Noah
It took everything in my power to not join in with the screams as the lights went down. I kinda had to resort to this excited sort of gasp and wriggled a bit in my seat, which obviously caught the attention of everyone in my family. Instead of making some sort of passing comment, they leave me alone, which I'm thankful for. Chloe and I look at each other in the darkened room, and she grins -- she looks almost as excited as I am.
We're seated slightly to the top left of the venue, and have a lovely view of the whole of Madison Square Garden, and the specks of people all crowded together in the central standing area. The spotlight hits the darkened stage, as Robbie appears from the side -- prompting the crowd to start its frenzy of cheering. This wave of sound is putting me off balance and I'm sitting up here, so God knows what it's gonna be like for Robbie.
It's almost like I'm watching back the first time I saw him come on stage - but he's a lot further away from us. The screens flicker on, and I see his beaming face. He fiddles a bit with an ear piece as he strides over to the microphones, clutching the neck of his guitar with his right hand. I love how he's this different person when he's in front of all these people. You couldn't tell that he's someone who struggles with anxiety and all the mental health problems. You can just tell that he was born to be up on a stage, making people's dreams come true.
He plugs in the guitar, and strums out some chords -- and I can already tell that he's opening with the same song he did back in Atlanta. The sound system here however, is much better than the Tabernacle, and just those opening chords are enough to start making me shake with excitement. Screams come from a lot of the fans near the barrier in the standing section, and I can assume they've also recognised what song it is he's opening with.
Robbie steps back towards the mic, a huge grin on his face. He takes a breath, and his biggest ever show begins.
I'd been hoping that Mom and Dad would like Robbie's music, and not have to pretend to enjoy themselves for my sake, but I didn't need to worry. By the end of the first song, they were both cheering and whistling just as loudly as everyone else. I can't believe that Robbie sounded better than he did in Atlanta. I watch him as he steps back from the mics as the cheers continue, grabbing a water bottle and slipping a capo onto his guitar. The screams don't die down for a while, and I clap as hard as I can.
Robbie takes a few huge gulps of water from his bottle, before dropping it on the ground next to him and looking out at us with a huge grin.
'New York, how you doing?'
A roar comes from the crowd, which my family join in with enthusiastically.
'I just want to say, I've been waiting to do this gig for a long time. So thank you all so much for coming out here tonight to see some short, British kid sing about being homesick for a couple hours.'
He's taken the mic from its stand and is pacing around the stage a bit, I guess to help with his nerves, even though you couldn't tell.
'I'm gonna play some songs tonight that hopefully you know, some of them you'll definitely know but it doesn't matter. I'm gonna give one hundred and ten percent tonight, and you can too. By tonight I want us to leave without our voices, does that sound good to you?'
Unanimous cheering and clapping confirms that everyone here is ready to lose their voices, me included. He steps back up to his mic stands, slotting the mic back into place. He looks out at us, his beaming smile having never left his face.
'This is the first song I wrote, and I wrote it for my nan.'
I join some of the cheers from fans who know which song he's talking about -- it's one of my favourite songs from his album. It's weird though as I watch him progress through the song. The song itself does hold emotional memories for him, but he didn't get that emotional whilst playing it. However tonight, as he hits the bridge after the chorus, I see him close his eyes to stop the tears from falling down his cheeks. It hits me then that his family couldn't be here to see him tonight, and that must be horrible for him. He's got me and my family here though, and I'm sure we wouldn't mind being the closest thing to a family he has out here.
The next forty minutes is amazing. Robbie was right about the set list, as the beginning of the set is similar to the one he used in Atlanta, but as he gets more into it (and so does the crowd) he starts playing songs I hadn't heard a few weeks ago. He's just finished an amazing mashup of some of his slower songs from his EP and album, and as he steps back to take another swig of water I can see how much he's been sweating. Not being able to roll up his sleeves must be a pain, but I understand his reasons and I'm glad that he's not thinking about doing stuff like that to his arms again. Hopefully.
Still, seeing him wearing my shirt up on stage, whilst everyone probably thinks it's just a new shirt, really makes my heart swell a little. Maybe I should let him keep it. It's not like I'm going to miss it, seeing as I have so many of the same type of shirt anyway. Robbie's switched guitars with Connor, and I see him lean in close to Connor to say something, and Connor's head throws back with laughter as he heads back offstage.
