First Time

86

Emily

There are no words to describe the humiliation. Hearing your private thoughts, your most intimate moments, your deepest secrets read out loud in front of a crowd. All eyes on me, insults hurling at me. Kitty flicks through every page, bringing my words to life in the most condescending way. Time seems to stand still as I endure the laughter and mockery from the people around me. I am the joke of the night.

"Emily, please...don't listen to this. Just come with me and I will explain everything," I hear Aiden say faintly over the all the heckling and hooting.

Shame washes over me. I have never felt smaller. Never more embarrassed.

I don't know where to look. I can't seem to move a muscle. Tears spill from my eyes. I wish I could disappear or be swallowed up by the earth.

"Ok, shh, quiet everyone," Kitty shouts over the taunting crowd before she continues, "The thing is whilst Emily here was thinking this was some kind of high school love story, the whole time Aiden was playing her!"

"Kitty, shut the fuck up!" Aiden growls at her.

Unfazed, Kitty carries on, "It's a funny story really. It all started with Emily's new bestie over there, Nicole. She made a bet with the boys in their year to take Emily's virginity because apparently, Emily is a frigid bitch. So, then Nicole told us about it and then Aiden here, well he volunteered to do it for fun! The plan was that Nicole would befriend Emily and bring her into the group and then Aiden would swoop in and show us how it easy it would be for him to pop that little cherry. Isn't that right Aiden?"

My blood runs cold with shock. I look at Aiden, eyes and mouth wide. He doesn't say anything. He just shakes his head but the guilt on his face shatters my heart to a million little pieces.

It was too good to be true. I should have known. Everything we did, everything he said, all that I thought we had. It was all lies.

I pry my eyes away from Aiden and turn to Kitty as she speaks again.

"The whole time she was walking around like she's better than us because she's been in Aiden's bed when in fact, we all have been laughing at her behind her back," Kitty speaks with a sinister cackle, "She thought she was so special when in reality, how many of us girls in this room have had the same experience with Aiden?"

Kitty and a sea full of girls raise their hands.

"See Emily, you are not special at all," she says snidely, her eyes narrowed to a slit, "Listen, I know you thought I was the enemy but I'm the only one in this whole group who cared enough to tell Aiden he was wrong for this and tried to get him to stop. He was going to keep this charade going for as long as possible and make you a laughingstock. Seeing as I'm a girl's girl, I could not watch him do it to you any longer. So yeah, thank me later for this, ok bitch?"

She then hurls my journal into the crowd where a bunch of teenagers swoop in on it.

My heart feels broken beyond repair. I have never felt more hurt and betrayed in my life. Betrayed by someone I thought was my friend and someone I thought truly loved me.

This is what I get for being foolish and naïve. This is my punishment from God.

Aiden reaches for my hand, but his touch is like an electric jolt and my hand instantly flinches away. My breaths are short and laboured as I take a couple of steps back, hands clasped over my mouth.

"Emily, can we talk about this, please," he walks towards me.

The sight of him coming towards me genuinely terrifies me. I look behind me for somewhere to run but instead I'm more horrified to see Aiden's friends coming towards me.

Adrenaline rushes over me. I feel cornered like helpless prey as they suddenly surround me, chanting my name. I have to decide now.

Fight or flight.