I left the Emperor's palace with satisfaction and pain. We both left off on good terms, so why was I still in tears? I was wiping my tears off in the sedan chair, and when I walked away from the palace, I tried so hard not to look back.
It was hard to process as well. The Emperor knew. All this time, I was covering my guilt from keeping secrets from him, but he knew. There were so many things I was thinking about, but I let the stillness of my body take over. It was all over... I had to get over it, but it was hard.
The Emperor had already marked himself on my mind. He was someone that I could never forget.
Still, I kept my silence. It would be hard but the Emperor and I had our informal farewells. I had a lot of time on my hands but I wanted to go home soon. Besides, the Emperor wasn't the only person I wanted to talk to. I had a few others waiting for me at my palace.
I walked the steps to the doorway. My maids quickly opened the two doors for me, and I walked in silently. I observed the people, standing there in the middle whispering amongst themselves.
"Did we do something wrong, Your Highness?" Uncle Bin whispered.
"Maybe this is very important... we are all close to her," Hua Yang whispered back.
My eunuch stood beside me. "Her Majesty has arrived!"
Hua Yang, Uncle Bin, Su Yin and the two maids that had accompanied me ever since I was a Noble Consort, quickly turned around. Their eyes widened and they immediately kneeled. Hua Yang stood because her rank allows her to. They bowed deeply. "Joy and bliss to the Empress!"
I took a few more steps forward. "Rise."
"Thank you, Your Majesty," they spoke in unison.
Uncle Bin quickly walked to me. His eyes were gleaming like he was in awe. He slowly grinned. "May I say, Your Majesty, that I am proud of you... I remember when you were just an Imperial Concubine, asking me for late-night—"
"I thought we'd keep that between you and me," I laughed. "Uncle Bin, thank you."
Fen Ai and Snoopy had their head down. Of course, Fen Ai was the first to look up. She took another bow and looked at me with worry. "If I may ask, Your Majesty, why have you called us here?"
My smile faded. I looked at them with a tight-lipped smile but I cried too much. I cried so much today that I was tired. I had no tears left to cry, so I stood there like a sad puppy, observing all of my closest people here.
Su Yin's eyes lingered on me. Her eyebrows slanted upwards and it seemed like she wanted to reach out to me. I was going to miss her, dearly. She had a bit of Cherry's personality in her, and so did Hua Er. The gentle, kind but teasing and aggressive manner. I couldn't bear the thought that I was going to wake up one day and never see them for a while.
Although I could visit at least once a month, I was afraid if one day, I forget to visit. One day, I won't bother... and leave them to wonder what I was doing.
"You all may want to sit for this," I sighed heavily and looked away. "It's a bit hard to handle..."
They sat down on the side obediently, while I moved my way up to my throne. As I settled in, I tried my best to refrain from crying. I had too many emotions bottled up in me and I might as well be crying on my way back home.
My palace was silent. Hua Er was quietly sitting still on the chair near me. She didn't speak and didn't want to, because she couldn't handle this as well.
"I-I believe I should begin," I spoke softly. They all nodded. "I am not from here. I am from the year 2018... Well now, it would 2019..."—I took a small pause to scoff at myself—"It's not supposed to make sense to you all, but please hear me out."
I took a glance at them. Of course, they reacted. But I ignored it and continued, "I came here due to an accident. I woke up here... To prove that I'm not joking, here is something from where I came from."
Hua Er handed me my, surprisingly, still working phone. I pressed the button and the lock screen of myself popped up. They stared at it in bewilderment, and now, they were fully convinced I was an alien.
"Yes. I know I've been hiding it because I was afraid. I also hope that when I group you all here, this information will not leave the palace," I cleared my throat. "I stayed here because I needed ingredients for a recipe so I can go back home. Now, I am more than a three-month reigning empress and I can leave."
I blinked a few times to keep myself aware of my surroundings. "I-It's a lot to say, but I am returning home. This place is not my home, and although sometimes it does feel like it, I know in my heart that it isn't."
"I'm finished now," I exhaled sharply, while I gripped onto my armrests. I almost laughed at the shock on their faces. "Any questions?"
Before I knew it, I was bombarded with questions about the future. I mean, I understand. It's not every day you see someone with technology you've never seen in your life. My phone battery was now at twenty percent, because I remember showing Hua Er a few things as well.
The only thing I could show them was pictures because I had no service.
"The choice of fashion... is very questionable," Su Yin chuckled, and Hua Yang followed as well.
More questions arose and I explained thoroughly about the buildings, the towers, electricity even, and I showed them my music. They liked a lot actually, but some of the songs were 'dreadful' which was what Uncle Bin said. So I stuck to the classical music playlist I had.
