Aaron's asked me go to bingo with him tonight — bloody bingo, can you believe it? Still, I suppose it's better than being dragged to Zumba!
* * *
Never going to bingo with him again. It was ten times worse than Zumba, at least there I can try and hide in the back.
"'Scuse me, 'scuse me, one fat lady comin' frew," Aaron shouted at the top of his voice when we were going to the toilets.
No chance of hiding with his gob, I knew I shouldn't have let him drink those vodka slushies. And I didn't even win a single penny.
Baby shower today. Meeting of the mother's later. Wish me luck.
* * *
You didn't wish me luck did ya?
Baby shower. What a fucking disaster.
I didn't need to go to local village hall.
I didn't need to be surrounded by blue confetti and streamers and balloons.
Why does a kid who isn't even born yet want a party in their name and what use is a bouncy castle?
I could've done without a game of guess the chocolate, who wants to sniff a dirty nappy?
And like, who's idea is to have a game of predict the weight?
"Ooh look at her, she's massive," my auntie said, while putting her hands on my stomach, "he'll be eight, nine pounds at least!"
Cheeky bitch! She was much fatter than I was.
And I should've known that my mum and sister would get absolutely wasted on champagne, but why did they have to get Will's mother involved? They barely knew her.
The baby shower was supposed to be for me, but why were they all drinking and singing karaoke? They wouldn't even have noticed if I was there of not.
In fact, they didn't notice me leave. I called Will and got him to meet me, shouldn't of done it, but I did. And he was really bloody drunk!
"I thought you said it was girls only, why's Aaron there? He's not a girl!"
"That's different. Just don't argue, I'm tired and fat. I'm fat and tired and I can't be bothered with this shit anymore."
And right then I really was done with everything and everyone.
We walked the rest of the way to my flat in silence. I didn't invite him in, but he followed anyway. He took a beer from the fridge and sat down.
I sat next to him on the sofa, "I didn't want this either, you know. I wish I could've walked out like you did."
"I told you that was a mistake."
"No, this was a mistake. Everything was a mistake. Us, this," I pointed to my stomach. "This wasn't in my plans. I didn't want to get fat for someone who hates me. And you know, I think what if he looks like you, I mean he's going to isn't he, what if I don't love him because of that?"
"I never hated you. I hated the situation — I hated me. I suggested the friends with benefits because I saw you as an easy lay — I mean you put out on the first date!"
Hadn't he done the same?
"And you were willing every time."
Talk about kicking a girl while she's down.
"I've only ever been with two people, not half the town like you." As if I was justifying myself to him. "You slept with me on the first date too. I was drunk and it was a mistake and now look where I am. Everyday I wish I could take that mistake back, but I can't."
"That's what I'm trying to say. I was an idiot, I've always been an idiot when it comes to women. I always fuck on a first date and then I never see them again, I should've done that with you, but I didn't because I . . . well, I don't know. I mean, I do know. It's easier for me to say that you were easy, I can't just come out and say I liked you, can I?"
Why? Wouldn't that just make more sense? It would save everyone a lot of trouble.
"I only ever had one girlfriend, and I loved her, until she slept with her best mate. 'You don't need to worry about him,' she'd said, 'he's not into girls.' It was all a load of lies."
"Well, my best friend genuinely isn't into girls, so like, I wouldn't have done that."
"After that, I just kind of went off the rails a bit, ya know. I used to get wasted all the time, a Wednesday afternoon was just as good as a Saturday night — I lost my license, drink driving — lost my job, slept around a lot, I just thought fuck it, I've got nothing else left to lose! You think I wanted to work for my dad at Sofa King? You really think I wanted to be driving around in a ten-year-old Ford KA?"
"I don't know, the truth is, I don't even know you, not really. But I think it's kinda sad that you went through that, that you let it affect you so much. I've been cheated on and it's shit. I've had so many bad dates — one guy even fell asleep on me in the bedroom, that shit's beyond embarrassing and the other guy had a photo of his ex on his bedside table — but I still want to fall in love with someone."
Will took a swig of his beer.
"That's what I'm saying, it was different with you. I wanted to do more than just have sex with you and it scared me. I used to come here and sometimes we didn't even have sex and I didn't even care, we would just sit and watch the TV and I liked it. I went to Zante and didn't even pull one bird, I gave up my 'top shagger' crown for you."
I couldn't help but laugh at that.
"It was weird. I wasn't mentally prepared for falling in love with some girl I went on a blind date with set up by my mate."
"How do you think I felt? I could've killed my sister for letting me go out with you. As if she though you were my type. And yeah, it's weird, my sister knows me better than I know myself."
"I know I shouldn't have ran away when you told me you were pregnant, but I was just getting my head around liking a girl, and it's not an excuse, but I didn't know what else to do."
It seemed his colleague was a suitable thing to do.
"If you were scared we could've just talked it through. And if you really liked me, maybe you could've asked me how I felt. You didn't have to fuck Sophie-perfect-tits-Brett did you? You didn't have to rub it in my face."
"I didn't."
Well, he definitely did. I saw it on Facebook.
"That work weekend thing, I got wasted, so wasted I couldn't do anything. And then whenever we tried I would think of you being pregnant and it was an instant killer. We only did it one time, she got some Viagra off one of her mate's. "
I laughed at the thought of Will needing Viagra. Wonder what the office would say if they heard that bit of gossip.
"I thought of you the whole time. And I wanted to call you and then I thought it was too late. You wouldn't want to talk to me."
"And I wanted you to call me the whole time. I wanted you to say you'd had enough time to think things through and even if you didn't want to be with me, you wanted our baby."
"Our baby," he put his hand on my stomach, "that's mental, huh?"
The baby kicked in agreement.
"Wow, that's weird," he took another drink of his beer. "My mates can't believe it, me with a kid. Toby, that's my best mate, we've known each other since we were four, he said that I should stop being a pussy and like, speak to you, tell you, you know . . ."