The Dragon Bond: Heirs of Lyra

Chapter 84

Once to her room, Finnian kissed her goodnight, departing reluctantly. She closed the doors behind her, locking them. She wanted to be alone. If that meant dressing herself for the night, that was fine. 

She stood there, unable to move. Her body was numb with regret and disgust. In the past she had manipulated men with her flirtations. But what happened with Finnian; that was no manipulation, it was panic. She had been desperate to distract him. 

The thought of Finnian taking Shade from her was enough to crush her very soul. Life without her guardian was unimaginable. These feelings she carried for Shade were strong and confusing. Why did she need him so much? 

Unable to suppress it any longer, she released the sobs she had been holding in. When her legs felt as if they might give out from under her, she took a seat at the desk. Her body shook with emotion, her hands trembling. She could not imagine being alone with Finnian on their wedding night. Couldn't imagine the trauma she would have after. 

It didn't matter what he looked like, Finnian wasn't who she wanted. She wanted Shade, even if she could never have him. At least, not in the way she wanted. When she thought of a true companion, someone she wanted around long-term, it was always Shade. 

Was it better to have Shade in her life even if he couldn't touch her? Or would it be easier to cut him loose, and let Finnian take him away? Initially, the pain of his absence would be too much, but maybe she would adapt? Perhaps in time she could live without him. 

For now, all she wanted was to be held by her guardian. She needed his warmth, his protection, like she needed air to breathe. Knowing he was upset with her only made matters worse. After all, he was forced to witness her kiss another man. Forced to stand back and watch as Finnian held her close, his hands roaming her body. Elysia only hoped Shade knew it was for his own good. For their good. She didn't need her fiance questioning Shade's presence. Not when Shade meant so much to her.

She tried to muffle the sounds of her crying, tried choking back her sobs. 

Two days. That's all she had left. Two days and she would be married. She would be Finnian's property, bound to him legally. 

"Princess," Shade's voice stopped her heart and she hurried to compose herself, wiping the tears from her face. She hiccuped from the effort of steadying her breaths.

She couldn't look at him. Not after what she did. Not when she knew he had been forced to watch. 

"Go away, Shade," she sniffed, wiping her eyes once more, furious with herself for not being able to stop the tears. 

"Elysia--" the raw emotion in his voice only tore her heart further in half. 

"You shouldn't be in my room," anger was the only replacement she could find for her tears. It was unfair of her to turn it onto him, but he was the only one around. He was strong enough to take it. 

He reached out, his fingertips brushing her arm. She swatted his hand away, suddenly furious. "Don't touch me Shade! This is your fault! I wouldn't have kissed him, I wouldn't have done it if you would have just listened to me!"

It was clear the guilt was already eating away at him. He should have been silent and out of the way. If he had listened, if he had pushed his feelings aside, neither of them would be hurting so much.

"I never meant to hurt you," he said. 

"He was going to get rid of you, Shade. Do you understand that? He was going to find a way to get you out of my life. I couldn't have that. I couldn't marry him and lose you. I couldn't..." her words were cut short by more tears.