Robbie
It's almost like something out of the movies as we drive through the centre of New York city. I may end up acting or looking like a tourist but I don't care. The whole night time vibe and flashing lights of the city is hypnotic for a lot of people, but I never really saw it that way. Loads of people say that you know you've 'made it' when you're in New York or LA, and I understand that, but personally I wouldn't want to set up here. I'd rather be closer to home and just work on my own music in a comfortable place, where I'm not surrounded by some of the really ignorant dicks in the industry.
I look across to Noah, whose similarly staring out of his window at the view he's probably seen countless times. He's nervous, I picked up on that after we hugged back at Madison Square Garden and I pulled away. I know if I was in his position I would've freaked out if I pulled away, and I feel really guilty about it. This whole little trip and plan he's set out is making me panic a little bit, but in a good way. Will this be the best time to maybe try to open up to him? I mean, I just finished playing my biggest show, and now we're headed somewhere in New York at night. I'm not saying this would be the scene in our movie where if anything were to happen between us it would happen now, but you know. I'm holding out hope.
I look away from Noah and back out of my window. We're heading down some of the main streets now, and I'm surprised how busy the streets still are despite how late in the evening it is. Well, it is the city which never sleeps. Ugh. I can't believe I just thought that. I'm such a bloody tourist. Noah leans forward in his seat towards the driver.
'Just around here would be fine.'
'Are we there yet?'
Noah looks at me with a grin.
'We're close. But I fancy walking there.'
I pull a face and he laughs.
'Don't worry, it's not too far Mister famous musician. I'm sure you can survive a five minute walk.'
'Oh I know I can, I'm more worried about you.'
Noah shoves me slightly and I bounce away from him, grinning widely.
The driver shrugs, and pulls over alongside the pavement. The doors unlock, and I open the door, stepping out into the night air. Noah clambers across the space between our seats and gets out behind me. I grin as I watch him crawl over and out of the seat, and he rolls his eyes.
He shuts the door behind him, and we both thank the driver, who speeds off a bit too quickly for a place where there's plenty of pedestrians around. We're left standing there, and my anxiety starts to build. Hilariously for someone who gets up in front of thousands of people, I do not do well in busy public places - which is why I wouldn't want to live in major cities. At least this street is a little bit quieter than some of the others we passed on the way here, but there's still the odd person passing us.
I think Noah's noticed I'm on edge, and he shuffles a bit closer to me, nudging me gently.
'You good?'
I nod, even if it's only half the truth.
'Where's this big surprise then?' I joke, and Noah starts to get a bit embarrassed.
'Who said there's a surprise?'
I roll my eyes and Noah laughs, knocking into me slightly and I'm freaking out at the contact. He looks at me with those kind, trusting eyes I know I could never hate, and gestures behind him.
'Come on then. This way to your "surprise".'
We start walking down the street at a decent pace, which I'm glad about cause normally I'm speeding ahead to try to avoid having people talk to me, and I hate walking with Cade and Quinn cause they walk so slowly it's unbelievable. But once again, doing something with Noah is just... right. We're really close to each other on the pavement, and there's that small gap between us where our hands could fall into each other, but I know that's not gonna happen.
Noah's thinking about something, I can tell from the concentration on his face. But I'm not going to step in and say something so patently stupid that it'll make me want to slide down one of the sewer grates on the road and become New York's resident Pennywise. Instead, I just take in the sights, as much as I hate to do it. I'm staring at one of the few fast food restaurants down the street when I decide to break the silence.
'So... did you really enjoy the show?'
Bloody hell, Robbie. I'm imagining watching myself pound some sense into my skull as Noah looks to me with a hint of surprise.
'What? Of course I did Robbie. I meant everything I said. Unless you want like a full review, in which case you'll have to wait for my article in the newspaper --'
I shove him slightly and he shoves me back, making us both share a good natured laugh. Good. I didn't insult him. I hope.
'Why are you asking?'
I sigh, putting my hands in my pockets as we continue to walk.
'I don't know. I get the feeling that everyone tells you that your show was great, and of course it was at Madison too so they're kinda obliged to say the gig was great even if it wasn't, cause you're playing Madison Square Garden and only the best musicians play there.'
'Yeah. And you're one of the best musicians. Your set was amazing.'
