Chapter twenty
“You still alive in here?” Thomas says softly as he pokes his head through the crack between the door and the frame.
I am still wrapped in the covers of my bed. I look to the alarm clock and see that it is one. I have only gotten up to feed the little fur ball that sleeps in its bed beside me. I peek up and around the covers and meet his gaze.
“Wendy told me to tell you we are going ‘school shopping’ but if you didn’t feel like going today then you can go some other time.” He explains, keeping his eyes on mine.
“I’ll go.” I say, my voice hoarse.
He nods before shutting the door. I get up and take a shower and brush my teeth. I get dressed in a pair of ripped jeans shorts and my baby blue converse and a white t-shirt. I let my long brown hair dry and hang down to my waist before throwing on some lite makeup. I feed the squirrel before I head downstairs and find everyone in the dining room. I take my seat beside Thomas and Dalton and rub my face in my hands but jerk them away when I remember I put makeup on.
Wendy tries to hand me a plate but I shake my head, not wanting to eat anything. I am so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. I feel someone’s eyes on me and look up to find Rodger watching me. When our eyes meet he doesn’t look away this time, instead he keeps my gaze, letting our eyes lock.
When everyone is done eating they put their plates in the sink and we head towards the garage. Garran, Lucus, Logan, and Brady are going to be riding with Wendy. Rodger, Dalton and I will be riding with Thomas. Thomas slides into the driver’s seat and Dalton into the passenger seat, leaving me to sit in the back with Rodger.
Rodger and I slide into the backseat awkwardly and I strap on my seat belt and look out the window. My hand rests on my leg, and his on his. I want nothing more than to reach over and clasp his, to squeeze it, to lean over and press my lips to his again. He turns his head and his eyes meet mine and then look down to our hands. His hand moves slowly at first before moving quicker as he takes my hand in his. I look at our hands and then up to his eyes. Something in them tells me he wants to kiss me as much as I want to kiss him.
I squeeze his hand and he returns it with one of his own, without thinking I lean over and press my lips to his cheek. Thomas and Dalton are to caught up with a argument about football to care of even notice. Rodger looks at me, puzzled by my movements and I smile slightly. His lips pull up and he leans forward, then tries to pull back but I quickly close the distance between us and press my lips to his. Everything he said yesterday has left my mine and has been replaced with my feelings for him.
His hand moves to rest on my leg and when we pull away I cover it with mine. That’s how we sit for the rest of the drive, both thinking about the kiss and what will come of the future.
When we reach the house I lug the many bags up to my room. Most of them are filled with clothes but there is plenty of school things inside the bags also. I unpack all my things and put the stuff in my closet and the supplies in my messenger bag before feeding the squirrel and pulling out my journal.
July 21, 2012
Things have gotten better, confusing, but better. The confusion is based on Rodger. One second he is kissing me and the next he is pushing me away. I don’t understand.
I am no longer ashamed of them. I wear short sleeves, no jackets, no covering. And even with them flaming red and pink from the recent incident I don’t mind. The more I don’t think about them it seems the more other people don’t seem to notice them. The scars are becoming my past, and no longer my weakness.
He is my weakness. He cannot seem to choose though. He doesn’t know whether he wants me or doesn’t. He is always pushing me away when he begins to open up, when the walls he has built are about to fall, he builds them right back up.
That used to be me. I now see what I did to other people by shutting them out. And I guess I still don’t let them in that easily, but I have my reasons. And so does he.
Maybe in time, we will both learn to open up and let people in.
I make my way downstairs, the baby squirrel in my arms. I sit down on the couch and Dalton moves away, glaring at the gray ball of fur. Rodger watches me and when his eyes meet mine I smile. I look around for where I set down the bottle at and curse myself.
“Shit.” I mumble, trying to get back up.
“What?” Rodger asks, standing to his feet.
“I left the fricken bottle upstairs.” I groan, turning to walk back upstairs but he grabs my hand.
“I’ll get it.” he says shrugging before walking up the stairs before I can say thank you.
Rodger’s POV
I make my way to her room, I had known she didn’t want to walk all the way back up here so I thought I would do it. Be nice for once. I walk through the door of her room and to her bed. The smell of her hits my nose and I smile. I go to her bed and look around the stand and floor for the bottle but don’t find it, I look through her bed but still can’t find it. Finally I shake the covers and the bottle falls out and hits the floor before rolling across the room. But something else had fallen out of the sheets with it.
Her handwriting booms up at me and I know I should turn away.
Just grab the bottle and go. Just shut it maybe, don’t read it.
But the words glare up at me and I pick it up.
February 13, 2012
It has been a week since mom left. I don’t think she is coming back. I haven’t told dad, I haven’t told anyone, not even Tanner. We don’t talk anymore, he too has left me, given up. Grown tired of me pushing him away, but I won’t let him back in. Not after what he did.
