Summer went by very fast and now it was almost autumn. One more month and I can go home. It was happening fast now. For once, I wish it went slower. I spent a lot of time living freely and lavishly, and now it was going to go away.
I was working minimum wage before I came here. Now, I was a literal empress. That was so cruel to me. The universe gave me a short life of luxury just so I can go back without it. Wasn't that harsh?
It was a year from now. It was almost my anniversary of being here. I remembered Lei Shu and Hua Er eyeing me from head to toe, looking at me with curiosity in their eyes. I remembered entering the Palace in such excitement, only to learn that I would lose people close to me. It was a harsh reality. It was not a dream.
Nothing here was dream-like. If it was a dream or a coma, I felt as if I would wake up by now. The collision wasn't as bad as other car accidents out there. I should survive... unless this was supposed to be the afterlife.
Cherry came into my mind. I wondered what she was doing. Was she still crying? Was she still trying to find me? Did my family give up on trying to find me?
I couldn't stop my mind from wandering endlessly. I needed a distraction but there was nothing I could do. Finding my way back home was very important to me.
"Your Majesty," Blue and the other maids rushed and kneeled. They kowtowed to me.
I immediately blinked away my thoughts. I sat up from my throne. "Speak."
"Consort Tan has given birth!" Blue announced.
"Prince?" I asked, hoping that it wasn't. The Emperor had a choice into choosing who the crown prince was, but I didn't want more competition for Su Yin. Su Yin was about to give birth very soon, and I hoped it was a son.
I hated to think like that. The sexism was crawling up behind me but I still hoped that Su Yin is the mother of the crown prince. It was the best for her and me.
Blue shook her head. "No. She gave birth to a beautiful princess."
"Good," I nodded my head and stepped down. Li Shu took my hand gently as I walked past my maids, all their heads pressed against the ground except for Blue. "You may all get up now. Come with me to visit Consort Tan."
"Yes, Your Majesty. Thank you, Your Majesty," they said in unison, gracefully getting up to follow behind me.
When I reached Consort Tan's chamber, I met the Emperor's eyes. He gave me a solemn nod and stood back for me to see the baby. I hated seeing babies when they initially leave the womb. They were always wrinkly and ugly. I give them a few weeks before they actually look cute.
The rest of the people in the chamber gave me a deep bow.
Consort Tan tried to greet me. She raised her upper body but I stopped her immediately. She looked tired.
I smiled. "You've given birth. You need time to rest right now."
Consort Tan reciprocated the smile. A very worn-out, tired smile, but it was still adequate to make me like her. I've barely spoken to her. She was never loud or annoying. I liked her for that. She always minded her business and stayed with herself.
Motherhood is sacred, very sacred. Women were powerful with the ability to be nurturing and caring for their offsprings. I admired women who gave birth. It takes strength and courage to go through nine to ten months in discomfort and pain. It takes even more strength to push the child out.
It was a shame that the concubines here were seen as human incubators, especially the lower-ranking ones.
The Emperor had already left the chamber, and I was starting to doubt her promotion. Consort Tan would still be rewarded regardless, and so would her child. She had nothing to worry about. Tomorrow, I was going to reward the midwives as well.
"Empress," Consort Tan moaned. She leaned her head on the pillow. Her eyes were still bright under the light, still cheerful. "Thank you."
I raised an eyebrow. "For what?"
Maids and nurses had already taken the child from Consort Tan's arms. They continued to watch us from afar.
"Letting me live, not plotting against me," Consort Tan chuckled. "I remember when you were just a Noble Consort."
"Me too," I whispered as I smoothed her hair back. I comforted her and tried to help her relax. She was tired and needed to rest right now. There were now two in the next Imperial bloodline.
Consort Tan slowly faced me. She reached out her hand and I held it gently. While she studied my face, her eyelids drooped. "You deserved it... the title, Your Majesty..."
"Will you be alright?" I whispered.
She nodded, turning her face away from me and closing her eyes. I hoped that she didn't die. It would be a bad look on me, but it would sadden me too. The maids watched carefully, and I understood why. I could've dismissed them but I didn't want to look suspicious.
As I left, the physician bowed. "She'll be alright, Your Majesty. You don't need to worry."
Su Yin stayed in her chamber most of the time now. I checked up with her regularly to make sure she was going to be fine. When I entered her chamber, she was already waiting for me. Her hair flowed down her back with half of the top in braids.
She stood up and bowed, standing up. "Happiness and peace to the Empress."
"Your stomach is about to explode!" I teased.
The Emperor was visiting her once a week. It was his priority to see Su Yin because she was almost going to give birth. Even with Su Yin and I sharing the same person, we were still close with each other. Could it have changed if I loved the Emperor? I didn't want to think about that.