'I fucked up so much, did you see how many strings I was breaking because of my nerves?!'
Noah puts his hands on my shoulders and I freeze as we both stop in the middle of the street. He looks down at me earnestly.
'Dude. You breaking the strings and carrying on was what made it even better. You know how many other people wouldn't have been able to carry on playing if they broke half of their strings in one song?!'
I'm kinda close to tears. Not many people apart from Cade and Quinn have defended me so passionately before. I shrug, looking down at the ground.
'I guess... I know I fixate on the negatives, because it's a lot easier than focusing on the positives with the way my head is wired. So... thank you. You don't have to keep on saying nice stuff about me --'
'Of course I'm gonna say nice stuff cause I mean it all! I know it's hard for you to see the positives in yourself, but if I can make you see at least one positive then I'm happy.'
I look back up from the ground, at this guy whose holding me and staring at me with the most intense, genuine look in the world. I know he's meant everything he's ever said to me, and that makes me feel... I don't know. Special?
We're staring at one another again, and I become aware of someone walking past us, pulling me back into reality. I slide out of his touch, and I do feel horrible about doing it a second time. His arms drop to his side as he stares off, a little dejected. I wring my hands together, picking at the ends of my fingers, a nervous tic I've had since I was a little kid, as I wait for one of us to say something. I decide to take the plunge.
'I'm sorry.'
He looks at me in mild surprise.
'For what?'
'For being so... weird and distant with you tonight. Like I'm sorry, I obviously don't mean to upset you, I'm just feeling a little... out of it tonight.'
'You're nearly always out of it.'
I dig him in the shoulder and he laughs with that sweet, genuine laugh I've been lucky enough to hear so many times since we first met each other. Tension relieved. Thank the lord.
We continue our walk to the mystery location, Noah still leading the way but sticking even closer to me now. He's staring right ahead, once again thinking about something. I don't really want to ask him what's going on, as I know if given time, he'll tell me naturally.
'If I can ask you, like you don't have to answer if you don't want to but... have you considered dating anyone in the last couple years?'
Yikes. It's my turn to be hit with the curveball. Guess that's revenge for what I said earlier, so touché sir. I splutter a bit, floundering.
'Well... I'll be honest I haven't had time to think about it. You know with the whole music thing and then...'
I raise my left arm slightly towards him so he gets the hint. He nods, his gaze turning to the pavement in front of us. But I'm trembling, and that's not because of the slight chill that's started to set in the night air. He's asking about relationships. I know I'm a dumbass when it comes to romance, but that's like the subtle way of asking if I'm open to the idea of a relationship? He knows I'm embarrassingly single.
Noah's stayed silent, and I don't want to mess up something else in my life, like I've done countless times. I guess it's time to just start throwing out suggestions too.
'I mean, it also hasn't helped being trans.'
This is it. He stops, and turns to look at me and I'm expecting the world to end, to be ridiculed and never see him again. But it never happens.
Noah is smiling at me instead.
'Oh ok! Cool. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.'
My legs turn to jelly because this is the least likely outcome I was expecting after a lifetime of having to do this. But here he is smiling, unbothered, and I find myself searching for words to vomit out of my mouth again.
'But uh... like I said when you asked me in that call a few weeks ago --'
He's looked back up at me, a small smile on his face. I think it's adorable seeing him realise I remembered him asking.
'I think it just depends on the type of person.'
Noah nods again, taking this in. I wonder what the next question is gonna be, as I can see it burning a hole in him. Luckily I don't have to wait long.
'So... what exactly is your type?'
He's blushing. He's actually blushing and my pulse has started racing. I know what my heart is screaming for, but I don't think that'd be wise. I think this has got to be a pretty big indication of my sexuality. I'm starting to shake even more, and I'm struggling so hard to play it cool here.
'I don't know... tall, dark, mysterious and attractive, and most importantly they can tolerate my existence... I'm just shooting the breeze here.'
Noah giggles at what I hope he's realised is a joke, and I just take pleasure in hearing his laugh again.
'What about you?' It's Noah's turn to get flustered. I rush to assure him.
'I mean, only if you want to say. You don't have to say if you don't want.'
Noah's sight is now on the sky above us, surrounded by the towering skyscrapers of the city. He takes a deep breath, and I can see it in his eyes when they fall back on me -- he's got an internal conflict going on, and my heart goes out to him.
