Robbie
There's something amazing about waking up super early in the morning to travel. Everything outside is the same, but it all seems really otherworldly. Like you're the last person on earth, travelling the empty streets. You know, except for the other early risers you see going about their business too, and you end up having that shared look with each other and the unspoken question "what are you doing up at this time" flickers between both of you. But you never say anything, and carry on your way.
When I came to America, I didn't exactly have any emotional attachments to the country. But now it's almost like when I said goodbye to my parents at Gatwick airport when I left to start the tour all those months ago. I'm trying my hardest not to cry or get emotional but it always manages to catch me off guard. I'm brushing my teeth in the bathroom, trying not to make too much noise. Noah's parents are both up and waiting downstairs to help see me off, but when I left Noah's side in his bedroom, he was out for the count, and I know he likes his sleep.
We technically got to say our goodbyes to each other last night, but I still feel really bad to be leaving whilst he's asleep. Well, that's what you get when you fly at three am. I bend over to spit out some of my used toothpaste and as I lean back to look in the mirror, I'm greeted with a shirtless, spiky haired, and almost certainly sleep deprived Noah. I yelp and leap back in surprise, hitting the wall, and he laughs at my reaction.
'Jesus Christ. You scared the shit out of me.'
'Then it was totally worth waking up this early.'
I manage to steady myself after hitting the wall, and Noah's already got me wrapped in a hug. He sniffles a little bit, and I realise I'm not the only one close to tears.
'I can't believe that you're leaving.'
'I can't believe it either. It feels like I only just got here...'
We pull out of the hug and he yawns, stretching his arms above his head before ruffling the brown spikes his hair is currently stuck in. Every little thing he does has it's own unique quirk, and I love it.
We look at each other again, and the emotions that have been building up inside my head which I'd been controlling well so far begin to boil over. I feel my lip begin to quiver, as my eyesight begins to mist. I somehow find myself already in Noah's arms, sobbing softly into his shoulder. He squeezes me tightly, and I'm hoping if I hold on in this moment, it won't feel like I'm losing a part of me when we eventually pull out of our embrace.
'You've made me feel at home on tour, and basically had me as part of your family... but -- I... I need to go home.'
Noah's chin rests on top of my head, and I feel it move up and down in a nodding motion. He knows. They all know. But I hope him and the rest of his family know how much it meant to have their support and time in a country I'd never thought I'd end up visiting, yet alone touring. I pull out of the hug slightly, wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my hoodie.
Noah looks down at me, and I close my eyes as he places a gentle kiss on my forehead.
'I'll call you every day.'
'You don't have to. You have your own life, and the new season is coming out soon so I know you'll be busy, and I--'
'Robbie. I'll make time for you. I'll always make time for you.'
My voice cracks slightly, as some fresh tears fall silently down my cheeks.
'I know.'
I've practically flung myself at him, and he staggers back slightly in the enclosed space, but our grip on one another remains firm. We're both absolute messes (even though I know he looks better half asleep than I do, awake and fully clothed next to him), but it's a lovely shared moment. This is what it's like to have a person understand you so intimately, and they bring out the best, most genuine parts of you. That's why I don't mind crying so much around him. Just knowing that he's not going to be there physically to add something extra to my day is tearing me apart. Just like being away from my family. At least I know I'll be seeing them in a few weeks, unlike Noah.
'Have you thought about the wedding yet? I don't wanna press you for an answer but you know, like I said last night. My dad is pretty keen to get things organised.'
Noah sighs, and I worry that I've upset him, but he grins at me and ruffles my hair. I'd normally flip out if someone did it to me, (that someone is usually Quinn), but it's different for Noah. I'm just happy to get more contact from him before I leave.
'We'll see okay? I'll let you know real soon.'
'You're a tease.'
'Oh I know. But I'm also a train wreck. So it doesn't exactly go hand in hand.'
I grin as I exit the bathroom and grab my small suitcase which I left outside the bathroom in the hallway whilst I was doing my teeth. I unzip a small compartment in the case and slip my toothbrush and paste into it, as Noah watches, leaning against the door to the bathroom.
'You haven't forgot my shirt have you?'
I grin at him as I stand up, and unzip my black hoodie halfway down so he can see that I'm wearing my new prized possession.
'You were sweating buckets in that shirt on stage last night, and you're wearing it the day after?'
'Hey, it smells better than it did when I got it from you.'