Uncle Bin questioned me on war and on how I learned to fight. I had to break it to him that things don't go well in 1910 or 1945. He was in shock at how there were martial arts training for women, but he was grinning from ear to ear.
After they were enlightened about the future, I had a feeling they all realised what this all meant. I was going to leave.
Snoopy, after not speaking for almost the entire duration, spoke up. "Your Majesty, I know I kept quiet most of the time, but I appreciate how you treated us."
Fen Ai nodded.
"Does His Majesty know about this?" Hua Yang asked.
I nodded. "He knew ever since I was a high-ranking consort... I confronted him just recently and he admitted that he knew."
She rolled her eyes. "I apologize for that... I have a feeling he didn't say anything because he wanted to convince you to stay?"
"It's fine," I smiled at her. "We said our farewells... Now, I have to say goodbye to all of you."
Su Yin raised an eyebrow. "Are you the only person from the future that is residing here?"
I knew what she was trying to ask me. That question was just a cover-up of: 'Did you and Jaxon come here together?'
"No. Lan Yun also, but I met him when I came here," I explained. "But there was nothing between us."
"Your Majesty... You remind me of a long-distant daughter I never had," Uncle Bin approached me. His eyes glinted as I looked at him sadly. "I'll miss you very much. I hope you can come back."
"I'll miss you too," Hua Yang whispered. "Your Majesty, it's not every day we get a good empress. The late empress was a nuisance and I could never get along with her. This... this was a shock to me but I can't say that I didn't see it coming."
Fen Ai nodded her head to agree with Hua Yang. "I agree. You were always odd... and out of place, Empress. I apologize if it offends you, but please don't interpret what I said in a bad way. You are eccentric in a good way."
"I remember hearing what happened at the concubine selection. You stood up to the late empress," Su Yin chuckled. Her grin soon faded and she looked at me with slight tears in her eyes. They were forming quickly. "Your Majesty, I felt safe with you. You cared for me when I was pregnant... You don't know it but..."
"Su Yin, please," I tried to soothe her with my voice but she pouted at me. I opened my arms and she leaned in forwards.
She had been with me for the longest time... ever since the beginning, she was with me. We played cards together, gossiped together, laughed together, even bathed together at the bathhouse. Jaxon exposed us to her and she never spoke about it to anyone.
Su Yin was a great friend. She took my side although she knew Chang Ying longer. I respected her and I would miss her as well.
Everyone I've been close with, stood watching me embrace Su Yin. It must have been awkward so I invited them in.
"I-I wanted you to be with Yue Fei when he grows up," Su Yin mumbled, sobbing on my shoulder because she was slightly taller than me. Yue Fei was her son. I didn't even know his name, I felt a little bad. "You have to come back..."
"I don't plan on never seeing you again," I smiled.
Su Yin pouted. "May I address you with your name, Empress? Just this once?"
I laughed through my nostrils as my cheeks were wet with tears. "Go for it."
"Ying Yue, you are the greatest friend I've ever had in the harem, I'm never going to forget your true benevolence," she sniffed. "You've been great to me... so great. And you've been strong. You said it... You are the true empress we needed."
After the awkward group hug, I cupped her cheeks with the palms of my hands and beamed at her through my tears. "Su Yin, you have the crown prince. Make me proud... Treat your son well... Serve His Majesty well for me."
Fen Ai bowed. "Empress, what will happen to your title?"
"The Emperor informed me that I will be keeping my title," I smiled. "I hope that you two"—I looked at my maids—"will behave well. I don't know how this will all work, but I promise that I will come back."
Hua Yang took my hand. "You've left a positive mark here. Empress Han, did a lot of her people... I believe you can do the same in your world as well."
After we all exchanged remarks, they left my palace with more information than they could imagine. I wonder what they'd do with it. The last thing I told them was to find a way to create electricity. I really hope when I come back, I don't have to light anything up.
I wiped my remainder of tears away. Hua Er and I were now waiting for Lei Shu to arrive. Of course, I wouldn't forget the two people that helped me in the beginning.
My mind was wandering, and Hua Er could tell. She stood by my side and kept quiet until her mother came. She was saving her tears. I was too. When two of us had our moment, we would release them. I could hear my heart beating against my chest as Lei Shu entered. She looked at me through glossy eyes.
"Warm blessings to—" she tried to kneel but I hastily stopped her.
"Please don't stand on ceremony," I grabbed her wrist and she looked up at me. I could see her throat bob as she stood up properly.
Lei Shu blinked and small tears rolled down her cheeks. She looked away. "Empress, I don't know what to say... I don't know what to..."