"Yes, Empress, I... I just hope..." Su Yin's smile slowly faded as she peered at me. I waited for her to speak, but she paused and looked away from me.
"You hope what?" I gently urged her to speak.
Su Yin let out a heavy sigh. She continued rubbing her stomach and stared at the ground. "I just hope that it's a boy..."
"Don't get me wrong," Su Yin whispered. "I just hope that my child becomes the crown prince so Jia Ying and I can live better in the Palace..."
I was glad we both had the same goals in mind. If I didn't trust Su Yin entirely, I'd still doubt that she was going to sabotage me anytime soon. She saw what I did to Chang Ying. She saw what I did to Bao Zhai and Minister Feng. It'd be suicide for her to try and usurp my throne.
"I agree, I do hope you give birth to the crown prince," I nodded. Su Yin slowly looked at me in silence. My eyes were fixating at the teacup in front of me. "I know you won't sabotage me and try to rule as 'Empress Dowager'."
Su Yin shook her head. She looked me in the eye and frowned. "Never. I would never do that to you. No woman here could ever be half of what you are, Your Majesty."
Whether Su Yin meant it or not, it touched me. I was going to leave her very soon and I hated it. She has been good to me. She's been someone that I could rely on and someone I could talk to about Chang Ying. I was grateful to have her.
"Thank you." I smiled.
"My words were not a compliment, Empress," Su Yin rolled her eyes. She always had the habit of being a snarky teenage girl. "They were the truth."
At least she didn't hide who she was.
Slowly, Su Yin's lips spread into a smirk. She quickly held my hand and looked at me with doe-eyes. Before she spoke, she looked around at her maids and dismissed them. After they had left, Su Yin spoke softly to me, "How is the man you are in love with? He's one of His Majesty's advisors, am I correct?"
I almost forgot that Su Yin saw Jaxon when I was still in the Cold Palace. This would be a big oopsie for me if she ever told the Emperor. Su Yin seemed to keep secrets and I doubt she told Chang Ying because Chang Ying never said anything about it. I'll have to be even nicer to Su Yin than I already am. She had dirt on me.
But she didn't seem to think so. She dismissed her maids casually and was considerate enough to still whisper to me. I still kept my distance from everyone around me but Su Yin, I believe I could trust her.
"We're fine, just friends now," I said.
Jaxon and I had a heart-to-heart conversation... well kind of. It still made my heart flutter, only because I was able to be comforted. I didn't know what it was with Jaxon and me but we were nothing. Besides, Su Yin knew that I had slept in the Emperor's chamber before the polo game. Su Yin should have the impression that I was only 'devoted' to the Emperor now.
Su Yin knitted her eyebrows and stared at me. She looked a little upset. "What happened?"
"I—We simply didn't think it was good for each other," I sighed. "As the Empress, I shouldn't be doing that, don't you think?"
"Empress, I don't blame you," Su Yin whispered. "So many women... belonging to the Emperor... It would make sense for you to—"
"Oh, let's stop talking about it," I interrupted, swatting it all away.
"I apologize, Your Majesty! But if anything else happens and you are having problems, you can talk to me," Su Yin slightly grinned at me. "I'm not going to be a traitor like... the woman that shall not be named..."
I let a soft chuckle out. "I know you won't. Those who oppose me will perish."
The next morning, I woke up feeling more lively than ever. Today was a beautiful day. Sunlight shone through the windows and my maids were up and ready to serve me. They greeted me in unison and I rose from my bed gracefully.
Consort Tan and her daughter were supposed to be rewarded today. I've already read the scroll and she was going to be promoted. I believe it took her a very long time to get pregnant.
After my maids dressed me in my red attire, put on my headpieces and my pins, and did my makeup, I was off to be greeted. My eunuchs and maids followed obediently.
"Nice day today, isn't it, Empress?" Hua Er sat next to me in the sedan chair, silently fanning herself as she observed the scenery. I was surprised that the eunuchs were able to lift both of us up.
I looked out the window. "I agree. The sun is out but it isn't as humid; there's still a little breeze to cool us off."
The concubines were already waiting in the hall. After Li Shu announced my presence, they quickly stopped what they were doing and bowed deeply. They moved out of their way and straightened their back when I walked past them.
I settled myself on my seat. "Rise."
Li Shu handed me the scroll, but I refused it. I studied everything last night. Consort Tan held her baby in her arms. She gave me a wide smile as I rewarded her and her daughter. When she started to bow, I stopped her.
"Wait," I instructed. She blinked a few times before looking up at me. "There is a promotion of title."
Consort Tan quickly stepped forward. Her eyes studied the ground silently, but a smile was still on her face. The baby was wrapped in brocade material. The Emperor's children are spoiled, seriously.
After announcing her promotion to 'Noble Consort', I sensed a slight hostility in the room. I knew I taught them better but I hope that they didn't try anything stupid. They knew how sensitive I was. They knew that every time they were with me, they had to avoid irritating me.