But since she has left, and dad has left, even since Tanner has left, I feel so… alone. So unwanted. Most of the time I spend my time thinking about ending my life then thinking about planning. What is out there for me? Who is there for me? I just don’t think I can do it.
Every time I come in this empty house I feel like I a drowning, I am drowning and there is no one here to pull me back up. No one here to toss me something so I can return to shore, return home. Where people love me.
But now I have given up, right now I beginning to think this is what has been planned for me. To feel so alone that I can’t take it anymore, I can’t take waiting, and I can’t take… living.
Why do I feel this way? Why do people always leave me? What wrong with me?
Her words hit me and I can feel the pain she felt as if it were me. Her words hit me with a stab every time. How could someone like her think this way? Why would everyone leave her like they did?
I am about to set it down, knowing I shouldn’t have read it, knowing it was wrong, a invasion of her privacy but her voice stops me.
“I think I left it in the bed….” She begins but she stops when she sees me, her journal in my hands. “What are you doing?” she whispers, her eyes going from me to the little book in my hands.
Hurt, sadness, anger and betrayal linger on her face. Her eyes fill with tears as she hurries forward and takes the book from my hands. Embarrassment shines brightly on her face now as she holds the book to her chest and keeps her eyes on the floor. Tears spill onto her cheeks and guilt hits me in the stomach, making me want to vomit.
“How could you….? This is…. This is my journal.” She whispers, still not looking at me.
“Brooklyn…. I…. I’m sorry…. I ….” I stutter, not sure what to tell her. I won’t lie.
“I thought you knew better….”
“I do. I just came up here to get the bottle and when I couldn’t find it I-I shook the sheets and the bottle fell out and so did that…..”
“So you read it?” she asks softly, anger in her voice as she looks into my eyes, her eyes blazing with anger and hurt.
“I just-…. It just-….”
“Leave.” She demands, shaking her head sadly as she points to the door.
“Brooklyn…. I’m so so sorry….”
“No! First you push me away, you tell me that you can’t leave me alone but you can’t let me in so I can get close to you and then you kiss me in Thomas’s car and… and… then you read this!?” she says thrusting the book at me, hitting me across the chest with it.
I let her hit me with it. Knowing I deserve everything she says and does.
“Well if you want to read it so fricken bad how about you read the whole god dammed thing, then you would know everything about me.” she says, throwing it at my head.
“No.” I whisper.
“Why not? You didn’t have a problem reading it when I wasn’t around, how about you bring it downstairs and read it to all the guys, god knows you will be repeating what you read to them later.” She says, crossing her arms, trying to be strong but I can tell she is holding back tears.
“I’m sorry…. I shouldn’t have read it to begin with….” I whisper, my voice is full of guilt. She must hear it too for she meets my eyes and hers soften slightly. We stare at each other for a moment. Desire shines slightly in her eyes and I know it shines in mine.
“Kiss me.” she whispers, but I am already there.
Brook’s POV
All the anger I felt a moment ago disappears and I want nothing more but to press my lips to his.
“Kiss me.” I find myself whispering.
He steps forward and wraps his arms tightly around my waist and pulls me to him, pressing his lips hard to mine. My hands slip inside his shirt and he backs me up until I am pressed against the door of my room. He lifts me up and I wrap my legs around his waist and link my fingers in the belt loop of his jeans, pulling him closer. He reaches behind me and locks the door, making me smile against him, knowing there will be no one to stop us unless it is us.
His hand moves from my hips to under my shirt, one staying on my lower back as he presses me closer to him, the other makes circles on the skin on my stomach before moving up. His lips move from my mouth to my neck, leaving a trail of them down my neck and over my shoulders. I groan and he smiles against my skin before leading me away from the wall and to the bed. I fall down onto the mattress and he follow, braces himself slightly with his arms on either side of me. His tongue slides across my lips and I open them, letting it slip in.
I pull at his shirt, lifting it over his head and running my hands down his back. He moves to my neck again and I scrape my finger nails into his skin slightly and he lets out a throaty groan before returning to my lips. Soon my shirt is lift over my head and he looks down at me, at first he looks as if she is about to bolt and I tilt his head down to me, pressing his forehead to mine.
“Don’t pull away this time unless this isn’t what you want.” I whisper, barley getting the words out through my heavy breathing. His eyes meet mine before he crushes his lips to mine.
This time, neither of us pull away.
Didn't really follow what I said in the teaser but hope you like it. Alot of Rodger in this chapter :D For those of you who are team Rodger ;) Lol, although there isn't anyone else to be on their team yet. YET :D
Welp, hope you liked it and please leave a comment or a vote! Thank you for reading.
Next update: Tonight :D
Teaser: School starts, what will everyone think of Brook? Will she be accepted or will people be jealous of her life and push her out? Will she run into Tanner?
Thanks again for reading and have a amazing weekend!