'I... really don't know. I mean - I thought I knew but the last couple months have been a bit weird.'
My blood freezes. The last couple of months. What's happened?! I can kinda guess at what might've happened in the last couple of months, seeing as that's when I came into his life. But again, this is real life, and stuff like this can't just happen - right? I decide to take the plunge.
'What do you mean?'
Noah looks away sheepishly.
'I don't know how to describe it. I'm someone who likes to have all his stuff figured out okay? And I've found that I've started to doubt certain parts of who I am. And I'm kinda scared.'
I nod supportively, not wanting to step over him in this moment when he's opening up to me. I do feel incredibly lucky to have someone like Noah open up to me like this. I get what he means about wanting to know who you are, and the pressure to figure yourself out as soon as possible. I don't want him to be scared. I want him to know that I'll be by his side no matter what, supporting him even when he's at his worst. Cause I know he'd do the same for me.
'Do you... do you have any friends who are LGBT?'
Now that's an oddly specific question. Of course I have LGBT+ friends, but this is starting to give me a bit too much hope. I need to know where this is going. Calm myself down first, and don't go jumping to conclusions. He may just want to know more about being an ally, as he's already done really well supporting the LGBT+ community.
'I.. well yeah, I do. It's not really my place to say, but they're pretty open about it so it's not like I'm outing them to a load of people. I'm just telling you so don't go telling other people.'
'Okay! Pinkie promise.'
I laugh as Noah brings his pinkie towards me, hitting me with the same type of promise I made him take when we last called. We shake pinkies, and grin stupidly at each other. Our pinkies fall away from each other, but I kinda wish that they stayed, and we'd get a chance to hold hands. God, I need to get a grip on myself.
'Alright. Well... So you know Cade?'
'Cade? As in your manager Cade?'
'Well, that's the only Cade I assume you know, so yes, that Cade.
'So like... where does he fall in there?'
'You mean where do they fall in the community?'
I see panic shoot across Noah's face and it's kinda adorable seeing him getting worked up and worried that he might've pissed me off. I couldn't get as mad at him as I do with other people when they use the wrong pronouns for Cade.
'It's alright. Lots of people get it wrong the first time and that's fine, you didn't know. But just remember it for next time. I think Cade'll like you a lot if you use the correct pronouns without having to ask them.'
Noah nods, genuinely taking onboard what I've said and that makes me a little more hopeful. If I do have to explain whatever the hell my gender and sexuality is, he should be fine with it. A lot of people struggle to understand the whole non-binary thing, so if he can support that then he'll be fine with anything else -- as people really should be.
Noah looks at me sheepishly.
'So... what about Quinn?'
'I mean, he's currently talking to this dude he's had a crush on for ages so...'
'Okay. That's pretty cool he's got the chance to talk to his crush.'
I blush, looking down at the ground.
'Yeah... some people can go most of their life without ever talking to their crushes, so I'm definitely super happy for him.'
We round a bend on the street, and although I don't know exactly where we're going, I can tell we might be nearly there just from Noah's body language.
'I'm glad he's finally found someone who'll treat him well. I remember when he came out at school a couple years ago, it was hell for him. He was always there for me when I needed him, so I made sure to be there for him. I got a lot of shit for being friends with the "gay kid" but I was already getting shit for the whole trans AND music thing and I wouldn't have had it any other way.'
Noah looks at me with a face full of pride and I find myself flushed with butterflies.
'He's really lucky to have a great friend like you. And so am I.'
'I'm really not that great. I'm that depressed, homesick musician whose super confused about who he is.'
Noah looks at me quizzically.
'What do you mean?'
I sigh.
'I... It's a lot like what you said. You're panicking a bit about figuring out who you are, and I think I am as well. It's just lasted a lot longer than the last couple months -- it's been the last couple years.'
'So we're both just equally confused teens trying to vibe our way through life?'
We both share a grin at Noah's rather concise summary.
'Basically... yeah.'
'Well, I'm sure we'll both figure it out in the end. But for now...Here we are.'
We've reached a part of the street which looks totally indifferent from the rest of the street. I look around, not really seeing anything out of the ordinary. Then again, I'm glad there's no massive fanfare and flash mob with whatever this surprise is. As "romantic" and over the top as something like that would be, I wouldn't be able to deal with that. I don't know why Americans think big gestures like that are good ideas, especially if you're dealing with someone as awkward as me.
