I am working on the cafe counter but my mind is still focused on Eila. I am feeling more and more guilty in each passing moment. But why? Am I wrong to behave like this?
"Jim", I look aside to see Mom. She peeks straight into my eyes as if she knows what I'm feeling.
"Come out. Let's sit and talk", she walks ahead while I wonder what does she wanna talk about. I get out of the counter and join her on the corner table. After I sit for a bit we both stay silent when Mom finally starts, "What's wrong?" There is concern visible in her eyes.
"What? Nothing", I try to avoid my eyes since I know she guessed everything.
"You are bad at hiding things", I know this. "Now tell me what happened? What do you think that if you won't tell me then I won't get to know", I look at her as she speaks.
"What?"
"I am noticing since the past few days that you are lost. You are not who you used to be. That day you came home drunk. You were not like this. You didn't even go to college the next day", she bends forward. I think I should tell her everything but I don't know how to start. "Is anything wrong between you and Eila? Tell me son".
"Mom", I finally gather the courage, "We broke up". This thought just hitches me apart. I am both guilty and confused.
"What? But why?"
"That day Winnie called me at the bar when she showed the documents of Dad's last project. You remember tha man named David D'Souza, the one who framed dad? He's Eila's father", I blurt out in a less hasty voice but she stays calm and composed. I didn't expect this. "I don't know what to do Mom. I can never forgive that man and I can't forget his relation with Eila. I haven't talked to her since that day. I don't know if I'm right or wrong, I'm confused. I love her, I miss her yet I don't want to be with her. I am unable to control myself", I focus my eyes below, "But to be honest, I feel guilty. Really really guilty". I finally look at her and see she's already examining my face.
"You know one thing?"
"What?" I question.
"In life we always feel guilty for the decisions we don't make right. Sometimes we realize it and sometimes we don't. Again sometimes we realize them so late that we don't have any option left but to regret." Her eyes are still focused to me and this time I do the same. Does this mean my decision to go away from her was wrong?
"Mom", she waits for me to speak further. "Aren't you affected at all that David is her dad?" My voice is all void.
"I know about this", as soon as she says I sit straight with shock.
"What do you mean?"
"Yeah. The day she visited me, I got to know about David being her father though but I also know Eila hates him. Moreover what all happened was because of David not because of Eila. Then why should I blame her? Also she didn't know back then that Jonas is your dad". She bends forward while I sit in shocked and confused.
"But she is related to him?" I question though I feel this is baseless. I am wrong in behaving such yet I'm not sure.
"We should never punish the roses for the pain we got from the thorns".
This sentence just hits a nerve. A single sentence yet bears so much of meaning. And now I can clearly see what I've done. "You're mature enough to take your decisions now. I won't ask you to go and mend things with her. This completely depends on you, upon what you want. But just make sure, whatever you decide, let there not be even a slight space for guilt. If you feel guilty then do know that the decision you made is completely wrong". Mom doesn't say anything further and nor do I. After a minute of silence I watch her stand and go before which she offers a motherly grin at me. I don't move for the next few minutes, I sit still on my chair with both my hands placed on the table in front of me on which my head is resting.
I can't even explain what all thoughts are running in my mind right now. So many complications. So many things that were not right since the past few days. Now I understand the reason behind my restlessness, the reason behind my guilt. Also I know one thing that I love her, more than anything and now it's time to make things right. What I did was not right. I need to talk to her and fix everything. I hope she'll forgive me, I hope I won't lose her. Even the slight thought of losing her is breaking me apart. It's time to make things right which I did wrong.
I immediately head upstairs and bring out my phone to dial her number. My heart is constantly beating fast, hoping she'll answer but her phone is switched off. I try again and it's the same. I deserve this! Even I didn't pick her calls and now I deserve this. I think it's good I couldn't connect her over phone. I'll talk to her in college tomorrow. I'm not sure if she'll come or not but in that case I'll go to her place and talk to her. I'm again feeling that peace. I'm getting it back. This feeling I only get when I think of her and there's no barrier between us. I hope she'll understand me. I know she will yet I wonder why there's also a certain fear in my mind. An unknown fair as if something's going wrong, there's something which can't be fixed. I hope this is just my illusion and everything will get back to normal. I wonder how I'll pass this night. I can't wait for tomorrow's morning to arrive and we'll make a new start. A whole new start!
(A/N : So so so. Are you liking it? Well, let me tell you a secret, this part of the chapter was planned by me when I was in 7th standard. The story was not same, that was just a illusional story of mine which I planned and narrated to my friends and they liked a lot. I used to make stories since I was a child and now when I'm actually writing a novel, I thought of adding this most favorite imagination of mine in this book. I hope you are enjoying as much as I am enjoying in writing these. Let me know your reviews through commentssss.
Also guys, get ready to say a goodbye to 'Till The End' since the end is nearing. Maybe around 10 chapters are coming next or maybe less than that. I'm not sure about this but yeah, it's gonna end by this month. Ahhhh, this feeling. I can't express in words. I hope you all will always stick with me and won't stop showering your love since this is my biggest strength. So this was a really long A/N. Okay, I won't disturb anymore. But let me know your views on this whole novel. I'd really love to know them. Take care you all.)