First Time

45

Emily

My Christmas spirit has flown away like the cold breath that is leaving my mouth on this dark, early, freezing winter morning. I don't know what is gloomier, the opaque grey sky or my grumpy mood.

I trudge through sloshy sludge, dragging my bags to the car, mud splashing my wellies. Once my bags are in, I jump in the back and wait for my parents. They faff around for another half an hour before everyone and everything is in the car and we are ready to go.

"Right, ok, let's do this!" dad says enthusiastically putting the address in the satnav.

"Did you bring your gifts Em?" mum asks.

"Yep," I answer glumly.

Mum turns to look at me from the passenger seat.

"Are you alright?" she asks with concern.

"Mmmhmm," I lie.

She gives me a look of doubt but turns around anyway.

"I suppose it's quite early," she yawns, taking a sip from her herbal tea.

"We'll stop halfway for breakfast somewhere," dad says, taking the car out of the drive.

Mum turns the heating up and the warm air somewhat comforts me.

We drive a few miles in silence and once we get on the motorway, mum speaks again.

"Are you excited to see your grandparents and your old friends again Em?"

"Yes."

I'm really not in a talking mood right now. I was really hoping to catch some sleep the whole ride there, but my mum seems to have other plans for me.

She starts asking a barrage of questions about what presents I'm hoping to get, who I can't wait to see again and what me and Gwen have planned for New Year's.

Eventually, she talks herself into a slumber and the car is filled with welcomed silence.

Dad puts on some classic Christmas songs on the radio, and I lean against the door window and close my eyes. I am just about to slip into the abyss when the vibrating of my phone jolts me awake.

It's a text from Aiden.

Enjoy ur hols with ur fam. Miss u 😘

The words touch and sting me at the same time. I see dad watching me through the rear-view mirror, so I fake a smile and put the phone away.

I must have fallen asleep after that because the next time I open my eyes, it's because the car is slowing to a stop. Dad parks it in a services car park and wakes mum up.

We go into a large shopping centre there where we use the loo, stop for breakfast and a hot drink at a café and accompany mum around for some last-minute gift shopping.

Finally, we are back on the road with mum driving the second leg of the journey.

As the day brightens, the sleep leaves my eyes. Dad is the only one snoring away now. Mum happily sings along to the carols as the familiar busy roads and white town houses of London come into view.

It feels like a different world after the last crazy four months in Watford. I feel like a stranger in the city that had been my home for most of my life.

Mum catches my eye in the rear-view mirror, and she beams at me.

"Happy to be back?"

I deceptively smile and nod in return.