber. The lack of the blonde presence beside me allowed my curiosity to get the better of me. Leaving the bed unmade, I headed downstairs in hope of finding Leah.

My heart skipped a beat as I entered the hallway heading towards the kitchen, I could see through into the kitchen where I was met with the best morning sight. Leah was stood with her back facing away from me as her hips swayed slightly to the light music playing from the radio in the background. I stood in awe in the door frame as I watched on, Leah unaware of my presence as she hummed along gently to the soft background music.

"Ahem" I coughed after a short while, instantly being met by Leah's beaming smile as she headed into my direction, her arms lifting me into her embrace as she placed loving kisses to the top of my head.

"Morning baby" she muttered, her arms still tightly wrapped around my shoulders. "I've made breakfast" she grinned as I pulled away, my eyes now locked on hers.

"Thanks Le" I smiled, "what's all this for?" I questioned, making my way to the table Leah was still setting, before grabbing myself a piece of toast from the plate lay out in front of me.

"I just wanted to make up for last night" her features softened as she took the chair opposite me.

"Le you have nothing to –"

"I know you're gonna say I have nothing to be sorry for. But I do. I knew last night was going to be hard for you, and I should never have left your side. I'm sorry"

"Le it wasn't your fault, and there's nothing you could have done to prevent it. They just happen sometimes. Thank you for breakfast though, I really appreciate it."

Leah smiled at me as she continued eating the food on her own plate.

Once we had both finished our breakfasts we remained sat at the table engaging in conversation.

"What would you like to do today?" I questioned as I began clearing the plates away.

"Leave them, ill sort out the dishes. You need to go get ready, I have another surprise for you." Leah giggled as she edged me out of the kitchen. "You have an hour, and you need to pack an overnight bag"