september 2014
kenzie louise
i went to sleep paranoid, not only because of college, but ross too.
did i do something?
it honestly felt like all my walls were slowly going to close down again, this feeling i get when i know the worse is yet to come, the feeling that no matter how hard i try, it's not good enough.
and i hate it.
i was awake at 4:30am, laying there staring at the ceiling, i checked my phone immediately for ross but he wasn't there this time.
he had hung up.
which is okay, don't get me wrong, but he never leaves me like that, incase i have a dream, incase i was upset, he was always there until i would end it in the mornings
but this time he wasn't, and it was strange.
~
after a few hours of trying to get myself to sleep it was around 8:45am and i was dragging myself up and out of bed
i took myself to the bathroom and showered, listening to r5s new song; i want u bad.
i soon got out and brushed my teeth along with my hair before leaving it down to air dry
i changed into some black mom jeans along with a white hoodie, my glasses and finally my white high tops
i applied some very natural makeup that consisted of mainly filling my eyebrows in and my eyelashes before straightening my hair and leaving it down
after i was finally ready it was around 9:50am, my class started at 11, but i had to be there at reception for 10:30 to meet my group that i would have for my lessons
first i had english, which wasn't the worst, it was full of extra studies that i didn't really need but i had to take it in order to get into this college anyway
second was music, it was theory though so it was mainly writing and learning techniques
after break we had a free period for an hour so i'm not even sure on what i was planning to do in that free hour
i don't know anybody there, although i've spent years alone in high school i think i should be okay, my only worry and issue is that i spent my summer with people, all the time there was someone there and now it's like i've been left.
my family were still asleep when i opened my blinds and got my school bag on my shoulder, i took my phone of charge and got excited when i thought of ross or anyone messaging me, but now.
there were none.
i shrugged it off and ignored it, trying it brush everything, all my worries, my problems, all of it...off my shoulder so i could maybe try enjoy this day today
i made my way downstairs and to the kitchen, i pondered around looking in the fridge but there was really no food
so i left the house hungry.
i got into my dirty red truck slamming the door a little too hard from behind me; a habit
i turned my music on full blast without even hesitating and made my way to college.