Noah's smiling as he watches me look around in confusion.
'What exactly is it?'
Noah grins at me cheekily, and walks over to a lamppost on the pavement. I look at him with raised eyebrows.
'A lamppost?'
Noah rolls his eyes, leaning an arm against the lamppost with a knowing smile.
'Well of course it's a lamppost. I meant look at the sign on it, dumbass.'
I flip him off and he snorts in laughter, before looking up at the lamppost next to him. I follow his gaze to the small sign fixed near the top of the post, exactly the same as every one on every street in New York. But this one is different. Because it says '6th Avenue' on it. And then it clicks.
'Sixth street?'
Noah nods, folding his arms together.
'And this is the lamppost?'
'Yep... Come on, how have you not figured it out yet.'
I flip him off again and he raises his hands innocently.
'This is the lamppost back on sixth street. Like in "Photograph"?'
Noah claps loudly enough to make me go red and scan around me for any strangers nearby who might stop and make fun of us. But no one's around. It's just me and Noah. It kinda hits me all at once, and as the tears begin to well up in my eyes I look over at Noah whose beaming at me, but I can see he's starting to tear up too. Of course. This wasn't what people would consider a massive gesture, but it means a lot to me. This is the place which one of my favourite songs was written about. And that means a lot more than some sort of expensive gift ever could.
'So... what do you think?'
I fling myself at Noah, and both of us hit the lamppost with a dull thud as I wrap him in a tight hug. He laughs and I feel his chest rise with the laughter.
'I guess you like it.'
'Thank you... thank you so much Noah. This is perfect.'
I meant it. It's all perfect. Like him. This is all amazing. And it could be topped off only if I could actually try to phrase what I want to say. It seems like the best time, especially now at such an important place to me. Noah gently moves me off of him, bringing his phone out of his pocket.
'Gotta get a memory of this... and also need something new to post to Instagram. For the fans.'
I roll my eyes sarcastically.
'For the fans. Sure.'
Noah sticks his tongue out at me as holds his phone out in front of us. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me close to him. I'm suddenly shellshocked and don't really register what's going on. All I feel is Noah's body next to mine.
'Smile!'
I'm aware enough to be able to pull the typical crappy grin I have on in most photos where I'm zoning out. Noah snaps a couple of photos, and then looks at me, right in the eyes, and I'm suddenly zoning back in.
'You good? You look out of it in the pictures -- well, more than you normally are.'
'I... I'm sorry. I think I'm a little overwhelmed. I DID just play Maddison square garden.'
Noah's lowered his phone and shuffled a little closer to me as I'm talking. Of course I notice him doing it, our faces are practically inches from one another. I can feel myself reddening as I consider what to say. Noah's looking at me with the same look he has whenever he's concerned about me, and it's adorable. Him closing the distance is making me splutter a little bit as I try to avoid looking at him right in the eyes cause I know I won't be able to look away.
'Noah... I'm - I'm sorry. I'm just some confused guy who happens to be good at playing guitar and you don't need someone like me around you when you're also struggling --'
I stop spouting shit out of my mouth because I'm speechless now. Noah's hands are on my arms, and he's looking at me with a shy little grin. I look at him, trying to hold back some fresh tears cause God this guy is literally perfect and I don't know what he sees in me. I don't want to hurt him like I seem to do with everyone around me and --
'Robbie. You haven't got anything to apologise for. You're none of those things you said you are. Well, apart from being a good musician, cause I can tell you that's one hundred percent true. And yeah, I'm nearly one hundred percent confused about myself as well, but I've got you, and you've got me. And I think I'm okay with that.'
I'm literally gobsmacked. What the hell do I say? We're so close to each other and it's starting to look suspiciously like a certain type of scene in every romantic film which I am not ready for whatsoever because I'm a total mess and this boy in front of me is just so really fucking perfect no matter what.
I stutter a little, looking like an absolute moron again in front of Noah.
'You're okay? Being friends with... this?' I gesticulate around me with my hands, and Noah laughs as he gently holds my wrists and stops them from the manic movement I was waving them around in.
'Yeah. I'm totally okay with it.'