Noah swats at me with his arm and I duck, avoiding it to scoop up my suitcase and I manage to flip him off as I head down the stairs. The front door is already open, the darkness from outside close to seeping inside, and Noah's parents are waiting at the bottom of the stairs, grins on their faces. I redden a little, hoping they didn't see me flipping Noah off, not that they'd really mind. It'd just be embarrassing. Noah's dad spots me and beams.
'Oh perfect timing! The car's just arrived.'
I fumble with the zip on my hoodie as I reach the bottom of the stairs, struggling to cover up the shirt. I don't think his parents would be particularly suspicious about me wearing a t-shirt like this, it's a pretty common one amongst popular kids my age. I don't want them trying to put two and two together, resulting in me accidentally outing Noah when he's not ready.
'You got everything you need Robbie?'
'Yeah, I think I'm good.'
I drop my small suitcase on the ground and adjust the shoulder straps on my rucksack. I've always liked travelling light, and the advantage of only wearing the same types of clothes meant I don't have to pack much.
'If you've forgotten something, then don't worry just get in touch with Noah and we'll mail it to you.'
I look from Noah's mum to his dad, and I struggle to hold back the tears.
'Thank you so much. For everything. I--' I'm choking up a little bit now, and I'm luckily saved by both Noah and Chloe appearing out of nowhere and pulling me into a family hug. I open my eyes despite the tears, and I see Noah's hand reaching around to mine, and he gives my hand a little squeeze.
We all pull out of the hug, and I step out of the door.
'Thanks so much for everything.'
'Don't be silly. We loved the gig, and we're incredibly happy to have been there for you.'
'I'll be checking your progress on Instagram!' Chloe chips in, and I smile at the entire family in the hallway, who've treated me like one of their own. Noah's trying not to look, and I can see the pain on his face.
'Hey.' I instinctively say, and he looks at me along with the rest of his family.
'I'll see you around.'
He gives me this small grin, but it might as well of been the largest grin he'd ever given me. I can see the emotions in his eyes, and it's then that I know just how much I mean to him.
I'm aware of the driver's eyes on me from the car, and probably Cade's too. In the cold morning air, I can see my own breath hovering in front of me, and how rapid it's starting to get. I need to get out of here before I have a full on break down on the Schnapp family's doorstep.
The door slams behind me as I pile into the car, and I'm met with Quinn's face, etched with slight concern.
'You good?'
I look out of the slightly tinted window at the thin bit of light still coming from the open doorway to Noah's -- my boyfriends -- house. I can just make out all the shadows of his family standing there, and I can see a shadow that's all too familiar to me, waving.
'Yeah... I'm good.'
'Last leg of the tour baby!' Quinn cheers, which isn't met with as much enthusiasm from Cade and I as he expected. I laugh, and give him a brief hug before slipping my seatbelt on.
'Let's get going.'
I took the window seat on the plane, obviously. If Quinn stared out of the window whilst the plane was making a turn, he wouldn't stop freaking out until we were back on solid ground. Luckily, being friends for so long has meant that I know how to distract him. We're both on our nintendo switches (again), and he's currently fixated on designing the new layout for his island on Animal Crossing.
My intention had been to start training up a new team are maybe even try some shiny hunting on Pokemon Shield during the long flight, but I'd had a dumber idea. I'd slipped my headphones in and had originally just been letting it shuffle through some of my favourite music, but then one sad song later and I'm now listening to my 'Great Depression' playlist. Thanks for giving me the idea for that playlist, Simon Spier.
I hate feeling more conflicted than I usually do. I should be excited about starting the last part of my tour, and getting to be back home for the first time in months.
But being back there means having to go through the memories of all these different places I'm playing at -- and maybe even meeting some of the people I was glad I left behind and kept out of my life. It also means I'm now an entire ocean away from my boyfriend, and even just being able to say that is taking some getting used to.
I'm also closer to my family now than I have been during the entirety of tour, and I don't really know how I feel about it. I've experienced independence on quite a large scale, and I don't know what it's going to be like moving back in with them at home.
The food service trolley is making it's way closer to us, and this is another great distraction for Quinn. I'd rather just leave my headphones on and wallow in my own pity, but Quinn has other ideas. He nudges me, gesturing towards the oncoming staff.
'You want something?'
'As long as you're buying.'
'Oh. I don't have any cash on me, and they only take cash--'
'Dude, both of us heard the announcement before take off. You know they take contactless.'
