1st january
kenzie louise
black.
that's all i can.
i remember squeezing my eyes shut so hard from the pain in my chest and the pain in my head that i fully saw colours
then it was black
just black, that's all i could see
-
when i woke up i was in a familiar place, i've seen it before i'm sure
i was laying down in the back of a taxi, i wish i knew why, or where i was
i sat up faster than i shouldve, only making my head spin 10 times more, my first view was a man i've never seen before
"you're awake" he spoke
"where am i?" my voice cracked as i rubbed my head from the pain i was in
"i'm taking you to the hotel"
"hotel?"
i couldn't even remember where home was, who was there, if my dad would let me home, i don't see why he wouldn't but there's a worry there
"yes, you passed out" he kees his eyes on the road at all times
"i-i know...was there a man that called? that helped me in? blonde, tall?" i asked hoping for an answer and that he didn't just drag me in here himself
"um, yeah, yeah there was, ross, i think his name was" the dark man said awkwardly
"where did he go? did he say anything" i fire questions at him
"i don't know what i should tell you, he called me when he was carrying you out the club, i could hear men shouting for you to come back, he was slurring so i'm taking he was wasted too, he was crying and looked like he had fire in his eyes, he payed me and gave me your address, he sat you up in the car with some water" i look at the water on the floor at my feet "and you fell asleep, you were awake when he put you in, he kissed your cheek whilst crying that he loved you, he then walked off down the street, god knows where too"
my brain was hurting, the last thing i remember was him kissing another girl when we were counting down to midnight, the sweaty people and shouting crowd was too much and i just wanted to get to ross to feel that safety again
"he just left?" i ask
the mad nodded
i felt empty "d-do you know if he had my phone or anything?"
"oh, yeah, i have it here, he left it on your lap but he soon put it on the front seat" he said as he grabbed it and passed it back to me
i squint my eyes at the bright screen
1:28am
i don't know how it is this late, but i'm ready to go home, i don't want to speak to ross at all right now, i'm not ready for that
i pulled my phone out, even though i didn't want to message him, i still care and i still want to know if he is safe and where he is
kenzie - where are you?
ross - at the hotel, i'm done hurting you kenz, when you get back i can't promise you i'll be there
i loved him, i did, i want to talk it out with him before anything else happens
kenzie - just meet me at the room, i want to talk to you
ross - okay
as soon as i turn my phone off again i look up at the window and here i am, i thank the man as i step out of the car, i'm wobbly for sure
when i get back to the room ross is sat there, his head in his hands sat on the end of the bed, i hate too see him this way but he knows he messed up
when the door shuts behind me he looks up, the guilt in his eyes only makes me feel worse, he rushes up to me and pulls me into an embrace, i cant hug him back, my arms are squashed down by my side and i'm struggling to breathe a little
"ross" i mumble as i try to get him off of me but he doesn't budge
"ross" i repeat, and this time he moves, he keeps his arms on my shoulders but stops hugging me, i have tears in my eyes
"kenz im so sorry" he cries
a part of me wants to forgive him, but another part of me knows that it's happened a lot of time, we fight a lot, and i know fights can sometimes be healthy but there's a limit, you have to set yourself a limit
"i love you kenzie, and only you, it'll always only be you because i simply can't love anyone else"
i cry at just those words because i'm hurting, he's said them before
"i don't know ross"
he lets the tears flow "i was drunk"
"that cant be an excuse my love" i said with guilt
"i know, you're right, i just want to take it back" he says
i sit on the bed, walking away from him, i take my shoes off slowly and i know he's watching every move
"i want to forgive you, but you have to accept that i will need time"
"i'm going to give you that kenzie, when we go home, just know i'll be waiting for you okay? i'll forver be in love with you"
and that's when i realised it'll really ever only be him, i wont ever feel this way for another guy, even though he's put me through hell, i'm willing to do it again
i look up at him with sorrow in my eyes
"it'll only ever be you darling"
that's a promise
-
a/n
it's done
what do we think?
sorry it's short, i kinda just wanted to get it over and done with so i coudl focus more on my new book coming out
thank you for the support
- katie