'Well, you might live to regret that cause --'
I stop talking again, but this time because I literally can't help it. Noah's leaned across and pecked me on the cheek. Just a little peck, but my brain fries on the spot. He kissed me. On the cheek, but HE KISSED ME. He's pulled away, blushing a little bit and looking at me with a bit of worry on his face. But he breaks out into a grin once he sees my catatonic face.
'I don't want to have any regrets anymore. But -- are you okay?'
I somehow manage to make my head move in a shaky nod, and Noah's eyes drop to the ground.
'I'm sorry - If you're uncomfortable now. I shouldn't have done that, I'm stupid and I just... I don't know why I just did that, but I've wanted to do that for ages. If I screwed up our friendship Robbie, I'm so sorry -'
'You... You kissed me.' I manage to gasp out, totally without sounding like a total asthmatic stranded in a freshly mowed field without their inhaler during peak hay-fever season.
'I know, it was stupid and if you don't wanna talk to me anymore cause I'm some sort of creep then I understand--'
'No!! No it's alright, Noah --'
He looks up from the ground and we lock eyes. I've finally regained control of my body again and I reach out towards him with my right hand, and it wraps itself perfectly in his one of his hands. I give it a little squeeze, and he looks down at our entwined hands, then back up to me, and grins. He closes the distance again. I'm aware I've probably gone completely red by now, and I'm more than likely gonna say something so cringy that my future generations are still going to feel it, but for the first time in my life I don't really care.
'Can... can we try it again?'
Noah's entire face lights up and I can't help but giggle at it. It's that pure unadulterated joy on his face that he fills me with every time I'm around him, and I know I'm so lucky to have that kind of thing in my life.
I feel a light squeeze on our entwined hands, and I squeeze back. Noah's started leaning in towards me and holyshitokayisthisreallyhappening but what do I do??! I haven't exactly done much kissing with people who aren't my parents. Do I move towards him? No, don't do that, knowing me I'll end up head-butting him and we'll have to go to the hospital. That'd make a cute and funny story to tell our relatives, but Jesus I'm thinking way too far ahead here as Noah's lips get closer to mine, but then I'm suddenly hit with this sort of power and my body seems to be in autopilot as I start to close the minuscule distance between us...
And our lips connect. Lightly, and not for that long, but it feels like it lasted so much more longer. I felt a shiver go down my spine as our lips touched, cheeks resting against one another's, and I instinctively squeeze again with my hand, trying to ground myself and reassuring my brain that what I'm seeing and feeling is real. It is real, and it's amazing. We didn't exactly french (as I know so many people would try to claim whenever we tell them), it was a light peck of the lips, but to me it was perfect.
Noah's pulled away with a huge grin on his face, and unfortunately his hand leaves mine too. I stare at him breathlessly.
'I -- Wow.'
'Was that... your first kiss?'
'Uhm... yeah. Was I that bad?!'
Noah bursts out laughing, and wraps me in a hug.
'It was... acceptable. For my first kiss with a guy anyway.'
I dig him lightly in his side from where we're holding each other in the hug, and he wriggles away from me in a fit of laughter.
'It was more than acceptable Robbie. Thank you.'
I find myself blushing, and start wringing my hands again, standing nervously in front of him. Neither of us really know what to say.
'Let's try get some proper pictures, now we've got... that out of the way.'
I flip him off, and he somehow manages to snap a picture of me doing it by whipping his phone out of his pocket at lightning fast speed. He closes the short distance between us yet again, and he goes to put his arm around my shoulder, and pulls me close to him.
But this time I feel so much more closer, even if it's the same position as before we kissed. Shit. I KISSED NOAH. That's all that's rushing through my head at the moment, and I have no idea how I'm not screaming out in excitement.
But this just means that the smile on my face is definitely genuine this time round, as Noah raises up his phone and snaps some selfies. After he's taken a couple, I shrug his arm off of my shoulder and catch his loose hand in mine, squeezing it tightly. We hold hands at waist level, out of the frame of the camera, and it shouldn't be that noticeable to any keen viewers trying to look for truth to their Nobbie shipping theories. As he snaps a couple more grinning selfies, including one where we pull some stupid faces, I'm overwhelmed with some confidence I've never really experienced around someone before.