Robbie guzzles down some more water, and he then begins to start fiddling with the tuning pegs on the guitar and realisation hits me. Is he?-- Is he going to play photograph again? Robbie finishes tuning his guitar, and gives it a test strum. Hearing the deeper, richer sound of the new tuning only continues to fuel my suspicion. I excitedly nudge Chloe, and she looks at me with a smirk.
'Let me guess. This next song might be photograph?'
I nod, and she chuckles at her own accuracy. Our attention is brought back to Robbie as he makes out a slow beat on his guitar and loops it which proves it beyond doubt -- he's playing photograph. He leans slightly in to the mic.
'Alright, thank you! Now this next song is a song I never really used to play, but I've started loving playing it at gigs. This is where we're going to start losing our voices, if you haven't already. Even if you don't know the words, scream something out. It goes like this.'
He goes straight into the opening riff and a massive roar emerges from the crowd as they recognise the song. Both Mom and Dad look over at me, as I join in with the shouts, already feeling the tears starting to well up. Robbie's looking out at us with a huge smile, swaying slightly in time as he plays out the chords in the verse, and everyone joins in with the first line as Robbie says it into the mic.
'Loving can hurt...'
I'm surprised I'm not a complete mess yet, as my family and I join in singing the words out as we reach the first chorus, and Robbie encourages everyone to sing it out quietly. I slip my phone out of my pocket as Robbie and the arena sing the chorus together, and I slowly pan my phone around as I record, revealing all the phone lights being turned on and waved around people's heads. It's truly magical, and the roar from the crowd as Robbie starts the bridge into the next verse is something else.
He's obviously trying to hold back his emotions a little bit with this song, but he also just can't stop smiling. And that's another one of the things which dawns on me, and makes me more aware of how much I'm falling for this guy. He loves what he does, and it's obvious with the music he creates. I start zoning out as Robbie hits the second chorus, and whilst everyone else around me is either clapping, singing, whatever along with the song, I've kinda crumpled a bit.
My Mom notices, extending her arm around me and begins to comfort me.
'It's alright. This all means a lot to you, doesn't it?'
I nod, nestling my face into her shoulder as she completely wraps me in an awkward sideways hug because of the seating. I start crying. I can't help it. I'm so hopelessly messed up by this guy, the amazing music and how he treats me like a normal person and not a celebrity. I barely register that he's got up to the part where he begins looping falsetto, until it hits and the screams of the crowd, mixed with the amazing sound from the speakers rams into me all at once.
I manage to raise my head out of my mom's embrace, and gaze through tear stained eyes at the stage and the small figure in the centre of it, hitting his guitar with raw emotion. That's when I notice that's he's snapped two strings, and unbelievably as he hits the highest and most emotional part of the loop, another string snaps. He carries on, and now I'm wiping the tears from my face as I join in with the cheers of support from the crowd.
I can make out thanks to the screens that Robbie has little wry grin as he slips the broken string out of its place, and continues playing. He stops everything briefly, and launches into the final chorus and the entire room is exploding with screams and shouts. I'm so proud of him. I fall back into a hug with Mom, but Dad and Chloe join in too and this is definitely the happiest I've been in a while. And it's all thanks to Robbie. He stops all the music, taking his guitar off at the same time and stepping closer to the front of the barrier near the stage. Everyone starts singing out the last line of the song, and he finishes it off with a gentle whisper.
'Wait for me to come home.'
The whole place erupts into applause, whooping and God knows what else. That was somehow even better than last time. Seeing and hearing Robbie lay himself bare again has only renewed my faith in the idea I have planned for after the gig. I watch as he guzzles down more water, finishing off what must be his sixth bottle of water, and dropping it back to the ground. He's switched the now shredded guitar with his other one, 'April', and plugs it back in, giving it some experimental strums.
'Thank you! So this is technically my last song -'
A whole bunch of "Aww's" echo around, and he grins a little bit.
'I say technically, cause there is an encore after this, but let's just pretend that this is a "concert", and not just some homesick kid with a tiny guitar.'
I laugh at his self aware dig at himself. He gazes back out at us again, running a sweaty hand through his hair which itself is sticking up from his exertion tonight.
'So for these last couple of songs, we're gonna completely lose our voices like I said earlier. And obviously, this has been a huge moment for me so I just want to thank you all for taking the time out of your busy lives to come see me tonight. You've all been fantastic.'
