24th december
22:40pm
ross lynch
miscarriages.
i don't think i've ever experienced this feeling before.
the feeling of shame, disappointment, confusion, guilt, all at once.
it was like everything i was seeing right in front of me, was in slow motion, i couldn't process it.
pain.
that's all i could feel, but i'm not even sure if it was pain, i was numb.
seeing her collapsed in rikers arms, falling slowly onto the snowy ground, my dad rushing in along with everyone gathering around, rydel pulling me out even though i wanted to rush in and grab her all at once i knew i couldn't.
stay away - that's all i've been told to do.
flashes.
the lights from the ambulances rushing towards our house, the snow falling down faster than i last remembered, parking up and piling out of the van and out to her, my love.
seeing her being dragged up and onto the bed and rolled up onto the van, it was like i couldn't move
"ross go!" rydel and ryland wedge me out of the crowd and shove me towards her
i turn back to them, i'm not even sure what's happening, my face feels wet, am i crying?
i cant hear a single thing.
they nod towards me and edge me towards her, i turn back around to face the van, two men on both sides of the door leaning out the door waiting for me
i run towards the door and into the van grabbing the sides and pulling myself in
the free seat next to kenzie i sit on as the doors slam shut, leaving only me in the back with her, asleep on the bed with an oxygen mask over her face - the only way she was getting air.
~
the journey there felt like forever.
and i was getting more and more upset throughout, i didn't have the patience for this.
i just want her to be safe.
holding her hand on the way here, and i was empty, she may not even be gone, she won't be, i won't let it happen.
"mckenzie louise, 18 year old, internal bleeding from the stomach, miscarriage we have been told" i heard someone shout from the noise of the shells running and rattling along the cold hospital floor
her being rushed into two double doors as they fly back into me, i push past and try my hardest to fight and get up closer to her - but i cant.
"your going to have to wait out here" someone comes up to me and hold me back by my chest
i try looking over his shoulder to see where she went but i couldn't
"p-please" i rasp out not even realising my voice had completely gone at this point
"im sorry sir, your have to wait out here until she's stable enough" he shakes his head