As he goes to press the button on his phone, I lean across and peck him on the cheek. SNAP! Noah looks over at me in surprise, and I think I've gone too far, but he grins and leans in for another kiss, and as our lips touch I hear his phone click again. Now that's how you take some cute pictures to show people when they ask for your first photo as a couple. Well. We aren't exactly a couple yet. That should be the next big question we need to ask each other, although we've technically already answered it ourselves.
I stand silently as Noah flicks through the pictures he took, crossing my arms. I'm starting to feel the cold night air, and I'm regretting not bringing a hoodie with me. Noah looks up from his phone and concern etches across his face.
'You're cold?'
'Yeah. But we are not doing all that cute crap where you're going to give me your hoodie cause I'll vomit --'
'Do you want my hoodie?'
I shuffle a bit on the spot. I know it's the sort of behaviour I've seen couples splash all over Instagram and I always hated it. Maybe because I was jealous I never had someone to do that with. Until now.
I sheepishly nod at him, and of course like the adorable person he is, his hoodie is already off before I finish nodding and I'm snuggled up inside it. God, this hoodie is comfy. And it smells like him. It's like he's holding me all the time whilst I'm wearing it. Shit. Now I know why couples argue over sharing hoodies, cause Noah's gonna have to pry this hoodie out of my cold, dead hands.
'Chloe's gonna lose her shit when she sees you wearing my hoodie.'
'I think everyone's gonna lose their shit when they see those photos.'
Noah face hardens a little bit, and it scares me. I haven't seen that expression on his face before, and I don't want him to worry. He looks off down the street, avoiding my sight.
'What is it? What's the matter Noah?'
'Can... can we maybe keep this quiet for now? I'm still not entirely sure about myself. I don't want to have to add coming out to everyone on top of everything else right now.'
My hand finds it way to his, and they slip together again. I give it a little squeeze, and he finally looks at me, his eyes starting to well up with tears. It breaks my heart seeing him like this, but I know the feeling. It's a hell of a scary time coming to terms with who you love. And especially as an actor and role model to tons of people, he's got it worse than me at the moment.
'Of course. Dude, I know the timing for this couldn't be worse. And as much as I want to encourage you to embrace who you are and celebrate being proud -- that takes time. So I understand if you want to keep this under wraps. As long as you're okay by the end of it.'
His arms are around me, and I tightly hold him in the hug. I feel him shake a little bit as he cries, and I hold him tighter. I'm never letting go. Quinn and I were lucky to have understanding people in our lives. I want to be one of them now for Noah, so that he won't ever look back at this moment with regret.
We spend a few minutes just swaying in our hug, before Noah finally pulls out of it, wiping his eyes with his shoulder. Without his hoodie on he's just wearing a t-shirt, and I bet although he won't admit it to me, he's also cold.
'So... how are we getting back?'
It's close to midnight by the time Noah and I arrive at his doorstep. The lights in the house are still on, so this isn't exactly going to be a simple case of sneaking back in. I'm sure his parents would be lenient anyway, they don't seem to be the type of people who'd get unnecessarily angry over something like coming home late, especially considering the fact I'd played a huge gig.
Noah pauses at the door, his key in hand. He had the chance during the journey back in the taxi to warm up, and the exposure to cool air again is making him shiver ever so slightly.
'I'm not supposed to tell you, but I don't want you to have like a full on panic attack when you get inside --'
'What?! What are you talking about?'
'My parents have organised a little "after show" party for you. It was meant to be a surprise but...'
I grin at him, wrapping my hand in his again.
'Well, thanks for thinking of me. How's this for my surprised face?'
I pull a ridiculous face, and Noah shoves me as he giggles with laughter.
'Too much?'
'Way too much.'
'Noted.'
Noah slips the key in the lock and turns the door handle. He turns back to me.
'You ready?'
'As cheesy as it sounds, if I've got you next to me, I'm gonna be fine.'
Noah's gone bright red and I can't help but snicker. I like how we both can't take compliments from one another without turning into an embarrassing shade of red. He pushes open the door and we get into the hallway and it's suspiciously quiet. Well, duh. It wouldn't be a surprise otherwise.
Noah shuts the door behind us and we're flung into total darkness, apart from some light from the street wafting in through the misted glass on the front door. It's kinda creepy I'm not gonna lie, and I find myself clinging closer to Noah as we take tentative steps in the dark towards the living room.
