I Will Die As The Villainess √

82: The End Of Hope And Despair

"And here I thought you died." He sarcastically said without turning his head to see her but it was seen through his complexion that he was relieved—that his turbulent and overwhelming emotions faded.

For some reason that he hasn't thought of, and won't possibly discover for he fears he will find something truly inexplicable, the thought of losing her made him vulnerable.

He wonders how he's hesitating to look at her. Was it because once he'll peek at her, he would be convinced? That he likes her?

"Ah, Turn around."

She spoke in a voice he couldn't resist ignoring. Tilting his head, he saw her and somehow, regretted it.

Perhaps he should've followed his instinct?

The relief that brought him to ease created such impact that he felt he was betrayed by himself.

Staring at her orbs that turned to a normal shade of red, he drops the sword. That wasn't the only thing that made him surprise. Her burned hands that continue to turn into dust, with red particles accompanying it, made the colors in his eye vanish— she was fading. The soul that he came to like is currently withering, abandoning him...

"D-don't kill her yet..." Kyoko spoke as she stares at her shaking and fading fingers. Slowly, she tries to stand only to lost a footing. She stares at her faded foot and boots before deciding to sit in a comfortable position. "Waste your time with me," she spoke without faltering. "I think I figure it out."

He walks towards her, forgetting his goals as if he was enchanted suddenly. He then remembered his last question.

"I beg you to lower your head, I'll whisper it. Even though I'm someone you just meet, I hope you reconsider my last desire. It's a burden, chaining you with my pathetic wish— but, it's for the best anyways."

Her voice was confident but her words were uncertain. He sat next to her and tilted his ear near her lips. Words flowed to his head and he was amazed yet shock.

"Are you sure? It's a bit... Impossible..."

"Indeed, that's because I can only understand it. We're quite alike no?" She whispered and he remained silent. "Then, if there's nothing left to say—take my mana and fulfill my pathetic wish."

His heart told him to stop and don't do it but he feigns ignorant and continued to fastly eliminate her from this cursed fantasy world. The mana was the reason she hasn't departed to the place she yearned, it was the thing that kept her soul in that world. The fight that she won against the goddess drained the mana the goddess herself bestowed and now, her soul was fading because of it.

If she had chosen to give it to him, then she would have left—but she stayed.

As the magic circle flickered and the villain chanted the spell, her face turns melancholic and her eyes glowed one last time.

Perhaps it was true? That as you die, your consciousness will realize something. The summary of your life?

Why didn't I kill myself the moment I came here? Now that I'm finally dying... Ha.. What sort of question is that?

People live to save themselves. Did I live to somehow save myself? From what? Death? Why would I save myself from death? I don't understand.

Maybe I did have hope. Maybe I did. But it was hidden to protect myself emotionally. Knowing how I end, knowing how the laws work, I think it's best to act as if I didn't care about my life? Because if I cared, I don't think I will survive. I'd kill myself. If I expected something, even a tiny bit, I'll probably use that to self-sabotage myself, leading me to kill me. If I hoped to live in happiness, the horrors of realizing that that will never happen will destroy me. In other words, I use death as a comfort.