I looked over at the scroll and nodded to myself. I got everything right. Cai Hong was Consort Tan's name. There were too many names to keep track of, to be honest. I wonder if the late empress had this issue.
Unfortunately, I couldn't ask her because she's dead.
I stayed to myself during the day. The weather was nice outside so the doors were open and I felt the summer breeze, blowing softly against the pages of my book. It has only been an hour that I came back from making offerings to the gods. I usually did this almost every day to show my love for my ancestors. Sometimes I just wanted to stay home.
Never was I really into Buddhism or any religion. I thought it'd be better to pay respect to the gods. Who knows, maybe they were watching over me. I've been through failed plots that could've gone bad if they weren't successful.
I was very grateful that I was still alive.
As I flipped a page, my maids quickly walked up the steps, leaning towards the side of me. They bowed. "Your Majesty, Consort Hu wants to speak to you."
"Who?" I cocked an eyebrow.
"Hua Fa, Empress." another of my maids spoke.
I nodded. "Send her in."
My palace was grand and spacious. It could fit ten maids and still have plenty of space. I'd assume Hua Fa was waiting at the other entrance for my approval.
Hua Fa and Snoopy walked together. Snoopy bowed and left Hua Fa alone in the middle. I tried to read a few more words in the book before addressing her. While I continued to read, Hua Fa kneeled and bowed. "Warm blessings to Your Majesty."
As I bookmarked my page, I studied her. She dipped her head down and didn't speak another word. It must be important for her to be coming to me in the evening. I highly doubted she just wanted to talk to me.
"You may get up," I spoke. Noticing that it could be important, I motioned my hand to dismiss my maids. "You all are dismissed."
Hua Fa got up quickly. After my maids were gone, she bowed again. "Your Majesty, I have something I want to confess."
I was bracing myself for another betrayal, or something like that. Hua Fa was too nice to me. I knew she wanted something from me or wanted to manipulate me. I tried to observe her but her head was down.
"What is it?" I asked.
"I-I don't want to be a woman in the harem," Hua Fa spoke. She sighed. "I came to the harem so I had a chance to be involved in war affairs... I—"
"You could've told me this before you entered the harem."
"Yes, Empress, I should have but I was afraid you would banish me..."
"Was this why you were kind to me? Because you thought I'd let you become whatever you wanted?" I shot up from my seat.
Hua Fa quickly got on her knees and kowtowed. "Empress, please appease your anger! I didn't mean to disrespect you!"
Of course, I should have known. She hasn't laid with the Emperor, hasn't it? She pulled the same thing that I did before. That's why she was so hesitant. It wasn't because she was shy, it was because she lied to me.
I was full of rage. I couldn't believe she dared to ask me this like I was her genie so she can fulfil whatever wish she wanted!
Then again, I did want her to succeed as a general or something similar to that. My maids tried to calm me down as well but I was still in thought. She had to be punished before I even gave her the chance to get what she wanted. This was unfair.
Hua Fa was smart, but I wasn't stupid. I would never let anyone walk over me like this.
"Your Majesty, I always liked you! I always admired you and what you've done! I swear to the gods! Your Majesty," Hua Fa paused before she continued. "I apologize for asking. I was inspired by the stories of you and... I thought I had a chance."
My heart was hammering against my chest. I slowly lowered myself back onto my throne and leaned back. "Is this your dream?"
"Yes, Your Majesty!" Hua Fa exclaimed. Her head was still buried in her arms as she maintained her kowtowing position.
"You'll sew clothes in Diligence Hall every evening for a week," I instructed. Fen Ai slowly poured me another cup of tea. I reached for it and took a sip, using this time to think. After taking my sweet time, I put the cup down. "His Majesty is open-minded but you must not blame me if he denies your request."
I crossed my legs. "If His Majesty denies—which I doubt he will—do not beg me to convince him otherwise."
"Yes, Your Majesty! I am willing to take this chance!" Hua Fa raised her head off the ground and beamed at me with glee.
Was I too nice? I didn't think I was. Hua Fa didn't have to be known as a general, or anyone for that matter. She could just be helping the Emperor out.
"I'll arrange something," I sighed. "I'll tell him that you spoke to me about it, but I do not guarantee anything. The court officials have calmed down but if this information gets disclosed, I will have you severely punished."
Was I too harsh now? It was the least I could do while still being slightly upset over it. The Emperor wouldn't let her go if he loved her. But also because he would want to keep Hua Fa's occupation confidential. This was risky and I can't believe I was doing it.
Hua Fa kowtowed again. "Thank you, Empress! Your Majesty is kind and virtuous! I admire your strength and courage! Your Majesty is very considerate and I promise I will never let you down!
"You better not." I held the teacup in my hand and sipped again.