Quinn sticks his tongue out at me and I kinda just shrug it off, not really wanting to say anything else. He frowns slightly at me, and I can tell he's about to ask me if I'm alright, but a cheery flight attendant saves the day.
'Anything from the trolley for you gents?'
I'd already made up my mind before she got here.
'I'm good thanks.'
She looks to Quinn, whose leaning towards her eagerly.
'Yeah, can I get a can of Pepsi max, some m&ms and one of those kit kats please.'
Quinn holds up his bank card to the card reader, and the attendant beams at us both again, before turning round to grab the sugar laden treats for Quinn. As she turns back and hands Quinn all of his goods, her gaze wanders over to me and I start to feel a little uncomfortable. I'm wearing my black baseball cap again, so it's kinda hard to read my face. There's no way that she knows me, I'm not that popular. But I did just play Madison Square Garden. I'm still not used to the idea of being popular and a person people can recognise in public.
She's not looking away either as she hands Quinn a plastic cup for his canned drink, and I'm starting to think that she does know who I am. I decide to be polite and give her an awkward smile, and she returns it with a beaming grin.
She's finished handing all the goods to Quinn, and luckily it's looking like nothing is gonna be said. But just as she goes to move the trolley forward, she gives me one last look.
'I love your music by the way.'
If it wasn't for the hat, she'd be exposed to the massive red flush that's just gone across my face. Quinn's noticed and is stifling his laughter as I try to recover. Don't so anything stupid, for the love of God -- this is my first time getting noticed, so DON'T SAY ANYTHING STUPID--
'I -- uhm... Thank you. That means a lot.'
She grins as I exhale deeply. Thank fuck. I was able to give a reasonably human response. The trolley departs as I struggle to regulate my breathing, something which Quinn is relishing in.
'Don't even start.'
He just shoots me a cheeky look, before turning his attention to demolishing the sugary snacks in front of him. I lean back into my seat, hitting play on my playlist again, trying to get back into my music before I had to talk. I notice Cade in the aisle opposite ours looking at me with a hint of concern. Odd. They never really show emotion that much. I can only guess that they're probably thinking about all the crap we've got to get sorted for the next gig. Which just so happens to be tonight.
I force myself to look away from the aisle and out of the window instead. There's a lot of cloud cover beneath us and a small grin crosses my face -- typical that the weather in the UK is going to be crap. I look up at the foldable television that hangs in front of every seat, which shows the flight path and live tracking of the plane. My gig tonight is in Bristol, and getting to land at Bristol airport means our flight is a little shorter than it would've been than if we'd been flying to London.
The pilot's voice comes over the speakers, annoyingly cutting through the music I've been trying to get back to enjoying. We're beginning our descent into Bristol airport, and I see some worry cross Quinn's face. I offer him a reassuring pat on his hand, and he looks at me gratefully.
We break through the cloud cover and flecks of rain immediately start hitting the windows -- the perfect arrival to my home country. I shiver a little bit as I watch the droplets run down the length of the window. I could imagine if Noah was here, he'd be making all kinds of jokes about how shit the weather is. And I wouldn't even argue cause it's true.
I always used to hate the couples who went on and on about not seeing their partners, but I know what they mean now. I'm hoping that he'll be able to come to my cousin's wedding -- it was a bit of a big move and I kinda regret bringing something like that up, but I thought it would be a great sort of holiday together, and gets the whole 'meeting the family' thing out of the way, even if I introduced him as a friend at that point. But I also know I can't force him to do something he wouldn't be comfortable with.
The view suddenly clears a bit and I get a sight of the rolling fields, hills and scattered buildings dotted around this part of the UK. It feels a little weird as we hit the tarmac with a heavy thump, and thankfully the people on this flight seem to be somewhat sane as no one claps. This is the first time I've been on British soil for several months, and I'm kinda just disassociating as I watch the ailerons on the wings slow us down as we barrel down the runway.
After heading through security and collecting all our bags from the baggage belts (and watching on amused as a bunch of drunk university students from our flight tried to hop on the moving belts, only to end up with their faces planted firmly in the ground), we made it out the front of Bristol Airport into the cold downpour. Peak summer time in the UK.
Uber is definitely not as big as a deal in the UK as it is in the US, but it doesn't matter as Cade has somehow sourced some transportation, which is already waiting for us in the car park. As we hand our bags to the driver, a group of passing teens catch my attention. Just hearing British accents in public for the first time in months is somewhat comforting, but starts to bring back memories of people I didn't want to remember.