We reach the double doors leading into the living room, and I look over towards Noah, trying to make out the expression on his face in the dark.
'Please don't scream.' He whispers to me.
'I wasn't going to, but now that you mention it...'
I feel a light dig in my side and struggle to mute my giggles. I hear Noah exhale deeply through his nose, which isn't helping me try to compose myself. Noah reaches out to the door handle and opens the door -- and we're both simultaneously blinded and deafened by all the lights coming on at once and accompanying cheers with party poppers going off.
'SURPRISE!!'
Noah's parents, Chloe and surprisingly, Cade and Quinn are all standing in the room. Everyone's wearing little cardboard party hats except for Cade, which I don't blame them for not doing. It's not their style anyway. I look at them with genuine surprise on my face.
'What? I thought you guys were at the party in Madison --'
'That wasn't the real wrap party. That's tomorrow. A little diversion which Noah came up with so that you wouldn't expect us to be here.'
'How did you?..'
I look over at Noah, whose got this adorable, knowing smile on his face.
'I texted them last night and they were more than happy to try surprise you.'
I look from Noah to everyone else in the room, all of them beaming with pride at me and I think that's when what I've done has finally hit home. Having twenty thousand people cheer for you is very different to several of the closest people in your life congratulating you.
Chloe's bounded over to Noah and I, party hats in hand.
'Get these on! It's not a proper party if you're not wearing them.'
I happily accept the tiny hat and slip that annoyingly thin yet somehow incredibly painful string around my head and look over at Noah, whose refusing to put the hat on despite Chloe's best efforts.
'Come on. It's my party. It's basically illegal if you don't wear one.'
Noah looks over at me and rolls his eyes before slipping the hat on, and I watch as a little grin washes across his face. Of course he loves it.
I go around hugging everyone in the room, thanking them when they congratulate me. I finish at Quinn and Noah, who I wrap in a hug at the same time.
'Thanks so much guys. This means a lot.'
I get a pat on the back from both of them and I really am lucky to have such supportive and amazing people in my life. We pull out of the hug and Chloe seems to just magically appear beside me, looking at me with bright eyes. I can see Noah's look he shoots her and I can't help but grin.
'Nice hoodie.'
'Yeah, it is. I got cold so Noah let me wear it...'
Chloe grins.
'It looks better on you.'
Noah flips Chloe off and she sticks her tongue out at him, before her attention turns back to me.
'Did you both have a good time doing whatever sketchy stuff my brother likes doing in New York?'
I look over at him, and he looks at the ground, embarrassed. I can feel my own cheeks heating up, and unless Chloe is blind she will have noticed both of our reactions and maybe put something together in her head.
'Y-- Yeah. It was really cool.'
'Awesome! I'm glad you guys had a great time, doing whatever it was you did --'
'Alright Robbie, here's a little something special for you!'
Thank the lord for Noah's mum coming in and saving us. And she's brought a massive cake, which has been modelled to look like the body of one of my guitars. Saving the day with cake. She's a hero in my book.
Cade's pouring out glasses of champagne for everyone, and this time I think I'd actually like some. There's a glass in everyone's hand except mine as I step up to the cake. Noah's mum hands me a knife and I look around the room, filled with the closest people who have basically become my family whilst I've been away from home. Noah's to my left, his arms crossed and watching me in amusement, as I go to cut the cake.
'Don't forget to make a wish!'
I stop just short of the cake and look at everyone again with this silly grin on my face.
'What I'm about to say is probably gonna make you all cringe really badly --'
'Oh God, please don't.' Quinn says, but it's too late.
'All my wishes have basically come true in the last year, and that is thanks to you guys.'
Quinn digs me in the shoulder, which is a really bold move considering the fact I've got a knife in my hand (not that I'd actually use it on anyone, let alone Quinn). I see smiles on everyone's face at what I've said, and there's even a small one on Cade's face which means miracles can happen.
I move the knife closer to the cake again, and I shut my eyes to think about my wish. I think I already know what I want though. I keep my eyes shut, hard, and I feel the knife cut through the cake in front of me. There's some muted clapping from everyone in the room, and the first thing I see when I open my eyes again is Noah's beaming face looking at me. And that's when I know that I definitely haven't wasted this wish.