It wasn't easy for her, and neither was it for me. Lei Shu embraced me with a motherly hug. I see her often now that she is no longer a maid, but not as often as I should have. I was still busy. Hua Er saw Lei Shu more than I did.
If it wasn't for her and Hua Er to find me and invite me back to their little house, then I don't know what I would be doing. I wouldn't be in the shoes of an empress. I could've probably been stuck here forever.
"I pray you find your way back home, Your Majesty," she said, I could hear her smile. "You promised me you'll keep my little Hua Er safe and you did."
"I did," I grinned. "I would never break a promise."
She pulled back and looked up at me. Her eyes ran over my face and she studied me quietly. She took a deep breath and exhaled. "...Please be safe. Please don't forget about us."
I shook my head, furrowing my eyebrows at those words. "Never. I would never forget about all of you."
"In fact, His Majesty said Hua Er and you will be able to reside in my palace," I explained. "But I'll need you to cover the fact that I'm gone."
This was when Lei Shu realised that I was still going to be Empress. This was also when she realised that I will be coming back. Her eyes widened and she gaped at me like I said something extraordinary. The parted lips turned into a big smile and she embraced me again. "Your Majesty... I hope you do come back! Hua Er has always been lonely, and I don't know if she'll function without you!"
"Mother!" Hua Er rolled her eyes.
Lei Shu and I turned to her and laughed.
After we had our moment, she held my hand one last time. She turned to look at Hua Er, and then at me. Then, she shifted her body towards the exit. "Well, I'll give you two your moment... I'm going to miss you."
"I will as well, take care," I whispered.
Hua Er and I watched her leave. I pulled the string and the two doors closed. I faced Hua Er. Tears were already running down her cheeks and she stood there like a lost toddler. I chewed my bottom lip and almost bit too hard to prevent more tears rising but both of us were looking at each other like this was our last goodbye.
I know it wasn't but I couldn't have done it without her. I didn't think I'd find another close friend here but I did. Hua Er supported me throughout this entire journey and helped me through a lot. I owe her a lot. She wiped the tears running down her cheeks with her sleeves as she continued to stare at me. I let mine fall freely. As she took a few steps forward, she kept her chin up and took a big inhale. She breathed out. "Ying Yue, you are my closest friend."
"Without you, I think I would have still been a shy girl, always being pushed over," Hua Er took my hand and clasped it between hers. "... You are like a sister to me and I love you as if you were family."
"Family doesn't always have to be blood," I smiled sadly at her and placed my other hand on hers. It was a controversial thing to say but Hua Er nodded along with me.
"Yes," she pursed her lips to force the tears back but it leaked and dropped onto my hand. "Before you came, I was alone. I was always alone. I didn't speak to anyone and my mother wanted me to find a husband very soon."
Hua Er had toughened up. I was glad to see it. She would be a great wife and a great mother. Although the Emperor allowed her to stay, I felt as if Hua Er wouldn't want to. I mean, what else is there to offer to her in this place? She wasn't a concubine nor in the royal family... I doubt she ever wanted to be a maid.
I was about to speak but she cut me off. "I know I'll have Lady Su Yin, Jia Ying, even Her Highness here. Yet, it is different without you. You have changed me to the woman I am."
"You've been there for me," I nodded. "Ever since I was thrown in that dark cell... We even stayed in the Cold Palace together."
She let out a soft chuckle through her tears. "We've been through a lot together... But we succeeded together."
"I'm going to miss you... so much," I wept. I looked around my palace and smiled through my tears. "Hua Er, tell the Emperor to gift you and your mother headpieces and beautiful attire. You two will live nicely here..."
Hua Er raised her eyebrows.
"And if you do not want to stay, you are always welcome to live in a manor in the capital," I continued. "Let the Emperor... or I'll let the Emperor know that you will need maids. You are a part of the Imperial family. I don't care what anyone says."
"Speaking of headpieces," Hua Er said.
Suddenly, she let go of my hand and reached out to her hair. It was braided with accessories to keep it in place. Her fingers pinched a pin from her hair and she pulled it out. It was bronze with a green flower.
Hua Er thrust the pin towards me, smiling. "I want you to have this. I want you to remember me."
I shook my head. "Hua Er, of course, I'm going to remember you. I-I don't want to take anything from you—"
"Please take it," she said, her voice was hush and mellow but there was a pleading undertone to it. "I need to know that you have it so that I can sleep at night. I want to be with you and this pin is the only way."
"Hua Er..." I whispered.
She swallowed back her tears. "Keep this pin. I want you to have it."
We embraced one last time. I whispered in her ear, "Even though I am able to visit, I'll still hold this pin with my dear life."