The entire short journey into the centre of Bristol and the hotel we're meant to be staying at I spend vacantly staring out of the window. I'd left my headphones in throughout the entire way out of the plane and airport, not really in the mood to talk to anyone. Cade nudges me, distracting me from the increasingly urban surroundings. I hook one of my headphones out of my ear.
'What's up?'
'There's a local radio station that wants to do an interview with you about playing Madison Square Garden.'
I tense up, and Cade notices almost immediately. They look me over and shrug.
'I'll just tell them that you're busy.'
'No.' I hear myself say, and I think I've surprised Cade and Quinn just as much as myself. I look at Cade with a weak smile.
'I might as well just get it out of the way.'
They look at me with a hint of surprise, before shrugging and typing something into their phone.
'They'll see you in a couple of hours. Gives us a bit of time to get settled in.'
I nod, and go back to staring out the window, hoping that Cade will take the hint that I don't want to be bothered. And luckily they do take it.
Before I know it, Quinn and I are unpacking our stuff in our hotel room. Quinn dibsed the bed by the window before I even had a chance to say something, and I reluctantly let him take it. I don't want to start getting all depressed now. It'll affect the people around me who don't deserve to suffer just cause I'm not in a great mood.
I'm fishing spare underwear out of my suitcase when Quinn's phone starts buzzing from an incoming call. He looks at the screen, turning slightly red, before shooting a look at me from across the room. Despite feeling like absolute shit since I arrived in the country, Quinn's reaction makes me grin a little bit. I can hazard a guess why.
'Is that... the guy?'
Quinn nods, as his phone continues to ring.
'Answer it then dude, don't leave him hanging.'
He seems to stumble back into reality, and shakily hits the accept button on his phone, clutching it close to his ear so I can't hear anything. Not that I'd eavesdrop anyway, despite how cute all of this is with him and the mystery boy.
I can barely make out what Quinn's mumbling through the phone, but the conversation (if you could call it that) barely lasts a minute. He drops his phone from his ear, looking towards the door with a bit of shock on his face. I think I can guess what's going on.
'Is he... uh... here?'
'Yeah -- he's in the lobby right now.'
I flash a massive grin at Quinn, and he looks at me with wide eyes, obviously still struggling to figure out what to do.
'Dude. Go down there and see him. You can bring him up here if you want, you know I don't bite.'
I see this register with him and he continues to stare off blankly into the distance for a bit, considering what to do. I see the glossy look on his eyes get replaced with steely determination, and he starts heading towards the door.
'Be back in a minute.'
'Can't wait to see this mysterious guy. He's lucky to have someone like you.'
Quinn and I share a smile, and my heart pangs a little bit, but I wait until the door slams shut behind him before I sit down with some tears starting to run down my cheeks. I'm happy for Quinn. Obviously. Seeing him like this with someone else is really heartwarming. But it also makes me miss Noah even more. I really want to text him, let him know I got here alright, but it's gonna be super early in the morning for him, and he needs sleep just as much as I do. I also don't want to be one of those overbearing partners. Like we don't need to text each other every waking moment. I'm happy with just a simple "good morning" and "good night".
I cave, and send Noah a quick text. Nothing too imposing or over the top. Just letting him know that I got to the UK and that I miss him. I would normally gag at using phrases like that, but everything's different with Noah. And I do miss him. I hear the buzz from the card scanner at the door, and manage to plop myself down on the bed casually enough so I don't look imposing as Quinn enters with mystery boy. And damn. Quinn's got good taste.
Mystery boy sees me lying on the bed, and I know I should say or do something to break the ice. I instead decide to throw a peace sign (the universal sign of all us gays) and smile at him -- and luckily he doesn't bolt for the hills. He grins and gives me a small wave, and I can feel the tension already easing. Thank God.
I look from mystery boy to Quinn, and back again. Mystery boy is scuffing his black and white converse nervously on the carpet, which i notice have some cool hand drawn doodles on them which gives him some bonus points already. He scratches at the messy black mop of hair on his head, and I feel for him, I really do. I'd be nervous meeting some dude I've only spoken to on Instagram, as well as his semi-famous friend. I'd be wetting myself in his position. So maybe I should try to make it as stress free as possible.
Quinn's eyes dart from me to mystery boy. He coughs a little, and I get up from the bed.
'Uh... Robbie. This is Nate. Nate, Robbie.'
I surprise myself as I'm the first one to extend my hand towards him for a handshake. I grin warmly at him, and he returns the grin, grabbing my hand.