Everyone starts cheering again as he slaps the strings on his guitar and starts up the 'final' song. I love seeing the concentration on his face as he builds up the fast paced loop for this song. I'm so glad that I got to be here for such a massive occasion in his life.
By the end of his encore set, even my dad is standing up whistling loudly. I'm surprised at how much my parents got into it, but I'm not complaining. It's been lovely being together with my family for this occasion, and I'm so glad they enjoyed it just as much as we did. Robbie's standing breathlessly as the crowd continues with its applause and cheering. He raises his arms up and a fresh wave of cheers echo around the ground.
'Madison Square Garden! You've been amazing, thank you so much. Have a safe journey home.'
With that, Robbie places his mic back on the stand for the last time, and walks off, having left everything out there on the stage tonight. I'm kinda glad that I didn't cry as much as I did the last time I saw him, cause I know I'd never hear the end of it. There's that sudden shift in the crowd as everyone starts to move towards the exits in a bid to avoid the post-show traffic jam.
Mom and Dad both seem to have the same idea as everyone else in the arena, and start ushering Chloe and I out of our seats. As we start heading towards the doors, Chloe and I catch each other's eyes, and I see that she's got a huge grin across her face.
'What?' I ask her nervously.
'Oh... nothing. Just interested to see what you've got planned to follow up this amazing show.'
I roll my eyes, trying to hide the very real pang of anxiety that just shot through me. This is my one chance to back out if I want to. My phone buzzes, and I pull it out of my pocket. Lots of responses to my one story post from the show, but the reason my phone buzzed was because of Millie's response to my story. It's just a simple 'I ship it!! ;)' and that's when I make up my mind as I watch the video back. I don't want to look back on this part of my life and regret not going for it.
Chloe's hovering next to me, and I can feel her eyes boring into my skull as she watches for my decision - although I think we both know what it's going to be. I lock my phone, sliding it back into my pocket, and Chloe beams at me. She wraps me in a hug which I was not expecting, but I return it.
'Good luck. I'm sure that it'll go well anyway but please don't beat yourself up if things don't go to plan. Promise me that?'
I pull out of the hug and nod.
'Promise.'
'Good. Now go make some poor people feel sick from seeing your attempt at romance.'
We've reached the atrium now, and we head to the side, out of the way of the swathes of people going past us. Mom and Dad were a little bit behind us, but they rejoin us at our little stopping place. They're both holding hands again, and smiling with a bit too much enthusiasm at me, and I can feel my cheeks starting to burn already.
'Well...'
I raise my eyebrows at what my dad's just said. He knows something doesn't he? Him and Mom drag me into a hug, and I go limp in it as I frantically try to figure out what exactly my parents know. I manage to slip out of the hug, and I'm greeted with their beaming faces.
'Thank you for suggesting this to us Noah, we've had a lovely time and you were right about Robbie. He's very talented. Well... Good luck with whatever you've got planned. Just be safe and make sure you use protect--'
'MOOOM! It's not like that at all!'
Dad leans in to wink at me.
'Of course it isn't. Good luck son, we're both very proud and happy for you.'
I whip around to Chloe.
'CHLOE! What did you say to them?!'
She shrugs.
'Nothing. I think they figured it out themselves. I mean come on - you should see you two when you're together.'
I redden a bit, but honestly hearing that confirmation out loud makes me feel a lot better about my chances. Our family comes together for one final hug, and we break off afterwards, my parents and Chloe heading for the doors, whilst I stay inside the atrium. Before they start heading off, Dad turns back to me.
'If you need a lift back, just give us a shout, we won't mind.'
'Thanks Dad, I will if I need to. But I'm fairly certain I'll be able to find a way back with Robbie.'
Dad grins, and rejoins Mom and Chloe as they head out of the doors and into the night, leaving me alone. Right. How do I send this text asking where to go and meet Robbie? This could be one of the most important messages I've ever had to send, but why should I overcomplicate it? I like Robbie for the person he is, and I'm fairly certain he thinks the same about me. So he's not going to care about how I phrase the message, as long as I'm comfortable enough to be myself around him.
Luckily I'm saved from having to make the decision - my phone buzzes and I see the text come through from Robbie.
