Viper |Compete|

Chapter 51

Taking a deep breath, Killen squeezes my hand. "To start with I owe you a huge apology for everything I put you through, and for the things I did, the drinking, the drugs, me forcing myself onto you when I came home off my face, you didn't deserve any of that Luna, and I am so, so sorry."

"I know. You've told me every day for the last four weeks in all your cards attached to the flowers." I squeeze his hand and give him a small smile.

"I just needed you to hear it from me face to face so you know that I mean it, because I do. I'm sorry that when we came here everything turned to crap, I want to blame it on Farah but really I can't, it's on me, I allowed myself to get wrapped up in the baby so much that I stopped spending time with you and talking to you. What you said to me on the day you left, that I'd turned into Farah, you were right, we'd stopped talking, we weren't spending time together, we were having sex but that was about it, I wasn't giving you the attention you deserve, and I'm sorry I became that person. Luna all I ever wanted to do was to show you how much I love you and to give you the life you deserve with a loving family and friends, and a safe place to be, a roof over your head, to keep you protected from the bad things in the world, I wanted to take you away from the life that wasn't good enough, but all I did was make things worse, and if I could take it all back I would."

"Killy you did give me all of that." I assure him.

"If I could do everything over again, I would have driven to Vegas with you the first night I came home wasted and I would have married you that day, and I would have come home and got us a house, and a family car, and we could have created our own little family. I fucked everything up, I was so used to having you around, and having you support me, and stand by my side that I took you for granted and I had no right to do that, you deserve someone who gives you his full attention, who loves you, and supports you, and always puts you first, and I wasn't that, the way I treated you...." he hangs his head. "I'm ashamed, and I'm embarrassed."

"Hey, Killy." I place my hand under his chin, raising it gently. "Your being a little hard on yourself, we were going through so much, you were going through so much."

"This is what I mean, your so good Luna, your so kind and loving and accepting. I will never understand what I did right to have you walk into my life that night on the beach in Mexico, because I don't deserve you, your way to good for me."

"Don't say that." I frown "No one is perfect Killen, you made some mistakes, but your not a bad person."

"Can I ask you something?" He asks suddenly.

"Of course."

"Why have you stuck by me all of this time? With everything I put you through, the baby, the drugs, I forced myself onto you, and yet you were there for me, you came to the jail, you supported me, you fought for me, and your still here now looking after me. Why?"

"Because I love you." I tell him truthfully. "Because while the things you did hurt me, I still love you Killen, and I have always loved you, and I will always love you."

"Even though I don't deserve you? I mean don't you feel like your settling?"

"Settling? Killen I'm not settling, I love you." I place my hand on his cheek. "Things got really fucked up for us, but that doesn't change the fact I love you. Yes I wish you didn't forget my birthday, and I wish we didn't lose our way, and I wish Farah was never around, and I wish you didn't do drugs, and I wish you didn't force yourself on me that night, but wishing it didn't happen doesn't make it go away, all we can do is admit our faults and move on from it. You've proven to me you are the same Killen I fell in love with, the moment I left was like a wake up call for you, and you sorted yourself out right away, and then you were thrown in jail, and then the hospital, I mean I almost lost you." I say softly. "And I wouldn't know what to do if I lost you, you are everything to me Killen, shitty boyfriend or not due to what you were going through, you are the only person I want to be with, and you always will be."