'Hi there!'
'H--Hi.'
I step back, looking over Quinn and Nate as I cross my arms across my chest. I must admit, they're gonna make a really cute couple. Quinn is around the same height as me, so not that tall, and Nate is just a little bit taller. They seem to be too scared to get close to one another. Maybe I shouldn't have been here for this.
'I..uh-- How's the tour been? I've seen Quinn's pictures on Instagram, and it looked really cool. Congrats on playing Madison Square Garden too...'
'Nate, thank you so much. It's been really cool so far, but it only looks so good cause Quinn's amazing with a camera--'
'I am not --' Both Nate and I turn to speak at the same time.
'You are.'
We look at each other after saying the same thing, and then we burst out into laughter. Quinn is turning red, but I'm glad that Nate and I have already found some common ground. I grin mischievously at Quinn.
'I can tell we're gonna get on just fine.'
'I can't believe that both of you are gonna end up annoying me.'
'Correction. Only one of us. But I'll be there in annoying spirit.' I've already scooped up my rucksack and headed for the door, feeling Quinn's eyes following me. I stop and turn at the door.
'I'll give you two a bit of space to actually hang out. I wanna go explore in Bristol so that I don't have to spend too much time worrying about that interview. And I also want a hot chocolate that isn't coated in sugar.'
I can tell that they're both hiding it well, but they're happy to know that they have a chance to be alone. I'm not that dirty minded, and I'm sure that they won't do anything involving the beds in our hotel room. Unless it's using them as trampolines, cause that's a fun thing to do, and I wholly support that. I'm just worried that this person only wants to use Quinn for an easy hook up, only to then disappear off the face of the earth. I look over at Nate, and he gives me this sort of smile that I'd recognise anywhere.
It's a genuine smile, and I can see it in his eyes too. He likes Quinn. And he's not going to do anything that an arsehole would. With Quinn in safe hands, I give them both a small wave, which is returned.
'Have fun. See you guys around.'
'See you later.'
'It was lovely meeting you!'
'Nice meeting you too!'
I nod at them both, and head out of the room, letting the heavy door close on its own. I pull out my phone and open up the maps section. Time to see how good the hot chocolate is here in Bristol.
By the time I've finished my second cup of hot chocolate from the little vintage style cafe I'm sitting inside, Cade's rung me and told me to go to the radio station for the interview. Luckily it's literally a street away, so I don't need to panic about rushing. Untucking myself from the small corner in the store I'd claimed as my own, I readjust my baseball cap and thank the barista on my way out.
I spot the sign for the radio station from quite a way off, and as I make my way towards the automatic doors to the building, my phone buzzes.
Noah 💜: glad to hear you got back alright. bet the weather's shit like always 😂 I miss you too, if you want we can call later before your gig? don't worry if you can't though, i know we're both hella busy tonight x
And just like that, this boy has made my entire day. The little kiss at the end of the text is another reminder of the unbelievable fact that he's my boyfriend.
Robbie: of course the weather's shit, it's cause I'm in the country. and we can if you want, but i know you've got the stranger things premiere tonight as well so please don't worry if you can't 😅
Noah 💜: You know i've always got time for you, dumbass.
I pause outside the doors as I finish texting him, and it's true -- I know he's always got time for me, and so do I. I hope that I'll actually be able to watch the new season of Stranger Things after the gig, although it won't be the same as getting to watch it with Noah.
Robbie: i've got an interview right now (ik, i'm SUPER famous now 😋) but I'm defo free for a while afterwards so i'll let you know when i'm done?
Noah 💜: Good luck with your interview! ik it can be really scary but just be yourself and they'll love you (but not as much as me obvs 😉) chat later then x
I enter the building with a massive cheesy grin, and Cade materialises beside me before I even have a chance to look around the lobby. They look at my face, and even they struggle to hide their smile.
'Noah?'
I nod, blushing a little bit. I wish I didn't have the same reaction to someone talking about me and him every time, but I also like how I can't help blushing. It's got to mean that this is something special right?
Cade escorts me through a door off to the left of the lobby, into a rather spacious room with a large table covered in monitors, control boards and microphones.
'Hey! There he is!'
I do a full one eighty, turning around to face a man with a small beard standing behind me. I guess he's at least in his mid twenties, cause his eyes still have that sparkle of excitement in them which years of working hasn't drained dry yet.