Robbie, Best Friend and *Insert Sad Guitar Noises*: okay so everyone's already in full party mode and I'm freaking out a bit. if you're in the atrium, head over to the North entrance. There'll be a pair of double doors if you wait there I'll make an excuse and meet you there (if you're tired and wanna go home I understand too 🙂)
A small grin runs across my face as I read the whole message. Bless him, he's still caring about whether I'm tired, when he's the one who just played a two hour long gig. I just give him a simple response, trying to contain my excitement and nerves as I type it out.
Noah: i'm on my way 😁
It's surprising how quickly the entire arena emptied out, and there's barely any stragglers left as I make my way round to the North entrance. I keep my head down, just in case one of these people recognises me -- I don't want to keep Robbie waiting. I get round them with no issues, and as I pass a sign indicating that the North entrance is nearby, I start to get incredibly anxious. If this was a movie or something, now would be the point where everything goes in slow motion as I round the corner and then he's there, and it's all perfect and cute. Except you know, it's real life. And although Robbie and I have had moments like that, this is still real life and stuff like that doesn't happen.
I spot the pair of double doors which I assume are the ones that Robbie mentioned, but there's no sign of him. I choose to prop myself up against the wall, pulling my phone out to give me something to fiddle with as I wait anxiously. Maybe I should text him that I'm here. But I don't wanna come across as all needy and clingy. Once again, that universal psychic connection that Robbie and I seem to share comes to the rescue, as I hear the sound of another set of doors opening from far away.
My eyes shoot straight to the double doors, and I can hear some footsteps echoing in the hallway behind the doors. One of the doors opens a crack, and the sweaty but beaming face attached to the adorable teenager pokes around the open door.
'How ya doing?'
I grin at Robbie's terrible attempt at a New Yorker's accent, putting my phone back in my pocket and approaching the door. I slip through the small gap Robbie's left and the door closes shut behind us, and we're left staring at each other in silence. Robbie opens his mouth to say something, but I don't want to say anything yet. I wrap him in a hug, and I think he was expecting it, as his arms wrap around me too and we rock slightly in silence.
I feel him shaking a little bit, and his breath is jittery. He's crying softly, and before I even realise it, so am I. It's more tears of relief for Robbie, but for me they're ones of happiness. I pull him in closer to me, comforting him. His head pulls up from my chest, and he looks up at me with a small grin through his tear stained eyes.
'Was I really that shit?'
I laugh, shaking my head.
'Nope. You were amazing, like you always are. I knew you'd smash it.'
He's still looking up at me, and as I look slightly down at him, it feels like this could be the perfect moment for a first kiss. We've fallen into silence again, and I think the whole 'this could be a first kiss' scenario has finally dawned for Robbie, and he wriggles out of our hug, gesturing further down the corridor.
'I - uh... Everyone's down here, if you wanna see them?'
I stand next to him, my blood freezing. I've taken it too far. Of course he's not interested in me in that way. I smile, struggling to hide the hurt that's building up inside after watching him nervously escape from our hug. It's fine. You can't force someone to love you, no matter how much you like them - that's not how love works. I nod, feeling my bottom lip tremble a bit. But I keep it together, for Robbie.
I start following him as he leads me down the off white corridor. Maybe I should just forget about my idea, and just save us both the awkwardness and pain of me reading too much into something. Robbie stops, turning round to me.
'What do you wanna do? I've heard from a... uh - reliable source that you had a plan of some kind?'
I grimace. Chloe. I know she probably had the best intentions, but she shouldn't have mentioned that I was planning something to Robbie. But I'm ready to ditch the plan, seeing as I've overstepped the mark here.
'Well... I did, but like, we don't have to if you don't want. I know you're probably tired and had enough of me already --'
'Noah. Of course I wanna see what this plan is. Yeah I'm tired, but you're forgetting I'm like permanently tired. ALL of the time.'
We've reached a similar looking pair of double doors at the end of the corridor, and I can hear some music playing and cheers coming from the room beyond. I'm a little apprehensive, but it looks like Robbie is as well. He looks at me again.
'Are you sure you wanna come and see everyone? Cause honestly I'd rather just dip.'
'I mean... I could do without being in a room with a bunch of loud, drunk people.'
Robbie grins.
'They're not all bad. But they'll definitely be celebrating tonight when... I just kinda - I don't know...'
'You just want to spend a bit of time alone?'
