Devils Angel

34. Over but not forever

'The past is just the past. You don't have to relive those events anymore. Just let it be.'

That is what many people would say right? Over and over again when you can't get over something that have just happened. People would just say 'it's in the past now, just focus into the present or the future'. No matter what would happen, people would say to forget about the past, it's over and done with. This is it also true, with them just saying that, isn't that also in the past? The last word you read, was that also in the past? The last letter you wrote or the last sentence you read, was that not also in the past? Even reading this, the last word you read, wasn't that also in the past?

You see, no one can truly clarify what is that of the past, what that is in the present and what's that of the future. To be honest with you, the present is nothing but a thin line. It's the things that we are saying right now, the words we produce and the things we are doing now, that are the present. The past is what has already happened, what we have already done; it is something in which we cannot relive again, that last second before. And the future is what we are going to do next, the next movement, the next action, the next word; this is something in which we may not know. We think that we know everything, but what is there to know about if what we already know is a part of the past?

You would think you know how this story would end and you may understand the characters; but what do you truly know? Human beings live their lives in the past. Whenever we wanted to remember something, we search through the past in order to find that something; it's a humanly thing that we know.

Of course, just like a human is to look into the past, it is also our choice to relive a certain dream, a point in time in which can cause us pain, or pleasure. People say to get over your past, but the past is something we live for, something that keeps us going. You say, 'stop dwelling in the past and look at the future,' but no one knows what the future may hold, no one knows what is going to happen next or what is going on; that is why we live in the past, so we can understand what had happened and overcome things in the future.

You see, it's that thing in which we say 'take one step back to move two steps forward'.  The future is unknown to us, unspeakable, unlivable. This is why many people would choose to live in the past, so they won't be afraid of what there is that lay for us in the future. But the past is not the only thing we can relive; dreams are places that we're in which can relive a separate life for us. When we sleep, we dream and when we dream, we dream of a world where things are not what it appears to be. Every dream is a different story, for each story, there is a purpose. There is a reason of us being there, living that moment, captive by the problem and solve the solution in order to proceed with the story.

However, the story must come to an end, and this is where I will say my goodbyes. You see, this was just a dream, now that would have been a good twist, wouldn't it? But no, the end is here, there is nothing but just a bad end, in which I lost everything. They won, I lost and that's it, no more. A dream in which I would relive in the past, nine months of suffering, nine months of not knowing, nine months without them. You see, not all stories have happy endings, life is unfair and it is only natural if we die with some regrets, some things we wish we would have done, some things that we couldn't say before. So this is how I am ending my story, with just that.

Are you still reading? Are you hoping that there would be something besides what I have just said? Why won't you accept the things that I have said, that there is nothing here?