He extends a hand towards me, and I actually manage to react like a normal person, grasping it and shaking it somewhat casually.
'I'm Leon, I do the midday slot here at the station, and it's really great to meet you Robbie!'
'Thanks for having me.'
He sidesteps around me and Cade, gesturing towards an empty seat by one of the microphones.
'So your manager tells me this is your first radio interview, is that true?'
'Uh... yeah, it is.'
He's sat down in his seat, and reaches for a pair of headphones, which he places over at where I assume he wants me to sit. He grins at me as I shuffle over to the empty seat and take my place.
'Can I get you a drink? Coffee? Tea?'
'Could I just get some water please?'
'No worries!'
Almost as soon as I mention what I'd like, some poor runner has appeared out of nowhere with a large coffee mug decorated with the station's logo, filled with water. I thank the runner as they head off and I see the recording light flash on by the door. Leon puts his headphones on over one of his ears and they flatten the large brown curls on his head. He winks at me.
'Don't stress too much man. You've played Madison Square Garden, so this is nothing. Just be yourself, and try not to swear.'
I shakily nod as he starts hitting tons of buttons on the control panel in front of him. Jesus. I have no idea how Noah manages to do this all the time, and I unbelievably feel more admiration for him than I did before.
'Welcome back listeners, today we've got a special guest, fresh back from the US after playing a sold out gig at Madison Square Garden!'
Okay. I guess we've started already. Leon seems like a decent guy. Time'll pass really quickly. I take a sip from my mug as Leon runs through the facts he's gathered on me, which startles me a little bit.
Twenty minutes later and it's over. It didn't feel like twenty minutes, and Leon did do a great job of making me feel comfortable. Maybe not all my interviews are going to be terrible. I was more worried about the fact that half way through Cade got a call and had to leave the room, and I haven't seen them since.
I step outside of the automated double doors to the building, and I spot Cade, waiting for me. They look... different. And it's already making me feel uneasy.
'Interview go okay?'
'Uh... yeah? I didn't have a public meltdown so that's about as good as it can get right?'
Cade just nods and stares off at the busy main street. Okay, they're really worrying me now.
'Is everything alright?'
They turn back to look at me, and they've got this terrible look in their eyes. It looks like pity? But with sadness too. If that even makes sense.
'You need to call your parents.'
My heart drops to my stomach. Something terrible must've happened if they had to get in touch with Cade first. I shakily unlock my phone and see the messages that came through when I had it on do not disturb during the interview. Loads of messages in the family group chat, and texts from both parents asking me to call them when I'm free.
I go to my contacts and pull up my mum's number and dial it. It rings only a couple times before she picks up. I can already hear that her breathing is slightly different over the phone.
'Mum, what's going on?'
'Robbie, it's grandma. I'm so sorry to break it like this but -- she had another stroke earlier today.'
My world begins to crumble. It's amazing how you spend ages building up everything in your life and you finally feel like you're starting to roll with the punches, and then in a second it's all taken away. I'm shaking, more violently than I have before. I don't start crying. I want to, but my brain isn't letting my eyes release any tears.
My knuckles tighten around my phone, as I clutch it closer to my ear.
'Is she...?'
'She's in hospital. It was a big one this time Robbie. It's all touch and go at the moment. We wanted to let you know sooner, but Cade told us about the interview.'
I look over at Cade, and see that they're also struggling to hold back tears. They were close to my family, especially my grandma. I take a ragged breath, trying to control my already rapid breathing.
'I -- I don't know what to do --'
'I'm on my way to the hospital now. We'll let you know more when we get there and see her.'
My voice starts to crack, and I fight against the tears which I know are going to be coming soon.
'But-- oh shit... I barely got to talk to her last time she called, I was busy and -- and we didn't get to have a proper catch up --'
'Robbie... Don't think about what you didn't get to say to her then. Think about all the other times you called her whilst you've been on tour, and got to say you loved her. Please don't beat yourself up. She's alive, and in good hands at the moment, alright? I know you're still on tour so don't worry about getting up to see her. I need to go, but take care. I love you.'
I hang up, unable to talk anymore. I know Mum told me not to think about it, but I can't help it. I was busy backstage at Madison when my nan last called me. We didn't get to chat properly. I look up to Cade with a trembling lip, and I fling myself at them.
My voice catches in my throat, and even though I try no sound comes out. Just a hoarse whisper of pain. And then the tears start. There's only one person I want to talk to right now. I open up my phone, and pick out the contact.
I need Noah.