He stares down at his feet, and gives a small nod.
'Well okay then, looks like I've got to save you from the perils of socialising.'
'Oh, you're my hero.'
We share a laugh, and Robbie considers his options.
'What exactly did you have planned?'
'Well... it's kinda a surprise. But we do need a way to get a bit further into the centre of New York.'
Robbie grins, opening the door slightly.
'Leave that to me. You good to just step in with me whilst I find Cade?'
I nod, and Robbie fully opens the door, walking in to a few whoops from the assembled backstage staff and crew, all eating from a buffet with drinks in their hands. Robbie's making a beeline for Cade, whose standing with a couple other people I don't recognise near some sofas. I follow Robbie, sticking closely behind him. Luckily no one's really batted an eyelid at my arrival and I'm glad that at least these people aren't super focused on spotting other celebrities.
'Cade, Noah's here. Can I ask a favour?'
That's all I can hear Robbie say before he and Cade start an intense discussion. I choose not to eavesdrop, instead scanning the room around me. Quinn and I lock eyes at the same time, and I feel a bit of relief flow through me as I spot a familiar face. Of course he's got his camera, taking pictures of the party around him. He comes over and goes to shake hands, but I just pull him into a hug which surprises him.
'Nice to see you again dude!'
Quinn staggers a bit out of the hug, the whole starstruck look washing over his face.
'I -- uh... nice to see you too?'
'Noah, you better not be bullying Quinn.'
Robbie's finished talking to Cade, and looks a little happier. I look at him expectantly.
'What did Cade say?'
'They're fine with us going in to the city, but we can't be too long. I've still gotta show my face in the party and celebrate with everyone. Cause, you know, without all of them I wouldn't be here.'
I nod in understanding. It's cute how Robbie's trying to spend time with everyone tonight. He cares so much about other people and I love that about him. I've been kinda staring blankly at Robbie, and he nudges me and we both grin at each other. SNAP! Quinn's taken a photo and I look over at him sheepishly.
'You'd better send that to me later' Robbie says, and Quinn grins mischievously.
'It'll probably be up on insta later anyway.'
Someone shouts Quinn's name, and he gives us both a brief wave before he dashes over to the other side of the room to get some pictures for the backstage staff. I turn back to Robbie, a small smile still on my face.
'So it's all good being allowed to go, but how exactly are we gonna get to where we need to -'
Robbie's raised his hand with a cheeky grin, silencing my question, which makes me roll my eyes.
'Cade is an uber addict. They've already called one for us and it's gonna be outside in a few minutes.'
'I - wow okay I'm surprised they'd even let ubers come up this close to the stadium.'
Robbie grins at me.
'And that's the benefit of Cade being totally incapable of walking anywhere.'
Cade's voice rings out from behind both of us.
'I heard that you little shit.'
Robbie wheels around with a mischievous grin on his face.
'Thanks Cade! Love you too!'
Cade just looks from Robbie to me, then back to Robbie and nods in approval.
'Have fun you two, I'll see you in a bit.'
I give Cade a small smile of thanks, and they nod again at me. They don't seem to be a person of many words, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Robbie nudges me in the side, and I swipe at him but he's already moved away from me towards the door.
'Let's get going before Cade changes their mind.'
We head back through the doors and make our way back out into the North entrance. As we head out Madison Square Garden and the cool night air hits me, I start shaking a little bit. But it's not with anxiety or fear. I'm excited. And I can't help but wonder if Robbie feels the same as I look over at him. He also looks over to me, and we share a grin. The uber's already arrived and parked at the front, and Robbie and I clamber in. The driver looks over the back at us both.
'Where to?'
'I... Uh I need it to be a surprise, can I whisper it to you?'
The driver looks at me with amusement and nods, seeing as this probably isn't the weirdest thing he's had to deal with today. I lean across and whisper in the destination, slipping back into my seat and catching a look of bewilderment from Robbie. I wink at him and he rolls his eyes as the car starts up and we start heading towards the bright lights of New York. We've got this short journey for me to hopefully build up to the plan and gesture I've set out for Robbie.
I can't help but look at him as he gazes out of his window at the approaching lights of New York city. Seeing him with this much awe and excitement is adorable. I'm hoping after tonight, I'll get to see more of this side of him. I look out of my own window, running everything through my head. I hope this works.